Yes, I used the word retarded. Get over it.
Anyway, I had some nice phone conversations today, with my mom and my friend GA. The one with GA helped me the most- I'd forgotten what it was like to have convos with her! It made me feel more my age and less like an old fart. :)
I'd been pretty down about myself lately. SAHM is a good deal- the boys aren't raised by someone else and I get to see every little cute thing they do. But it's not always like that, and when I'm having a particularly bad day (which is happening more frequently as LB becomes more toddler and less baby), I wonder what ever possessed me into thinking it would be great.
Sometimes I just long for adult company... get your mind out of the gutter, pervert. :) When I'm talking to my kids, it's in this annoying high-pitched kid-friendly voice, and when I'm disciplining them, that's when I use the adult voice... but I don't want to always be saying "no" or "don't hit" or "be nice". I'd like to have meaningful conversations, ones that include more than two words.
It's getting to the point where I know my brain is freezing up even more from lack of use. Like more frequent brain farts, where I can't form words even when they're on the tip of my tongue and I've completely forgotten what I was going to do or say next. I guess I could chalk it up to sleepless nights and the lifestyle of a newborn and toddler, but it's a little depressing to know I'm sounding like a stuttering idiot.
It definitely helped to talk with GA. We always laugh a lot- I think it's because we just get each other. Yes, Hubby and I get each other, but I only see him a couple of hours at night... hardly enough adult time. It was great to have the kids napping and chatting with an old friend- made me feel more like my old self! Pre-baby speak and pre-retardedness.
I guess at this point I should apologize to people for making them uncomfortable with me being a wet noodle.
To the people at the H&F, we left at 9:30... I'm usually asleep then. So I was tired. But also, I was having continual brain farts. I'm sorry. At least they weren't real farts.
To my friends, I'm sorry for sounding like a drained, worn out loser. I seriously wanted to have something better to say (and in a voice that sounded better), and hopefully I won't be so moronic the next time we talk.
To the random people who try to strike up conversation, you get no excuse. I really don't want to talk to you.
I suppose I should come up with a new saying, because in my experience it rings true: Behind every put-together household is a fatigued mommy. Seriously, who has it all together all the time? And don't mention celebrities- they get help. I challenge you to think of a single family where they always look good and are well-fed and the house is clean and blah blah blah, and the mommy looks great. I find it's usually the mommies that do a lot of the work in a household... although if my theory is true, there would be more socially retarded mommies. Are there any out there? Or am I the only one? And if there are more, where are the support groups being held?
10/27/09
Bad mood (not a post full of rainbows and sunshine)
Here's why:
1. Previous post.
2. I believe I am faster than my slowpoke computer.
3. My college degree which Iworked really hard for, earned, somehow have in my possession is completely worthless to me. Even if I could go back to work, there is nothing around our next station that applies to me.
4. I miss my life pre-kids. I've become socially retarded by being a SAHM, which was evident last Friday when I was surrounded by great people that I like and couldn't think of anything to say.
5. A particular person thinks it's funny to kick me while I'm down. They'd better watch it, because I may kick back when they least expect it.
6. My dog only barks like crazy when the kids are asleep. Whiskey tango foxtrot?
7. Hubby has duty tonight... which he told me about via text this morning. So I had to play "mom & dad" again.
8. Hubby's "only duty free weekend" turned into being on separate agendas on Saturday, and spending nearly the entire day Sunday apart. Awesome.
9. Shipping my car tomorrow, so was told by Hubby not to use it today (since, you know, it might get dirty... like it won't get dirty sitting on a vessel in the open sea for a month). Have no milk in the house.
10. LB just woke up... at 10pm. Crying. JC will be waking up soon, crying and wanting to eat. Just when, exactly, do I get to sleep?? Now I feel guilty for wanting to put myself first... and want to cry because I feel like a bad mom for having two kids that pretty much cried all day and I couldn't do anything to calm them.
11. Realized that four of my reasons for being in a bad mood involved Hubby. :(
1. Previous post.
2. I believe I am faster than my slowpoke computer.
3. My college degree which I
4. I miss my life pre-kids. I've become socially retarded by being a SAHM, which was evident last Friday when I was surrounded by great people that I like and couldn't think of anything to say.
5. A particular person thinks it's funny to kick me while I'm down. They'd better watch it, because I may kick back when they least expect it.
6. My dog only barks like crazy when the kids are asleep. Whiskey tango foxtrot?
7. Hubby has duty tonight... which he told me about via text this morning. So I had to play "mom & dad" again.
8. Hubby's "only duty free weekend" turned into being on separate agendas on Saturday, and spending nearly the entire day Sunday apart. Awesome.
9. Shipping my car tomorrow, so was told by Hubby not to use it today (since, you know, it might get dirty... like it won't get dirty sitting on a vessel in the open sea for a month). Have no milk in the house.
10. LB just woke up... at 10pm. Crying. JC will be waking up soon, crying and wanting to eat. Just when, exactly, do I get to sleep?? Now I feel guilty for wanting to put myself first... and want to cry because I feel like a bad mom for having two kids that pretty much cried all day and I couldn't do anything to calm them.
11. Realized that four of my reasons for being in a bad mood involved Hubby. :(
10/26/09
Horrible day
Today just sucked, big time. I can't get a moment of peace and quiet around here, except for the five minutes I had to take a shower.
Hubby left early for work, so when JC woke up, I brought him to bed with me to try to get a little more shut-eye. He kept squirming and spitting out his pacifier and crying for it, then LB woke up, so I gave up on that idea and got out of bed.
When the boys finally went down for naps, and the house was quiet and I could breathe, I decided to take a shower. You know, because I hadn't had one in about four days. Just as I was all soapy head to toe, the doorbell rang and Puppy barked his head off, waking up both boys. Neither would go down for another try at naptime, so that was the end of that.
All afternoon, LB kept getting put in his room for blatantly disobeying me. And it's not like I could pick my battles. He hit me, tried to walk out of the house, and pulled the dog's ears. None of that could be overlooked, so by 6pm, he was super cranky. I put him to bed at 6:30.
Now it's not even 8pm, and JC has been whining. He's fed, dry, and burped, so I have no clue what the hell he wants. *sigh* I guess I should forget about trying to have a relaxing evening and spend it consoling him.
Oh, and Hubby texted me this morning saying he has duty tonight. Hooray.
Someone, please tell me when I get my life back...
Hubby left early for work, so when JC woke up, I brought him to bed with me to try to get a little more shut-eye. He kept squirming and spitting out his pacifier and crying for it, then LB woke up, so I gave up on that idea and got out of bed.
When the boys finally went down for naps, and the house was quiet and I could breathe, I decided to take a shower. You know, because I hadn't had one in about four days. Just as I was all soapy head to toe, the doorbell rang and Puppy barked his head off, waking up both boys. Neither would go down for another try at naptime, so that was the end of that.
All afternoon, LB kept getting put in his room for blatantly disobeying me. And it's not like I could pick my battles. He hit me, tried to walk out of the house, and pulled the dog's ears. None of that could be overlooked, so by 6pm, he was super cranky. I put him to bed at 6:30.
Now it's not even 8pm, and JC has been whining. He's fed, dry, and burped, so I have no clue what the hell he wants. *sigh* I guess I should forget about trying to have a relaxing evening and spend it consoling him.
Oh, and Hubby texted me this morning saying he has duty tonight. Hooray.
Someone, please tell me when I get my life back...
10/21/09
FML, part deux
Apparently, sharing my FML stories breeds more FML stories. Here's one about this morning.
JC went to sleep around 8pm. He didn't wake up until 1:45am. I thought that was friggin sweet, but then he decided that he didn't want to go back to sleep... until 4:15am. I went back to bed, optimistically thinking I could get a little more shut-eye. Then Hubby's alarm went off at 4:30am.
So here it is, 2pm, and I've already been up for 12 hours. The kids will not take naps at the same time today, so I can't take one myself. FML
JC went to sleep around 8pm. He didn't wake up until 1:45am. I thought that was friggin sweet, but then he decided that he didn't want to go back to sleep... until 4:15am. I went back to bed, optimistically thinking I could get a little more shut-eye. Then Hubby's alarm went off at 4:30am.
So here it is, 2pm, and I've already been up for 12 hours. The kids will not take naps at the same time today, so I can't take one myself. FML
10/20/09
FML stories
Have you ever had a day where everything went wrong? Or felt like it did? Lately, I've had a lot of FML moments, and I'd like to share a few.
One morning last week, I tripped over the baby swing and smashed my toe. It really hurt and turned pretty colors, so I had it x-rayed. Turns out, I broke a piece of the bone off. But there's nothing they can do about it, except buddy tape it. Oh, and did I mention this took place about two hours before the movers came to take away all our household goods, including the swing? FML
Yesterday, I went to the Self Help store to get replacement filters for our AC unit. I came home, took out our old one, and realized I got the wrong size. I loaded the kids back in the car and went back to the store, only to find it had closed two minutes ago. I couldn't fit the old filter back in, so we went without AC... and we live in Hawaii. FML
My hubby came home the other day and asked me what I had done all day. This was after a particularly awful day of whining, crying, getting into things LB shouldn't, feeding JC round the clock, and generally driving me nuts. I wanted to hit him. FML
One morning last week, I tripped over the baby swing and smashed my toe. It really hurt and turned pretty colors, so I had it x-rayed. Turns out, I broke a piece of the bone off. But there's nothing they can do about it, except buddy tape it. Oh, and did I mention this took place about two hours before the movers came to take away all our household goods, including the swing? FML
Yesterday, I went to the Self Help store to get replacement filters for our AC unit. I came home, took out our old one, and realized I got the wrong size. I loaded the kids back in the car and went back to the store, only to find it had closed two minutes ago. I couldn't fit the old filter back in, so we went without AC... and we live in Hawaii. FML
My hubby came home the other day and asked me what I had done all day. This was after a particularly awful day of whining, crying, getting into things LB shouldn't, feeding JC round the clock, and generally driving me nuts. I wanted to hit him. FML
10/19/09
Busy times
I know I've been MIA for a little bit. Doesn't mean I haven't been blog-stalking all of you, though! :)
We've been really preoccupied with the move. The household goods were shipped last week, so the house is empty. Hubby and I are sleeping on an air mattress (did I just time-travel back to living in Portsmouth, VA?), and the boys each have their own pack 'n play. Luckily, ours has a bassinet attachment for JC, but poor LB is sleeping in a rented one.
We were also fortunate enough to rent a kitchen set, with dishes and silverware and cups and cookware. Sweet. The last thing I wanted to do was live off Lean Cuisine crap.
I kind of figured that the hard part was over, but it's just beginning. Hubby and I had planned on letting the housing people clean the place for $300. Seemed worth it since it's a lot of work, but now we found out today that we aren't allowed to RugDoctor our carpets, but have to have them professionally cleaned, or pay the housing people about $400 to have that done. Couple that with the $300 cleaning fee, and it would be nearly $700! YIKES!
So we've decided to clean the house ourselves and find a cleaning service to do our carpets. That means a LOT of elbow grease on our part. The cleaning checklist that we were provided is pretty long!
The kiddos are doing great. LB loves that he can run and run and run all day long and not bump into stuff. JC is an eating machine and gets up during the night about two or three times, so I feel like my life is revovling around childcare. I calculated that each feeding takes about 20 minutes, and he eats roughly 8 times a day, so that's over 2 and 1/2 hours of sitting on my ass each day doing nothing but feeding the baby. Naptime is my only productive time... although today's naptime is being spent doing this. Momma needs a mental break.
So that's what's going on. We're busy. BUSY. BUUUSSSSSYYYYYYY. I don't think I can stress that enough. But in about one month, we'll be on a plane to CA and we can settle into our new house... Until we have to move again. :P
We've been really preoccupied with the move. The household goods were shipped last week, so the house is empty. Hubby and I are sleeping on an air mattress (did I just time-travel back to living in Portsmouth, VA?), and the boys each have their own pack 'n play. Luckily, ours has a bassinet attachment for JC, but poor LB is sleeping in a rented one.
We were also fortunate enough to rent a kitchen set, with dishes and silverware and cups and cookware. Sweet. The last thing I wanted to do was live off Lean Cuisine crap.
I kind of figured that the hard part was over, but it's just beginning. Hubby and I had planned on letting the housing people clean the place for $300. Seemed worth it since it's a lot of work, but now we found out today that we aren't allowed to RugDoctor our carpets, but have to have them professionally cleaned, or pay the housing people about $400 to have that done. Couple that with the $300 cleaning fee, and it would be nearly $700! YIKES!
So we've decided to clean the house ourselves and find a cleaning service to do our carpets. That means a LOT of elbow grease on our part. The cleaning checklist that we were provided is pretty long!
The kiddos are doing great. LB loves that he can run and run and run all day long and not bump into stuff. JC is an eating machine and gets up during the night about two or three times, so I feel like my life is revovling around childcare. I calculated that each feeding takes about 20 minutes, and he eats roughly 8 times a day, so that's over 2 and 1/2 hours of sitting on my ass each day doing nothing but feeding the baby. Naptime is my only productive time... although today's naptime is being spent doing this. Momma needs a mental break.
So that's what's going on. We're busy. BUSY. BUUUSSSSSYYYYYYY. I don't think I can stress that enough. But in about one month, we'll be on a plane to CA and we can settle into our new house... Until we have to move again. :P
10/9/09
Excuse me, Father Time, but may I kick you in the nuts?
In the car, I heard the radio playing "Oh Sheila" today. I was pretty surprised and happy and started singing along right away. How cool! I mean, I hardly get to hear that song any more. Now I know why.
It was on the oldies station. Oldies!! Whiskey tango foxtrot?? Are songs from the 80s (and my childhood) considered old now? What a slap in the face. Here I was, having a really good time and singing along, feeling really good, and then I discover that I'm actually an old fart.
Where the hell did the time go? I remember hearing that song in elementary school, and that doesn't seem that long ago... except now that I think about it, it was about 20 years ago. Sheesh. Even high school was over a decade ago.
And now that I think about it, if I don't feel that old, maybe I don't look that old? I wish.
I guess it's time to realize that I'm no longer a fun, youthful teenager but a boring, wrinkled old lady. I guess I should just throw on a housecoat, put my hair in rollers, and crank the oldies station.
It was on the oldies station. Oldies!! Whiskey tango foxtrot?? Are songs from the 80s (and my childhood) considered old now? What a slap in the face. Here I was, having a really good time and singing along, feeling really good, and then I discover that I'm actually an old fart.
Where the hell did the time go? I remember hearing that song in elementary school, and that doesn't seem that long ago... except now that I think about it, it was about 20 years ago. Sheesh. Even high school was over a decade ago.
And now that I think about it, if I don't feel that old, maybe I don't look that old? I wish.
I guess it's time to realize that I'm no longer a fun, youthful teenager but a boring, wrinkled old lady. I guess I should just throw on a housecoat, put my hair in rollers, and crank the oldies station.
10/7/09
Am I supposed to be ecstatic?
Just the other day, I took the boys out. I really needed to go to the commissary (aka, grocery store, for you non-military people), but most importantly, I really wanted to pick up some beer. It's been a long time since I could indulge in a drink or two, and I refused to let two kids and a major surgery stop me.
Before getting the groceries, I went to the package store (aka, beer and liquor store, for you non-military people... again). I strolled around looking for a new and interesting beer to try, then settled on a six pack and went to cash out. You know what happened??
I got carded!
For real! C'mon people, I know I don't look 21 any more. Not even close! In fact, I turned 21 nearly *ahem* a decade ago, plus I had two children with me. Not too many 21 year olds have two children already.
Anyway, I felt really annoyed. I mean, I know you're supposed to get carded under 30or something like that, but it's pretty obvious that I'm old enough to buy beer. I don't think I look bad or ancient or anything, but let's get real, I'm no spring chicken.
I'm sure I'll look back on this when I stop getting carded and wish I have, and think to myself, "Wow, you're stupid for getting angry with people who think you're young!" It's just that I haven't not been carded. Ever. I was even carded while at the liquor store with my mom, LB, and pregnant with JC. Helloooo, being pregnant means not partaking in the alcohol!
So call me crazy, but it just frustrated me to have to dig out my ID just to prove that I'm not young and I am in fact more than old enough to buy beer. Shouldn't visual proof of wrinkles, a fat ass, and dark circles under my eyes be enough?
Before getting the groceries, I went to the package store (aka, beer and liquor store, for you non-military people... again). I strolled around looking for a new and interesting beer to try, then settled on a six pack and went to cash out. You know what happened??
I got carded!
For real! C'mon people, I know I don't look 21 any more. Not even close! In fact, I turned 21 nearly *ahem* a decade ago, plus I had two children with me. Not too many 21 year olds have two children already.
Anyway, I felt really annoyed. I mean, I know you're supposed to get carded under 30or something like that, but it's pretty obvious that I'm old enough to buy beer. I don't think I look bad or ancient or anything, but let's get real, I'm no spring chicken.
I'm sure I'll look back on this when I stop getting carded and wish I have, and think to myself, "Wow, you're stupid for getting angry with people who think you're young!" It's just that I haven't not been carded. Ever. I was even carded while at the liquor store with my mom, LB, and pregnant with JC. Helloooo, being pregnant means not partaking in the alcohol!
So call me crazy, but it just frustrated me to have to dig out my ID just to prove that I'm not young and I am in fact more than old enough to buy beer. Shouldn't visual proof of wrinkles, a fat ass, and dark circles under my eyes be enough?
10/3/09
Owie
I will not be pleased if it turns out this root canal has failed.
One of my front teeth was injured decades ago in a roller skating vs. car accident (you guessed it, the car won- I landed face-first into the rear end). I ended up losing half the tooth, and finally had a root canal done and a crown put over it. Now, I have this terrible pain in my face right under my nose, and it shoots down into that tooth. It even hurts to smile or kiss my hubby!
I've been reading online about root canals, and sometimes they fail. Great. I'm convinced that this tooth is never going to be right. I feel like I should just have an endontist yank it out and put in a dental implant. The only thing I'm worried about is the fact that it's my front tooth. I mean, if I have to go a few weeks without a tooth, it's gonna suck to have that one be front and center. I'll be that lady with the missing teeth.
Anyway, I suppose I should call my dentist and make an appointment. And, if it does need to be redone, I'm posting pictures... after all, there's nothing I can do about a missing tooth, so I may as well entertain you, right? :)
One of my front teeth was injured decades ago in a roller skating vs. car accident (you guessed it, the car won- I landed face-first into the rear end). I ended up losing half the tooth, and finally had a root canal done and a crown put over it. Now, I have this terrible pain in my face right under my nose, and it shoots down into that tooth. It even hurts to smile or kiss my hubby!
I've been reading online about root canals, and sometimes they fail. Great. I'm convinced that this tooth is never going to be right. I feel like I should just have an endontist yank it out and put in a dental implant. The only thing I'm worried about is the fact that it's my front tooth. I mean, if I have to go a few weeks without a tooth, it's gonna suck to have that one be front and center. I'll be that lady with the missing teeth.
Anyway, I suppose I should call my dentist and make an appointment. And, if it does need to be redone, I'm posting pictures... after all, there's nothing I can do about a missing tooth, so I may as well entertain you, right? :)
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