LB's OT appointment was outside in the beautiful sun. My swim workout went well, and both boys were happy coming out of the child watch. And my neighbor watched the boys while I hauled some stuff for her hubby with our truck. When I came back, the boys were bummed about leaving their house, but came home with balloons and cupcakes. And despite the sugar rush, they were really fun tonight.
Just a good day. I needed it!
6/27/12
6/25/12
Seriously, do people fall for this stuff any more?
I just had to share this email I received this afternoon. It made me laugh hysterically. I wish I could actually contact these people, just to make fun of them, but I don't need any crazy person knowing anything about me.
**********************************************************
**********************************************************
Dear Customer!
We have been waiting for you to contact us for your Confirmed Package that is registered with us for shipping to your residential location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to your package. However, we cannot quote its content to you via email for privacy reasons.Note that we were not instructed to email you, but due to the high priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived United Kingdom and he hasn't fixed his phone yet. We indeed personally sealed your Bank Draft and we found your email contact in the receiver's column as the recipient of the foremost package.
We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $2,100,000.00 USD, Ups do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but Bank Drafts are Shippable. The package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague, and your colleague explained that he is from the United States but he is here in United Kingdom for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a consultant firm in United Kingdom, europe, We are sending you this email because your package is been registered on a Special Order and COD MODE is not operational.
What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Department for Immediate dispatch of your package to your residential address; you will have to pay the sum of $210USD to the Ups Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the Ups Company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Note that as soon as our Delivery Team confirm your information, it will take only one working day (24 hours) for your package to arrive it's designated destination. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid for by your colleague before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates are to certify that the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF) neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism in your country. This will help you avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country. Kindly, note that your colleague did not leave us!
with any further information.
Kindly contact the delivery department (Ups Delivery Post) with the details given below:
Ups Online Delivery Post
Contact Person: PAtrick Moutin
Email:ups.contact@kimo.com
Tel: +447011148847
Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given above. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers.
FULL NAMES:
TELEPHONE:
MOBILE:
POSTAL ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager on: ups.contact@kimo.com
As soon as your details are received, our delivery team will give you the necessary payment procedure so that you can effect the payment for the Security Keeping Fee. As soon as they confirm your payment receipt of $210USD, they will not hesitate to dispatch your package as well as the attached letter to your residence. It usually takes 24 hours being an overnight delivery service.
Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a successful reconfirmation.
Do not reply this email because this email account is not monitored. Send your details to ups.contact@kimo.com
Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Joanne Kennedy.
Ups Team Management.
Office Add:234 Forest Road Fertyam Middlesex TW13 7DY United Kingdom
All rights reserved. © 1995-2012
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This E-mail is only for the above addresses. It may contain confidential or privileged information. If you are not an addressee you must not copy, distribute, disclose or use
any of the information in it or any attachments.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ups INTL>>> LICENSE OF UNITED PARCEL SERVICE CORPORATION
We have been waiting for you to contact us for your Confirmed Package that is registered with us for shipping to your residential location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to your package. However, we cannot quote its content to you via email for privacy reasons.Note that we were not instructed to email you, but due to the high priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived United Kingdom and he hasn't fixed his phone yet. We indeed personally sealed your Bank Draft and we found your email contact in the receiver's column as the recipient of the foremost package.
We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $2,100,000.00 USD, Ups do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but Bank Drafts are Shippable. The package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague, and your colleague explained that he is from the United States but he is here in United Kingdom for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a consultant firm in United Kingdom, europe, We are sending you this email because your package is been registered on a Special Order and COD MODE is not operational.
What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Department for Immediate dispatch of your package to your residential address; you will have to pay the sum of $210USD to the Ups Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the Ups Company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Note that as soon as our Delivery Team confirm your information, it will take only one working day (24 hours) for your package to arrive it's designated destination. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid for by your colleague before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates are to certify that the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF) neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism in your country. This will help you avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country. Kindly, note that your colleague did not leave us!
with any further information.
Kindly contact the delivery department (Ups Delivery Post) with the details given below:
Ups Online Delivery Post
Contact Person: PAtrick Moutin
Email:ups.contact@kimo.com
Tel: +447011148847
Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given above. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers.
FULL NAMES:
TELEPHONE:
MOBILE:
POSTAL ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager on: ups.contact@kimo.com
As soon as your details are received, our delivery team will give you the necessary payment procedure so that you can effect the payment for the Security Keeping Fee. As soon as they confirm your payment receipt of $210USD, they will not hesitate to dispatch your package as well as the attached letter to your residence. It usually takes 24 hours being an overnight delivery service.
Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a successful reconfirmation.
Do not reply this email because this email account is not monitored. Send your details to ups.contact@kimo.com
Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Joanne Kennedy.
Ups Team Management.
Office Add:234 Forest Road Fertyam Middlesex TW13 7DY United Kingdom
All rights reserved. © 1995-2012
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This E-mail is only for the above addresses. It may contain confidential or privileged information. If you are not an addressee you must not copy, distribute, disclose or use
any of the information in it or any attachments.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ups INTL>>> LICENSE OF UNITED PARCEL SERVICE CORPORATION
6/23/12
Brash
So, that last post was unfair. Of course I deserved a speeding ticket (though the details I firmly believe were not correct). I guess I was upset because I'm starting to think, if it doesn't matter about the good things you do, then why do them? That post wasn't really about the police... more about my frustration with the world.
I do good things for two reasons- my moral compass and (perceived) recognition. As a kid and a teenager, if you did something good, you were rewarded. Studied hard? You got an A. Practiced your flute like mad? You got into All-State. Worked overtime to ensure that your section of the marching band knew their charts perfectly? You were in the paper (seriously, that happened... apparently, my former district really valued music and a hard work ethic). But you know what I'm learning about the real world (which is a hard lesson, considering I spent the first 18 years of my life in that reward system bubble): nobody cares.
Nobody cares what you do. Hold the door for someone? You probably won't get thanked. Be 100% honest on your resume? You will probably lose the job to someone who fibbed on theirs. Trust your local politicians to accurately represent you? Only if you hold similar beliefs.
My moral compass hasn't swayed, but I'm feeling bitter about it. If nobody cares whether you follow the rules or not, then why do it? Some people would argue that it makes you feel good to do good. True, though temporary. And some would argue that doing the right thing does get noticed. Of course, we all know about the bus monitor who did the right thing in her situation, and now is going to receive something like $500K because of generous people recognizing her actions. But honestly, how often does that happen? If you pick up litter off the street and throw it in a trashcan, there is no personal cheering squad screaming, "Go you! Woo hoo!" There are no ribbons, awards, and trophies in life.
Then, of course, there's the thought of setting a good example. That's part of my moral compass, trying to live by the Golden Rule, showing my kids how to be good people. I guess that should be good reason enough, but as all parents know, kids don't always pick up on the examples set for them.
Am I really going through a mid-life crisis? Geez, when did this blog become so dark? I'm going to need to post something light-hearted next time! But, thanks for putting up with me (if you've read this far).
(Feel free to tell me I'm right, wrong, crazy, need a psychotherapist, etc. I'm hardly offended by much!)
I do good things for two reasons- my moral compass and (perceived) recognition. As a kid and a teenager, if you did something good, you were rewarded. Studied hard? You got an A. Practiced your flute like mad? You got into All-State. Worked overtime to ensure that your section of the marching band knew their charts perfectly? You were in the paper (seriously, that happened... apparently, my former district really valued music and a hard work ethic). But you know what I'm learning about the real world (which is a hard lesson, considering I spent the first 18 years of my life in that reward system bubble): nobody cares.
Nobody cares what you do. Hold the door for someone? You probably won't get thanked. Be 100% honest on your resume? You will probably lose the job to someone who fibbed on theirs. Trust your local politicians to accurately represent you? Only if you hold similar beliefs.
My moral compass hasn't swayed, but I'm feeling bitter about it. If nobody cares whether you follow the rules or not, then why do it? Some people would argue that it makes you feel good to do good. True, though temporary. And some would argue that doing the right thing does get noticed. Of course, we all know about the bus monitor who did the right thing in her situation, and now is going to receive something like $500K because of generous people recognizing her actions. But honestly, how often does that happen? If you pick up litter off the street and throw it in a trashcan, there is no personal cheering squad screaming, "Go you! Woo hoo!" There are no ribbons, awards, and trophies in life.
Then, of course, there's the thought of setting a good example. That's part of my moral compass, trying to live by the Golden Rule, showing my kids how to be good people. I guess that should be good reason enough, but as all parents know, kids don't always pick up on the examples set for them.
Am I really going through a mid-life crisis? Geez, when did this blog become so dark? I'm going to need to post something light-hearted next time! But, thanks for putting up with me (if you've read this far).
(Feel free to tell me I'm right, wrong, crazy, need a psychotherapist, etc. I'm hardly offended by much!)
6/21/12
Singled out
And not in a good way.
Today, I took the boys to the zoo. It was fun- LB rode a camel, and JC fed the goats. They loved the sharks and tiger and penguins and elephants. I was a little frustrating, as is expected when you take two preschoolers to a zoo. But overall, it was fun.
The ride home was not so fun.
Things were moving along well at 70 mph. I was behind a white Jeep Laredo for awhile. I couldn't have been going any faster than the person in front of me because there were enough people on the road to prevent passing. So, I was shocked when I got pulled over for speeding, and was cited for doing 75 in a 60! Granted, I knew I was going over the speed limit- we all were. I was just pissed that I was singled out. And is it just me, or are cops supposed to ask for your registration and proof of insurance? He just asked me what year my car was.
I was too stunned to question the cop, especially when he said he clocked me at 75. So I just took the ticket, crumpled it up, and drove off. But after thinking about it tonight, I'm angry.
I'm a law-abiding citizen. I don't jay-walk. I don't do drugs. I don't sell myself on the street corner. I've never even smoked pot. I try like hell to do the right thing all the time and be an honest person, and now this will be on my record. And, truthfully, I think the cop fibbed my speed- I mean, how convenient that I was "clocked" at exactly 15 over?
But what pissed me off the most is that on the back of the ticket, it says "You will lose your drivers license / privilege". I haven't been pulled over in a decade, never been in an accident, and on my first speeding ticket, I'm going to lose my license? With a deployed husband? And a son that has weekly OT? Not happening. First thing tomorrow, I'm headed to base to consult Navy Legal. I don't know what the state of Washington thinks they're doing, but it's definitely not taking away my license. Okay, so after making a few calls and crying hysterically, someone finally explained that I would lose my license if I don't pay. Whew. Apparently, it's written at the top of the ticket in light gray lettering (couldn't make that out, since I had creased the paper in that spot, oops). Of course, I'm gonna pay, but holy crap was that one scary thought.
PS- Has anyone ever noticed that we only reward criminals for good behavior?? What about the rest of us? Do we have to be arrested and in prison to be recognized for our good deeds?
Today, I took the boys to the zoo. It was fun- LB rode a camel, and JC fed the goats. They loved the sharks and tiger and penguins and elephants. I was a little frustrating, as is expected when you take two preschoolers to a zoo. But overall, it was fun.
The ride home was not so fun.
Things were moving along well at 70 mph. I was behind a white Jeep Laredo for awhile. I couldn't have been going any faster than the person in front of me because there were enough people on the road to prevent passing. So, I was shocked when I got pulled over for speeding, and was cited for doing 75 in a 60! Granted, I knew I was going over the speed limit- we all were. I was just pissed that I was singled out. And is it just me, or are cops supposed to ask for your registration and proof of insurance? He just asked me what year my car was.
I was too stunned to question the cop, especially when he said he clocked me at 75. So I just took the ticket, crumpled it up, and drove off. But after thinking about it tonight, I'm angry.
I'm a law-abiding citizen. I don't jay-walk. I don't do drugs. I don't sell myself on the street corner. I've never even smoked pot. I try like hell to do the right thing all the time and be an honest person, and now this will be on my record. And, truthfully, I think the cop fibbed my speed- I mean, how convenient that I was "clocked" at exactly 15 over?
6/20/12
A lot of little things on my mind
1. My mom's in the hospital. Nothing serious (I hope)- a very bad case of vertigo. So far, the MRI hasn't shown anything, so that's great news... it just sucks that they still don't know why she's feeling this way.
2. I had the best massage today at the Y. This guy must have been very studious in anatomy class, because he knew every little muscle, ligament, whatnot in the body, and how they interact, and why I've been in pain. I barely had to say anything, and he'd press on a spot in my hip and nearly knock my socks off. I feel friggin amazing- no hip popping and cracking, no pain, just a feeling of... normalcy. Feeling like I'm back to me. Definitely going to go back!
3. Poor LB... he has such a hard time with transitions. I had to literally drag him out of the Y childcare on Monday, kicking and screaming and throwing a huge tantrum. It took awhile for him to calm down, since he had started hyperventilating. So today, I talked with him before we went in about what was going to happen, how long he'd be there, and what he was supposed to do when I came to pick him up.... then I crossed my fingers. *Big sigh of relief* It worked. No tears, no screaming, no kicking, no flailing, no head-banging (yeah, I thought we were past this, but we're not). Just a very calm little boy who walked up to me on his own. So today was a winner in that respect.
4. I mowed and trimmed the lawn... and ended up with an itchy, sore throat, itchy & red eyes, a sneezing fit, and a red, itchy rash on my arms. Okay, I give up. Apparently, I'm allergic to anything that is green and grows outside. That sucks. I think it is time to call a lawn maintenance company to take care of the yard work. Does anyone else get this done? It just feels so ..... pretentious.
5. Eh, can't say it.
6. First day of summer, yay! So why is it going to be in the 50s and rainy this weekend?? Anyone care to tell me when summer starts around here? I understand it's the PNW and all, but it's June 20th.
I hope you all are having a wonderful first day of summer!
2. I had the best massage today at the Y. This guy must have been very studious in anatomy class, because he knew every little muscle, ligament, whatnot in the body, and how they interact, and why I've been in pain. I barely had to say anything, and he'd press on a spot in my hip and nearly knock my socks off. I feel friggin amazing- no hip popping and cracking, no pain, just a feeling of... normalcy. Feeling like I'm back to me. Definitely going to go back!
3. Poor LB... he has such a hard time with transitions. I had to literally drag him out of the Y childcare on Monday, kicking and screaming and throwing a huge tantrum. It took awhile for him to calm down, since he had started hyperventilating. So today, I talked with him before we went in about what was going to happen, how long he'd be there, and what he was supposed to do when I came to pick him up.... then I crossed my fingers. *Big sigh of relief* It worked. No tears, no screaming, no kicking, no flailing, no head-banging (yeah, I thought we were past this, but we're not). Just a very calm little boy who walked up to me on his own. So today was a winner in that respect.
4. I mowed and trimmed the lawn... and ended up with an itchy, sore throat, itchy & red eyes, a sneezing fit, and a red, itchy rash on my arms. Okay, I give up. Apparently, I'm allergic to anything that is green and grows outside. That sucks. I think it is time to call a lawn maintenance company to take care of the yard work. Does anyone else get this done? It just feels so ..... pretentious.
5. Eh, can't say it.
6. First day of summer, yay! So why is it going to be in the 50s and rainy this weekend?? Anyone care to tell me when summer starts around here? I understand it's the PNW and all, but it's June 20th.
I hope you all are having a wonderful first day of summer!
6/16/12
Am I supposed to be floundering?
It seems like people ask me all the time, "How are you doing with the deployment? Do you need anything? Is everything going okay? Are you doing okay?" I feel like they're waiting for me to break down in tears, complaining about how I don't know what I'm doing and that I need so much help and how much I miss my husband.
I do miss my husband. But I know what I'm doing, and I really don't need help. Okay, that's a teensy lie. It would be super nice if someone could take care of the yardwork, because I really hate doing it. But it's not like I don't know how to operate the weed whacker. And it's not like I can't take care of the vehicles or the children or the house. In fact, things seem to have gotten a tiny bit easier. There's no grown-man mouth to feed. The laundry situation is way more under control. And it's really nice knowing that someone isn't going to spend $400 at West Marine every few days. I just want to say to those people, "Honestly, I got this."
Is this how people see military wives?? I hear from lots of people, "Oh, you military wives are so strong, I couldn't last two weeks without my husband", then the next minute, they're asking me if anything is wrong. It seems like they don't really believe that we can handle it- it's just something PC for them to say. I think they honestly believe that military wives are lost without their husbands.
What's your take? If you're a milspouse, do you feel freaked out at the prospect of doing it alone? Or do you feel like it's an opportunity to assert your independence? And if you're a civilian, how do you honestly view military wives- strong, independent women who can hold down the fort, or emotional wrecks that rely on everyone but themselves to function?
I do miss my husband. But I know what I'm doing, and I really don't need help. Okay, that's a teensy lie. It would be super nice if someone could take care of the yardwork, because I really hate doing it. But it's not like I don't know how to operate the weed whacker. And it's not like I can't take care of the vehicles or the children or the house. In fact, things seem to have gotten a tiny bit easier. There's no grown-man mouth to feed. The laundry situation is way more under control. And it's really nice knowing that someone isn't going to spend $400 at West Marine every few days. I just want to say to those people, "Honestly, I got this."
Is this how people see military wives?? I hear from lots of people, "Oh, you military wives are so strong, I couldn't last two weeks without my husband", then the next minute, they're asking me if anything is wrong. It seems like they don't really believe that we can handle it- it's just something PC for them to say. I think they honestly believe that military wives are lost without their husbands.
What's your take? If you're a milspouse, do you feel freaked out at the prospect of doing it alone? Or do you feel like it's an opportunity to assert your independence? And if you're a civilian, how do you honestly view military wives- strong, independent women who can hold down the fort, or emotional wrecks that rely on everyone but themselves to function?
6/9/12
ON it!
Hubby deployed today. For some reason, there's something motivating about that. I've been making a ton of lists and charts to help me accomplish some of my deployment goals (it will be a short one, which is why I think I feel the need to get crackin')...
1. Work on my fitness. Duh. A constant goal.
2. Plan & book a hot springs get-away for after he gets back. Yes, he knows about it, but I'd like for him to come home and have everything planned and paid for and ready to go.
3. Clean up our backyard. Weed effing central. It needs a lot of TLC, and I'd like to make it all romantic by stringing some outdoor lights under the canopy.
4. Put plates and base stickers on all his vehicles & toys.
5. Sign the kids up for parks and rec stuff to keep them busy. For LB, there's a weekly soccer class, which I think he'd love. The kid has a knack for the sport. Poor JC- there's not much offered for his age group, but we have the Y.
6. Send a care package through AnySailor. You subby wives know that the wife can't do much for the husband when he's deployed. This makes me feel like I can help in some way. Besides, my cousin's husband is soon headed to Afghanistan, so I'll be sending lots of care packages!
7. Get the ball rolling on a plastic surgeon to fix the diastasis recti and get a tummy tuck.
I made a three month calendar for the boys. LB said he wanted to put heart stickers on the days that Daddy is gone. I also covered my calendar in things to do that Hubby spelled out for me (run the truck every two weeks-ish, check on the boat, where to find the weedwhacker stuff, etc). The house is a mess, there's crap everywhere, but I feel better with a plan. I might have overdone it with the lists (weekly cleaning check list, the never-ending Things To Do list, weight chart, kid chore chart...), but I feel in control. It's nice. :)
Here's to a quick and productive deployment!
1. Work on my fitness. Duh. A constant goal.
2. Plan & book a hot springs get-away for after he gets back. Yes, he knows about it, but I'd like for him to come home and have everything planned and paid for and ready to go.
3. Clean up our backyard. Weed effing central. It needs a lot of TLC, and I'd like to make it all romantic by stringing some outdoor lights under the canopy.
4. Put plates and base stickers on all his vehicles & toys.
5. Sign the kids up for parks and rec stuff to keep them busy. For LB, there's a weekly soccer class, which I think he'd love. The kid has a knack for the sport. Poor JC- there's not much offered for his age group, but we have the Y.
6. Send a care package through AnySailor. You subby wives know that the wife can't do much for the husband when he's deployed. This makes me feel like I can help in some way. Besides, my cousin's husband is soon headed to Afghanistan, so I'll be sending lots of care packages!
7. Get the ball rolling on a plastic surgeon to fix the diastasis recti and get a tummy tuck.
I made a three month calendar for the boys. LB said he wanted to put heart stickers on the days that Daddy is gone. I also covered my calendar in things to do that Hubby spelled out for me (run the truck every two weeks-ish, check on the boat, where to find the weedwhacker stuff, etc). The house is a mess, there's crap everywhere, but I feel better with a plan. I might have overdone it with the lists (weekly cleaning check list, the never-ending Things To Do list, weight chart, kid chore chart...), but I feel in control. It's nice. :)
Here's to a quick and productive deployment!
6/7/12
Better
Yesterday, I cried in front of the husband. Couldn't help it. LB has been telling me over and over that he's running away and wishes I would disappear and never come back. After we got back from Pizza Hut, I went into the office with my laptop and googled "my son hates me". Turns out, it's very common with autistic kids, since they have trouble seeing positive tokens, but focus on negative tokens. Doesn't make it any better. I hid in the office and ignored Hubby until it was time for us to go to bed. Just me, alone. Oh, and I also plucked my eyebrows, since (again) I can't remember the last time I did that.
Today, I made pancakes for the boys and they gobbled them up. I've tried to talk as less as possible, just letting them have their day and me have mine. They were even in pajamas until noon. It's been rainy and cold here, so who cares anyway. I was able to enjoy not one, but two cups of coffee in peace. Oh, and I've stopped making compromises on my coffee. Folgers is okay, but Gevalia is divine and I deserve it. By the way, their house blend is excellent, but I also received a big discount through their website, so I ordered five different flavors to try. Yum! I'm looking forward to them already! (I was not paid to say nice things about Gevalia... I don't use the blog to make money, just to vent and save my sanity, so whatever nice things I say are genuine and not bought)
I stood in front of my sheet music last night and stared at it. There was a time where I would look at those pages every day, reading the music and making notes on how to play it better. Not a day went by without studying pages of music. Now, it seems like a completely different life. It was too late to start practicing last night, but I will pull out those sheets again.
I'm gradually doing better at focusing on what makes me happy. Starting small- time alone, personal hygiene, and a hot cup of coffee. Now, maybe a little practice session is in order. The boys are playing video games (permissible on cold, rainy June days)- hopefully it keeps their attention so I can play in peace!
Today, I made pancakes for the boys and they gobbled them up. I've tried to talk as less as possible, just letting them have their day and me have mine. They were even in pajamas until noon. It's been rainy and cold here, so who cares anyway. I was able to enjoy not one, but two cups of coffee in peace. Oh, and I've stopped making compromises on my coffee. Folgers is okay, but Gevalia is divine and I deserve it. By the way, their house blend is excellent, but I also received a big discount through their website, so I ordered five different flavors to try. Yum! I'm looking forward to them already! (I was not paid to say nice things about Gevalia... I don't use the blog to make money, just to vent and save my sanity, so whatever nice things I say are genuine and not bought)
I stood in front of my sheet music last night and stared at it. There was a time where I would look at those pages every day, reading the music and making notes on how to play it better. Not a day went by without studying pages of music. Now, it seems like a completely different life. It was too late to start practicing last night, but I will pull out those sheets again.
I'm gradually doing better at focusing on what makes me happy. Starting small- time alone, personal hygiene, and a hot cup of coffee. Now, maybe a little practice session is in order. The boys are playing video games (permissible on cold, rainy June days)- hopefully it keeps their attention so I can play in peace!
6/5/12
If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
I've been in a funk. Feeling uninspired... stuck... feeling like the days are so long, but I don't have any time to do what I want. And the impending lifestyle change, aka deployment, will not help at all.
I read an article about personal needs vs personal values. And based on the questions (Do you wake up thinking, do I have to do this again today? Do you feeling like something is missing? Do you feel unappreciated? Are you saying you want to lose weight, but you are eating chocolate candy every day and not sure why you can't stop?... um, yes to all), my personal needs and personal values are out of whack.
Taking a look at just personal needs, it's very obvious why I'm in a funk. I think most mothers of little ones agree that personal needs often take a backseat, and more effort needs to be put in to see them met. For example, after my shower yesterday, which was the first in three days, I noticed I hadn't cut my toenails in forever. I could remember the last time I cut the boys', but not my own. Yikes. And gross.
The article suggested determining the needs that are driving you. I think my most important need is to be recognized as me, a human being, not some Mom-bot. For most of my day, I'm viewed by my children as "Mommy, the provider". I'm a person who sees that their needs are met, and because they are preschoolers, they are not in a position to reciprocate and see that my needs are met. I understand that, though it's immensely frustrating. I rely on Hubby for that kind of recognition, but between getting ready for deployment, on top of a time-consuming job in port, there's little time for him to fulfill any personal needs I ask of him. (That's not a get-out-of-jail-free card. As a husband, he has some responsibility to fulfill some of my personal needs, like I have a responsibility to fulfill some of his. My point is that by the time we have time alone, we're both too exhausted to do anything but veg on the couch)
Another personal need that I have to recognize is needing more time alone. I've always enjoyed being by myself, whether it's going out and wandering downtown or reading or painting my nails. None of that can be done alone as a SAHM to little boys, and Hubby's usually home late enough for me to feel guilty bailing on him. I should stop feeling guilty... though it's hard when I have a limited number of days with him. One of my solutions to this is finding a reliable babysitter. That has its own challenges, as sitters aren't typically experienced in Aspergers and autism, which makes me feel uncomfortable about leaving the boys with them, and also makes many of them not willing to babysit for us again.
That last personal need bleeds into personal values, things I have always liked to do as a child, teenager, or adult. Music has taken a backseat, bigtime. The boys cannot be trusted around my instruments, even when I'm playing them (sticking their little fingers in the hole at the end of my flute may be cute, but it messes up my embouchure and breaks my concentration, making me pissy). It's also insanely frustrating to stop every minute or two to break up a fight or put someone in time-out. Continuity of concentration is key for me... some people feel okay parenting and practicing at the same time, but it just makes me feel more agitated and angry. I like to take my music seriously, and that can't be done with all the kid commotion that comes with two little boys.
I used to read all the time as a kid. I can't remember the last book I read for pleasure. Sad. That personal value might actually improve with deployment, as I can sit down a read a good book without feeling guilty about ignoring Hubby.
The Y is a wonderful outlet for my personal value of getting into shape, and fulfills my personal need of time alone.
And even though I enjoy and value my alone time, I also value friendships and having personal connections with people. It's easier to bond with other women with kids, but I enjoy those friendships without the kids, too. Having a standing girls' night might help... though finding a reliable sitter is key to that, too.
I have a lot of reflecting and work to do to get myself out of this rut, especially without Hubby's help. It's going to take a lot of planning, but it's essential to getting "me" back. Being "LB & JC's Mom" is okay, but I can't only be that.
I read an article about personal needs vs personal values. And based on the questions (Do you wake up thinking, do I have to do this again today? Do you feeling like something is missing? Do you feel unappreciated? Are you saying you want to lose weight, but you are eating chocolate candy every day and not sure why you can't stop?... um, yes to all), my personal needs and personal values are out of whack.
Taking a look at just personal needs, it's very obvious why I'm in a funk. I think most mothers of little ones agree that personal needs often take a backseat, and more effort needs to be put in to see them met. For example, after my shower yesterday, which was the first in three days, I noticed I hadn't cut my toenails in forever. I could remember the last time I cut the boys', but not my own. Yikes. And gross.
The article suggested determining the needs that are driving you. I think my most important need is to be recognized as me, a human being, not some Mom-bot. For most of my day, I'm viewed by my children as "Mommy, the provider". I'm a person who sees that their needs are met, and because they are preschoolers, they are not in a position to reciprocate and see that my needs are met. I understand that, though it's immensely frustrating. I rely on Hubby for that kind of recognition, but between getting ready for deployment, on top of a time-consuming job in port, there's little time for him to fulfill any personal needs I ask of him. (That's not a get-out-of-jail-free card. As a husband, he has some responsibility to fulfill some of my personal needs, like I have a responsibility to fulfill some of his. My point is that by the time we have time alone, we're both too exhausted to do anything but veg on the couch)
Another personal need that I have to recognize is needing more time alone. I've always enjoyed being by myself, whether it's going out and wandering downtown or reading or painting my nails. None of that can be done alone as a SAHM to little boys, and Hubby's usually home late enough for me to feel guilty bailing on him. I should stop feeling guilty... though it's hard when I have a limited number of days with him. One of my solutions to this is finding a reliable babysitter. That has its own challenges, as sitters aren't typically experienced in Aspergers and autism, which makes me feel uncomfortable about leaving the boys with them, and also makes many of them not willing to babysit for us again.
That last personal need bleeds into personal values, things I have always liked to do as a child, teenager, or adult. Music has taken a backseat, bigtime. The boys cannot be trusted around my instruments, even when I'm playing them (sticking their little fingers in the hole at the end of my flute may be cute, but it messes up my embouchure and breaks my concentration, making me pissy). It's also insanely frustrating to stop every minute or two to break up a fight or put someone in time-out. Continuity of concentration is key for me... some people feel okay parenting and practicing at the same time, but it just makes me feel more agitated and angry. I like to take my music seriously, and that can't be done with all the kid commotion that comes with two little boys.
I used to read all the time as a kid. I can't remember the last book I read for pleasure. Sad. That personal value might actually improve with deployment, as I can sit down a read a good book without feeling guilty about ignoring Hubby.
The Y is a wonderful outlet for my personal value of getting into shape, and fulfills my personal need of time alone.
And even though I enjoy and value my alone time, I also value friendships and having personal connections with people. It's easier to bond with other women with kids, but I enjoy those friendships without the kids, too. Having a standing girls' night might help... though finding a reliable sitter is key to that, too.
I have a lot of reflecting and work to do to get myself out of this rut, especially without Hubby's help. It's going to take a lot of planning, but it's essential to getting "me" back. Being "LB & JC's Mom" is okay, but I can't only be that.
6/2/12
Ohmmmmm...
I vacuumed, cleaned, did laundry, etc... but nothing was giving me a sense of accomplishment. Then, I discovered the reason why- the toy room.
You see, the kids have a downstairs room all to themselves to house their immense collection of toys (which, admittedly, sits unused a lot of the time, making it all that much more painful to see). It's nice because it's not on the main floor of the house, so the mess can be contained. Oh, but what a mess... And, it's the first thing you see when you come into the house from the garage. "Oh, welcome home! You had a horrible DMV experience with two insane children?? Let me remind you of even more shit awaiting for you!"
So today, I banished the boys from the toy room (because they weren't helping so much as playing with everything I had just put away) and went to town, armed with two bags intended for Goodwill & the trash. Things are now put away, and all the little pieces that were strewn across the floor now have a home. And, the best part, there's a pile of stuff I'm about to put in the back of my car and donate.
Don't think that I'm a horrible person, throwing the kids' toys away. They have PLENTY. Really. This stuff that I'm donating are things that they never use any more, or are broken (one bag to donate, one bag to throw out). And, I feel so. much. better. And I'm sure they do too, now that they can find the toys they want.
What sort of cleaning do you do that gives you the biggest sense of accomplishment??
You see, the kids have a downstairs room all to themselves to house their immense collection of toys (which, admittedly, sits unused a lot of the time, making it all that much more painful to see). It's nice because it's not on the main floor of the house, so the mess can be contained. Oh, but what a mess... And, it's the first thing you see when you come into the house from the garage. "Oh, welcome home! You had a horrible DMV experience with two insane children?? Let me remind you of even more shit awaiting for you!"
So today, I banished the boys from the toy room (because they weren't helping so much as playing with everything I had just put away) and went to town, armed with two bags intended for Goodwill & the trash. Things are now put away, and all the little pieces that were strewn across the floor now have a home. And, the best part, there's a pile of stuff I'm about to put in the back of my car and donate.
Don't think that I'm a horrible person, throwing the kids' toys away. They have PLENTY. Really. This stuff that I'm donating are things that they never use any more, or are broken (one bag to donate, one bag to throw out). And, I feel so. much. better. And I'm sure they do too, now that they can find the toys they want.
What sort of cleaning do you do that gives you the biggest sense of accomplishment??
6/1/12
June Milspouse Friday Fill-in
1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?
LB's diagnosis of ASD.
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in May?
LB's diagnosis of ASD. It's a double-edged sword... it sucks that he will have to deal with Aspergers for his entire life, but it allows us to get the help he needs, which means he'll be able to deal with it quicker and better.
3. June includes the first day of summer… what are your plans for the summer?
My plans? I don't have many. I will be dealing with a deployment most of the summer... and fall... and part of the winter. The rest of this year will be very light on husband interaction. :( But we're taking advantage of our remaining free time! This weekend, we will be journeying out to Forks for some cheesy Twilight tourism. I'm pretty sure you can buy a Werewolf Burger or a Cullen Clam Chowder, followed up by a Bella Banana Split.
4. Do you use the services on base (gym, financial planning, family services, daycare)? And if so, what’s your favorite one? (thanks to Shanon at Modern Meets Traditional for this question!)
I would like to! Really, I would. But the drop-in child care is almost always full, even when I call several weeks in advance. Which means, I don't use the gym (we have a Y membership, anyway, that we love). I barely even shop at the commissary or exchange any more, since discovering extreme couponing. I mostly go on base for the SOSA meetings.
5. What are you looking forward to in June?
Warmer weather and deployment... deployment only because we're at the point where waiting for it is so much worse than actually saying goodbye.
LB's diagnosis of ASD.
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in May?
LB's diagnosis of ASD. It's a double-edged sword... it sucks that he will have to deal with Aspergers for his entire life, but it allows us to get the help he needs, which means he'll be able to deal with it quicker and better.
3. June includes the first day of summer… what are your plans for the summer?
My plans? I don't have many. I will be dealing with a deployment most of the summer... and fall... and part of the winter. The rest of this year will be very light on husband interaction. :( But we're taking advantage of our remaining free time! This weekend, we will be journeying out to Forks for some cheesy Twilight tourism. I'm pretty sure you can buy a Werewolf Burger or a Cullen Clam Chowder, followed up by a Bella Banana Split.
4. Do you use the services on base (gym, financial planning, family services, daycare)? And if so, what’s your favorite one? (thanks to Shanon at Modern Meets Traditional for this question!)
I would like to! Really, I would. But the drop-in child care is almost always full, even when I call several weeks in advance. Which means, I don't use the gym (we have a Y membership, anyway, that we love). I barely even shop at the commissary or exchange any more, since discovering extreme couponing. I mostly go on base for the SOSA meetings.
5. What are you looking forward to in June?
Warmer weather and deployment... deployment only because we're at the point where waiting for it is so much worse than actually saying goodbye.
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