A friend of mine recently got rid of her son's kiddie items that he'd outgrown and was feeling a little sad and nostalgic about it. Her four year old son then told her that she could call him "sunshine" and "baby boy", even if he was all grown up and in college, then gave her a big hug.
When I heard that, I thought, wow, that kid is super sweet! Why doesn't my four year old say that? Then I remembered that LB has Aspergers, and will probably never be able to say something like that ever.
It really put things into light how different my son is. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to have a neurotypical kid, and what it's like to connect with your own flesh and blood. It makes me sad, selfishly, to think that he'll never be able to empathize with our feelings, or to understand other people's emotions. And it makes me sad for him that he'll never experience that. Of course, he'll never know the difference, so hopefully it will be easier to not know what he's missing out on.
But for me, it's just torture. He'll hug me, but it's guarded. He pulls away. He never relaxes in my arms. He'll kiss me, then wipe it away because he hates the sensation. I'm trying desperately to forget "actions speak louder than words"- I know he loves me (I think), but is unable to show it. I've seen him make strides in OT and preschool, but it's still so structured and rote. There's nothing really spontaneous and organic about his affection, and I don't think there ever will be.
I'm sorry this has been a Debbie Downer blog for the past several posts. I know I need to start seeing the silver lining to things, but I'm in a serious funk and just can't get my head out of it.
11/9/12
Am I in middle school again??
I recently got into a huge argument with my sister. No- it was more like a screaming match. Why? Because of stupid facebook. Seriously. I thought I was in the clear with facebook drama by removing friends that were going off the deep end, and I really, honestly NEVER expected her, of all people, to say what she said.
Just a little background... she (we'll call her T) has been dating this guy for over a year now. He comes to family functions and weddings and has slept over at our house. They recently went on a big around-the-world trip. They say "I love you" to each other.
I was friends with both of them on facebook. When someone accepts your friend request, I always thought it meant that you were, like, friends and all. So I commented here and there. A "it was great to see you again!" and a "I miss you guys!", nothing too in-depth, although I PMed him once, to ask his opinion on a gift I bought for T's birthday.
Just a few days ago, I received a message from T. She said that my comments to her boyfriend were "forward and suggestive". She said that because of their slow progress toward having a relationship, she was feeling uncomfortable with it.
I initially said "WHAT??!!", but thought that a phone call would clear things up. That phone call actually turned into the most ridiculous fight I've had as an adult. I knew she was dealing with some serious trust issues, but I had no idea that she would actually fabricate intentions that weren't there. She had said in her message that she wasn't saying I was doing anything intentional, but if that were true, she wouldn't take those comments as something they weren't. She told me she was having issues trusting her boyfriend around other girls and that I don't know him well enough to be saying anything to him. She also said that my comments should have included her, by tagging her or mentioning her name. I said I would de-friend her boyfriend because there's nothing else I can do to appease her, and she said that was fine, if that's what I wanted to do.
That's when I kinda blew up. No, I didn't want to delete someone, just because someone else feels upset. It was so middle school- "you have to be friends with ME, not THEM!" And the part that drove me up a wall is that she honestly thinks I'm trying to hit on her boyfriend. I asked for proof, to provide me with exactly what was said that would be offensive, and she couldn't. I told her that she has some serious issues, that this is HER problem, not mine, and that she needs to work it out on her own.... then I hung up on her. I know, that was childish, but I was boiling mad.
I just don't understand the whole thing. This is a guy that she's been dating for over a year, and she doesn't want her sister to get to know him at all? It also doesn't make any sense, because not once have I "stolen" a boyfriend from her. To be honest, I'm not as pretty as her, so it would have been impossible, even if I wanted to. I don't think I was being forward and suggestive- I didn't say anything to him that I wouldn't have said to my brother's girlfriend, or my best friend's ex-husband, or anyone for that matter.
So I deleted and blocked both of them. I'm currently not speaking to her- I feel she owes me an apology for her slander. She says that he also feels I was being suggestive, but I can't imagine why someone would take offense to me caring about them. And if that IS true, and he thinks that my comments were out of line, then the two crazies deserve each other.
Just a little background... she (we'll call her T) has been dating this guy for over a year now. He comes to family functions and weddings and has slept over at our house. They recently went on a big around-the-world trip. They say "I love you" to each other.
I was friends with both of them on facebook. When someone accepts your friend request, I always thought it meant that you were, like, friends and all. So I commented here and there. A "it was great to see you again!" and a "I miss you guys!", nothing too in-depth, although I PMed him once, to ask his opinion on a gift I bought for T's birthday.
Just a few days ago, I received a message from T. She said that my comments to her boyfriend were "forward and suggestive". She said that because of their slow progress toward having a relationship, she was feeling uncomfortable with it.
I initially said "WHAT??!!", but thought that a phone call would clear things up. That phone call actually turned into the most ridiculous fight I've had as an adult. I knew she was dealing with some serious trust issues, but I had no idea that she would actually fabricate intentions that weren't there. She had said in her message that she wasn't saying I was doing anything intentional, but if that were true, she wouldn't take those comments as something they weren't. She told me she was having issues trusting her boyfriend around other girls and that I don't know him well enough to be saying anything to him. She also said that my comments should have included her, by tagging her or mentioning her name. I said I would de-friend her boyfriend because there's nothing else I can do to appease her, and she said that was fine, if that's what I wanted to do.
That's when I kinda blew up. No, I didn't want to delete someone, just because someone else feels upset. It was so middle school- "you have to be friends with ME, not THEM!" And the part that drove me up a wall is that she honestly thinks I'm trying to hit on her boyfriend. I asked for proof, to provide me with exactly what was said that would be offensive, and she couldn't. I told her that she has some serious issues, that this is HER problem, not mine, and that she needs to work it out on her own.... then I hung up on her. I know, that was childish, but I was boiling mad.
I just don't understand the whole thing. This is a guy that she's been dating for over a year, and she doesn't want her sister to get to know him at all? It also doesn't make any sense, because not once have I "stolen" a boyfriend from her. To be honest, I'm not as pretty as her, so it would have been impossible, even if I wanted to. I don't think I was being forward and suggestive- I didn't say anything to him that I wouldn't have said to my brother's girlfriend, or my best friend's ex-husband, or anyone for that matter.
So I deleted and blocked both of them. I'm currently not speaking to her- I feel she owes me an apology for her slander. She says that he also feels I was being suggestive, but I can't imagine why someone would take offense to me caring about them. And if that IS true, and he thinks that my comments were out of line, then the two crazies deserve each other.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
