So you all have heard of the CT shootings. Since then, I've heard everything from "guns should be banned!" to "more guns are the solution!" I'm not here to say I have a solution... If I did, I certainly would be declaring it for all to hear. But I do have some thoughts.
The banning of guns incites the most thoughts on this topic, mostly because I don't feel banning anything makes the problem go away. Sure, it sounds great on paper, and those that support this idea are not the ones that would do anything to kill people, but the people to who this law is directed are exactly the people that DON'T follow the law. It's just a sad, unfortunate fact. To state the obvious, criminals, by definition, don't follow the law. Banning guns would only ensure the crazy people are the ones purchasing them on the inevitable black market- the rest of the sane gun-toting population wouldn't risk breaking the law and being punished. Okay, maybe some would, but the ones with those dark, sinister motives definitely would.
Let's look back in our history. Prohibition- banned alcohol. But did it stop people from buying it on the black market and drinking it? Nope. We also made abortions illegal. That didn't stop women from seeking the procedure. And of course, heroin, cocaine, and meth are illegal, but according to the UN, drug abuse kills 200,000 people each year. If we banned guns, it wouldn't stop people from purchasing them. It would just make it impossible for states to conduct background checks and keep tabs on who buys them.
Now, let's talk about the flip side of the argument. More gun presence in schools may be effective, but it doesn't always make sense to fight fire with fire. It certainly wouldn't have been plausible to think several weeks ago that an elementary school in CT would need one. Would an armed officer have prevented this kind of massacre? I don't know. Probably not- after all, if a person is so deranged as to want to light up a first grade classroom, they're not going to let anything stop them.
What we have here doesn't seem to be a gun issue as much as a mental health issue. What I propose is to strongly suggest a yearly mental health check up. It makes sense to me- you get a yearly physical check up, why not a yearly mental check up? I think it's a start.
As far as the gun issue, I don't have any solutions or ideas or theories. But I think we can all agree that this shooting was a tragedy and something needs to change to prevent these kinds of things from happening at supposed safe schools.
What are your thoughts?
12/23/12
11/17/12
Neurotypical is just not my typical.
A friend of mine recently got rid of her son's kiddie items that he'd outgrown and was feeling a little sad and nostalgic about it. Her four year old son then told her that she could call him "sunshine" and "baby boy", even if he was all grown up and in college, then gave her a big hug.
When I heard that, I thought, wow, that kid is super sweet! Why doesn't my four year old say that? Then I remembered that LB has Aspergers, and will probably never be able to say something like that ever.
It really put things into light how different my son is. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to have a neurotypical kid, and what it's like to connect with your own flesh and blood. It makes me sad, selfishly, to think that he'll never be able to empathize with our feelings, or to understand other people's emotions. And it makes me sad for him that he'll never experience that. Of course, he'll never know the difference, so hopefully it will be easier to not know what he's missing out on.
But for me, it's just torture. He'll hug me, but it's guarded. He pulls away. He never relaxes in my arms. He'll kiss me, then wipe it away because he hates the sensation. I'm trying desperately to forget "actions speak louder than words"- I know he loves me (I think), but is unable to show it. I've seen him make strides in OT and preschool, but it's still so structured and rote. There's nothing really spontaneous and organic about his affection, and I don't think there ever will be.
I'm sorry this has been a Debbie Downer blog for the past several posts. I know I need to start seeing the silver lining to things, but I'm in a serious funk and just can't get my head out of it.
When I heard that, I thought, wow, that kid is super sweet! Why doesn't my four year old say that? Then I remembered that LB has Aspergers, and will probably never be able to say something like that ever.
It really put things into light how different my son is. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to have a neurotypical kid, and what it's like to connect with your own flesh and blood. It makes me sad, selfishly, to think that he'll never be able to empathize with our feelings, or to understand other people's emotions. And it makes me sad for him that he'll never experience that. Of course, he'll never know the difference, so hopefully it will be easier to not know what he's missing out on.
But for me, it's just torture. He'll hug me, but it's guarded. He pulls away. He never relaxes in my arms. He'll kiss me, then wipe it away because he hates the sensation. I'm trying desperately to forget "actions speak louder than words"- I know he loves me (I think), but is unable to show it. I've seen him make strides in OT and preschool, but it's still so structured and rote. There's nothing really spontaneous and organic about his affection, and I don't think there ever will be.
I'm sorry this has been a Debbie Downer blog for the past several posts. I know I need to start seeing the silver lining to things, but I'm in a serious funk and just can't get my head out of it.
11/9/12
Am I in middle school again??
I recently got into a huge argument with my sister. No- it was more like a screaming match. Why? Because of stupid facebook. Seriously. I thought I was in the clear with facebook drama by removing friends that were going off the deep end, and I really, honestly NEVER expected her, of all people, to say what she said.
Just a little background... she (we'll call her T) has been dating this guy for over a year now. He comes to family functions and weddings and has slept over at our house. They recently went on a big around-the-world trip. They say "I love you" to each other.
I was friends with both of them on facebook. When someone accepts your friend request, I always thought it meant that you were, like, friends and all. So I commented here and there. A "it was great to see you again!" and a "I miss you guys!", nothing too in-depth, although I PMed him once, to ask his opinion on a gift I bought for T's birthday.
Just a few days ago, I received a message from T. She said that my comments to her boyfriend were "forward and suggestive". She said that because of their slow progress toward having a relationship, she was feeling uncomfortable with it.
I initially said "WHAT??!!", but thought that a phone call would clear things up. That phone call actually turned into the most ridiculous fight I've had as an adult. I knew she was dealing with some serious trust issues, but I had no idea that she would actually fabricate intentions that weren't there. She had said in her message that she wasn't saying I was doing anything intentional, but if that were true, she wouldn't take those comments as something they weren't. She told me she was having issues trusting her boyfriend around other girls and that I don't know him well enough to be saying anything to him. She also said that my comments should have included her, by tagging her or mentioning her name. I said I would de-friend her boyfriend because there's nothing else I can do to appease her, and she said that was fine, if that's what I wanted to do.
That's when I kinda blew up. No, I didn't want to delete someone, just because someone else feels upset. It was so middle school- "you have to be friends with ME, not THEM!" And the part that drove me up a wall is that she honestly thinks I'm trying to hit on her boyfriend. I asked for proof, to provide me with exactly what was said that would be offensive, and she couldn't. I told her that she has some serious issues, that this is HER problem, not mine, and that she needs to work it out on her own.... then I hung up on her. I know, that was childish, but I was boiling mad.
I just don't understand the whole thing. This is a guy that she's been dating for over a year, and she doesn't want her sister to get to know him at all? It also doesn't make any sense, because not once have I "stolen" a boyfriend from her. To be honest, I'm not as pretty as her, so it would have been impossible, even if I wanted to. I don't think I was being forward and suggestive- I didn't say anything to him that I wouldn't have said to my brother's girlfriend, or my best friend's ex-husband, or anyone for that matter.
So I deleted and blocked both of them. I'm currently not speaking to her- I feel she owes me an apology for her slander. She says that he also feels I was being suggestive, but I can't imagine why someone would take offense to me caring about them. And if that IS true, and he thinks that my comments were out of line, then the two crazies deserve each other.
Just a little background... she (we'll call her T) has been dating this guy for over a year now. He comes to family functions and weddings and has slept over at our house. They recently went on a big around-the-world trip. They say "I love you" to each other.
I was friends with both of them on facebook. When someone accepts your friend request, I always thought it meant that you were, like, friends and all. So I commented here and there. A "it was great to see you again!" and a "I miss you guys!", nothing too in-depth, although I PMed him once, to ask his opinion on a gift I bought for T's birthday.
Just a few days ago, I received a message from T. She said that my comments to her boyfriend were "forward and suggestive". She said that because of their slow progress toward having a relationship, she was feeling uncomfortable with it.
I initially said "WHAT??!!", but thought that a phone call would clear things up. That phone call actually turned into the most ridiculous fight I've had as an adult. I knew she was dealing with some serious trust issues, but I had no idea that she would actually fabricate intentions that weren't there. She had said in her message that she wasn't saying I was doing anything intentional, but if that were true, she wouldn't take those comments as something they weren't. She told me she was having issues trusting her boyfriend around other girls and that I don't know him well enough to be saying anything to him. She also said that my comments should have included her, by tagging her or mentioning her name. I said I would de-friend her boyfriend because there's nothing else I can do to appease her, and she said that was fine, if that's what I wanted to do.
That's when I kinda blew up. No, I didn't want to delete someone, just because someone else feels upset. It was so middle school- "you have to be friends with ME, not THEM!" And the part that drove me up a wall is that she honestly thinks I'm trying to hit on her boyfriend. I asked for proof, to provide me with exactly what was said that would be offensive, and she couldn't. I told her that she has some serious issues, that this is HER problem, not mine, and that she needs to work it out on her own.... then I hung up on her. I know, that was childish, but I was boiling mad.
I just don't understand the whole thing. This is a guy that she's been dating for over a year, and she doesn't want her sister to get to know him at all? It also doesn't make any sense, because not once have I "stolen" a boyfriend from her. To be honest, I'm not as pretty as her, so it would have been impossible, even if I wanted to. I don't think I was being forward and suggestive- I didn't say anything to him that I wouldn't have said to my brother's girlfriend, or my best friend's ex-husband, or anyone for that matter.
So I deleted and blocked both of them. I'm currently not speaking to her- I feel she owes me an apology for her slander. She says that he also feels I was being suggestive, but I can't imagine why someone would take offense to me caring about them. And if that IS true, and he thinks that my comments were out of line, then the two crazies deserve each other.
10/17/12
A semi-honest update
Well, it's been awhile since I've been on here. There have been a lot of things going on, but nothing I wasn't mum about. However, I'm running out of stupid things to say to fill the space of what I don't say, so here goes.
First, I'd like to come clean about my mental health. I'm battling depression. I've been up and down on the depression roller coaster, and lately it's been down. So much so that I am currently on Zoloft. No, I'm not suicidal. In fact, that's the main reason I put off seeking treatment for so long. I just assumed I was a mega-irritable bitch. But, it turns out that depression can be displayed as anger, and you know what? I feel a million times better on Zoloft. It makes me think that I probably should have been on it for the past two decades! I've been going to weekly therapy sessions, and in those sessions, I've come to my next semi-honest confession.
Things are not great here in mi casa. There are some issues with the husband that I am trying to deal with, but getting a lot of push-back as to whether anything is actually wrong. I'm coming to terms with the fact that he is controlling and narcissistic, and thinking about whether I want to ride on the highs and lows of his ego cycle for the rest of my life. It's been tough trying to express my feelings when they are invalidated. And it's tough trying to work on a problem that I perceive when he doesn't.
Things with the kids are okay. JC is now three and acting completely irrational. LB has been making strides in OT and at school, though there are still some problematic behaviors. I've put potty training on the waaaaay back burner- seriously, there's enough to worry about than to throw in forcing the toilet on a kid who's perfectly content to pee and poop in his pants.
Next semi-honest confession, this stupid truck is breaking our bank. Really. Just paying the bills, and after putting aside money for diesel and groceries, it leaves not a lot at all. The $1K truck payment is just too much, but I'm the only one that thinks so.
Another confession, I'm starting to hate the gym. I don't feel good finishing up a workout- I feel resentful. After a particularly nasty argument, the husband imposed a three month plan on me, which involves five days a week of working out (and he means working out HARD), two hours a day of alone time, and limiting the internet to 1 hour a day. I laughed about the alone time (with kids? Psh!) and the limitations on internet usage, but the gym thing bothered me. He feels he can "cure" my depression with the gym, and my body in general has been a hot button issue for us. Twenty pounds ago, just after we were married, he said that he wasn't attracted to my any more because I had gained five pounds. Now, he keeps pushing the gym more and more, and the more he pushes, the more I hate it and don't want to go.
So there you have it, and now you know why I've been quiet for the past few months!
First, I'd like to come clean about my mental health. I'm battling depression. I've been up and down on the depression roller coaster, and lately it's been down. So much so that I am currently on Zoloft. No, I'm not suicidal. In fact, that's the main reason I put off seeking treatment for so long. I just assumed I was a mega-irritable bitch. But, it turns out that depression can be displayed as anger, and you know what? I feel a million times better on Zoloft. It makes me think that I probably should have been on it for the past two decades! I've been going to weekly therapy sessions, and in those sessions, I've come to my next semi-honest confession.
Things are not great here in mi casa. There are some issues with the husband that I am trying to deal with, but getting a lot of push-back as to whether anything is actually wrong. I'm coming to terms with the fact that he is controlling and narcissistic, and thinking about whether I want to ride on the highs and lows of his ego cycle for the rest of my life. It's been tough trying to express my feelings when they are invalidated. And it's tough trying to work on a problem that I perceive when he doesn't.
Things with the kids are okay. JC is now three and acting completely irrational. LB has been making strides in OT and at school, though there are still some problematic behaviors. I've put potty training on the waaaaay back burner- seriously, there's enough to worry about than to throw in forcing the toilet on a kid who's perfectly content to pee and poop in his pants.
Next semi-honest confession, this stupid truck is breaking our bank. Really. Just paying the bills, and after putting aside money for diesel and groceries, it leaves not a lot at all. The $1K truck payment is just too much, but I'm the only one that thinks so.
Another confession, I'm starting to hate the gym. I don't feel good finishing up a workout- I feel resentful. After a particularly nasty argument, the husband imposed a three month plan on me, which involves five days a week of working out (and he means working out HARD), two hours a day of alone time, and limiting the internet to 1 hour a day. I laughed about the alone time (with kids? Psh!) and the limitations on internet usage, but the gym thing bothered me. He feels he can "cure" my depression with the gym, and my body in general has been a hot button issue for us. Twenty pounds ago, just after we were married, he said that he wasn't attracted to my any more because I had gained five pounds. Now, he keeps pushing the gym more and more, and the more he pushes, the more I hate it and don't want to go.
So there you have it, and now you know why I've been quiet for the past few months!
10/16/12
Real stupid stuff
Have you ever done something pretty dumb? Like, really, really stupid? Like the time I swiped Cascade off the kitchen counter thinking I had dripped blue cookie icing? I have another....
My Clinique make up remover cream is in a small, light green bottle. My Fekkai hair glossing cream is also in a small, light green bottle. They are both even the same shape. And, since I am glasses-free when taking off my eye make up, guess what I did. Really, guess. I'll give you some time....
Did you guess that I'd rub hair glossing cream all over my eyes? Yes? Then you'd be absolutely right. Oh, and btw, rubbing hair stuff purposefully into your eyes really effing stings.
My Clinique make up remover cream is in a small, light green bottle. My Fekkai hair glossing cream is also in a small, light green bottle. They are both even the same shape. And, since I am glasses-free when taking off my eye make up, guess what I did. Really, guess. I'll give you some time....
Did you guess that I'd rub hair glossing cream all over my eyes? Yes? Then you'd be absolutely right. Oh, and btw, rubbing hair stuff purposefully into your eyes really effing stings.
10/15/12
I am all shades of awesome
I designed the pattern and hand stitched this in two days for LB's Halloween costume. Didn't think it would look anything like an eagle, but I surprised myself!
9/20/12
Hi
I've been a bad blogger. Bad, bad, bad. But I've been busy.
Things are going. Hubby is getting better, LB is doing okay in school (NOT great, but okay), and JC is giving me crap about potty training. It's the same old, same old. So instead of rehashing my life, I'd like to talk about other things I'm looking forward to.
1. Oktoberfest! SOSA is putting on an Oktoberfest soon, and I can't wait! I'm involved with setting up and take down, plus baked beans and pouring beer. I'm so excited. :)
2. My cousin's wedding! I can't wait to see my fam again, and I'm so happy that my cousin is finally happy.
3. The return of Mad Men. When is that? Whenever it is, I will be glued to my tv screen. And, while we're talking about tv, the return of Saturday Night Live.
4. Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Sorry Dunks, I need my autumnal coffee fix, and since there are no Dunks here, I have gone over to the dark side and become a Starbucks frequenter.
5. Leaf peeping. I love autumn. LOVE it!
What are you psyched about??
Things are going. Hubby is getting better, LB is doing okay in school (NOT great, but okay), and JC is giving me crap about potty training. It's the same old, same old. So instead of rehashing my life, I'd like to talk about other things I'm looking forward to.
1. Oktoberfest! SOSA is putting on an Oktoberfest soon, and I can't wait! I'm involved with setting up and take down, plus baked beans and pouring beer. I'm so excited. :)
2. My cousin's wedding! I can't wait to see my fam again, and I'm so happy that my cousin is finally happy.
3. The return of Mad Men. When is that? Whenever it is, I will be glued to my tv screen. And, while we're talking about tv, the return of Saturday Night Live.
4. Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Sorry Dunks, I need my autumnal coffee fix, and since there are no Dunks here, I have gone over to the dark side and become a Starbucks frequenter.
5. Leaf peeping. I love autumn. LOVE it!
What are you psyched about??
9/12/12
Today's the day
Hubby had his microdiscectomy today. Wahoo!
He's staying over at the hospital, so I have a rare night alone (without a deployment) in the house. I just may shower. And paint my nails. Anyway, tomorrow he'll be home and he can rest up, then start thinking about recovery.
I'm just super glad this is almost over with. At least, the progress that we had no control over. Finally, someone is giving him the tools to move forward in recovery... it sucks that those "tools" were back surgery, but at least he can stop thinking about what he can't do on a daily basis and think more about what he can do.
The kiddos were great. Really. For a four year old and almost-three year old, they were angels. I was super thankful, so I got them Happy Meals for dinner, and they're staying up an extra half hour to watch Pocoyo. That show.... they just love it. It makes them roll with laughter. So cute.
Anyway, so that's what's up! And I apologize if I'm just lurking for a few days...er, probably weeks. It's just going to be really busy for me around here!
He's staying over at the hospital, so I have a rare night alone (without a deployment) in the house. I just may shower. And paint my nails. Anyway, tomorrow he'll be home and he can rest up, then start thinking about recovery.
I'm just super glad this is almost over with. At least, the progress that we had no control over. Finally, someone is giving him the tools to move forward in recovery... it sucks that those "tools" were back surgery, but at least he can stop thinking about what he can't do on a daily basis and think more about what he can do.
The kiddos were great. Really. For a four year old and almost-three year old, they were angels. I was super thankful, so I got them Happy Meals for dinner, and they're staying up an extra half hour to watch Pocoyo. That show.... they just love it. It makes them roll with laughter. So cute.
Anyway, so that's what's up! And I apologize if I'm just lurking for a few days...er, probably weeks. It's just going to be really busy for me around here!
9/7/12
Milspouse Friday Fill-In #74
1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?Nothing. August was pretty good... even the bad stuff was good.
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in August? Discovering our favorite lake here in the PNW. There's nothing like swimming in a clean, crystal-clear lake.
3. What did you do to celebrate Labor Day?Absolutely nothing, not even grilling!
4. What do you HAVE to have handy by your bedside?
My glasses. Even when it's dark and I can't really see anything, I need to wear them. I know, it's weird. But putting them on is the very first thing I do in the morning.
5. What are you looking forward to in September?
More moments like this...
Head on over to Wife of a Sailor to link up! And happy Friday, everyone!
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in August? Discovering our favorite lake here in the PNW. There's nothing like swimming in a clean, crystal-clear lake.
3. What did you do to celebrate Labor Day?Absolutely nothing, not even grilling!
4. What do you HAVE to have handy by your bedside?
My glasses. Even when it's dark and I can't really see anything, I need to wear them. I know, it's weird. But putting them on is the very first thing I do in the morning.
5. What are you looking forward to in September?
More moments like this...
9/3/12
Happy September!
Today felt like fall. It was just a little chilly in the shade, and some leaves are already turning and falling. I love this time of year. Love, love, love. I also have a bunch of things to look forward to, like...
1. JC's third birthday! Wow, three already...
2. Hubby's back surgery. He was cleared to get a microdiscectomy, then 6 months of limited duty, so that will be good for him.
3. Fall yummies, in no particular order: Shipyard Pumpkinhead, apple crisp, butternut squash, cinnamon or pumpkin coffee, slow cooker dinners, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving gluttony, etc.
4. Apple picking, hay rides, pumpkin carving, scary stories....
5. The clothes. How excited am I that cobalt is in fashion again?? Can't wait to get some trendy blue stuff! And I just simply love sweaters and boots and hats.
6. Back to school! LB goes back to preschool next week. He'll be attending four afternoons a week. He's really excited and I'm psyched for him!
7. FOOTBALL.
1. JC's third birthday! Wow, three already...
2. Hubby's back surgery. He was cleared to get a microdiscectomy, then 6 months of limited duty, so that will be good for him.
3. Fall yummies, in no particular order: Shipyard Pumpkinhead, apple crisp, butternut squash, cinnamon or pumpkin coffee, slow cooker dinners, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving gluttony, etc.
4. Apple picking, hay rides, pumpkin carving, scary stories....
5. The clothes. How excited am I that cobalt is in fashion again?? Can't wait to get some trendy blue stuff! And I just simply love sweaters and boots and hats.
6. Back to school! LB goes back to preschool next week. He'll be attending four afternoons a week. He's really excited and I'm psyched for him!
7. FOOTBALL.
8/23/12
Whoops
Wow, it's been about two weeks since I last posted?? Sheesh... Since I am so fond of lists, here's a list of things that happened these past two weeks that kept me from posting:
1. LB rode a bike, without training wheels!! I was so proud. I ran alongside him, to catch him when he inevitably tipped over. He LOVED it- that kid is so friggin' cute when he's happy and proud of himself!
2. Hubby is still in daily physical therapy. Apparently, after his session today, they are thinking about the possibility of back surgery. I don't like the fact that he might have surgery, but whatever makes him better is good, right? And who knows what's going on with his career- a lat transfer might be in the cards, but we'll see what the neurologist says.
3. Busy as a bee with SOSA. Socials, Oktoberfest, and auctions, oh my!
4. Seeing some friends. I babysat for friends of ours while the wife had surgery (yikes... what's with all the surgery talk? I guess I'm just at that age where everyone I know is falling apart?). I went out to dinner with a good friend of mine and met a new friend. And, we've spent some good times with our neighbors on a lake, swimming and swinging on an abandoned rope swing. All fun times.
5. I've been playing the piano again. I finally realized that I can plug my earbuds into the keyboard and play without bothering sleeping children or other people. It's great- I've missed it terribly. And I'm really out of shape! But it's definitely therapeutic to let my muscle memory take over and hear the melodies flow from my fingers. It's a beautiful sense of accomplishment.
6. Potty training JC. Oh man.... nothing like LB. LB was content to sit in his own pee and poop. JC freaks out when he pees his pants. I guess that's kind of a good thing, but it seems like he screamed all day about wet pants. Well, I guess he'll learn much sooner than LB, at least.
7. Another fucking UTI. I'm so sick of this crap- I have a new PCM, and once she starts her schedule at the clinic, I'm making an appointment. I've been scaring the crap outta myself on Google... apparently, it could be totally benign, or it could be bladder cancer or chronic kidney disease. I need to get off this computer...
8. Something in particular has made me feel great and changed my life. I don't yet feel comfortable talking about it, but I do want to share that I am in a much better place than I was just a few months ago. It's amazing what simply speaking up for yourself can do, and I feel like a better wife, mom, and person.
When I realized that it had been weeks since I last posted, I thought, "Well, what's my problem? Not much has been going on!" But after making this list, there are certainly some big things that have been going on!
1. LB rode a bike, without training wheels!! I was so proud. I ran alongside him, to catch him when he inevitably tipped over. He LOVED it- that kid is so friggin' cute when he's happy and proud of himself!
2. Hubby is still in daily physical therapy. Apparently, after his session today, they are thinking about the possibility of back surgery. I don't like the fact that he might have surgery, but whatever makes him better is good, right? And who knows what's going on with his career- a lat transfer might be in the cards, but we'll see what the neurologist says.
3. Busy as a bee with SOSA. Socials, Oktoberfest, and auctions, oh my!
4. Seeing some friends. I babysat for friends of ours while the wife had surgery (yikes... what's with all the surgery talk? I guess I'm just at that age where everyone I know is falling apart?). I went out to dinner with a good friend of mine and met a new friend. And, we've spent some good times with our neighbors on a lake, swimming and swinging on an abandoned rope swing. All fun times.
5. I've been playing the piano again. I finally realized that I can plug my earbuds into the keyboard and play without bothering sleeping children or other people. It's great- I've missed it terribly. And I'm really out of shape! But it's definitely therapeutic to let my muscle memory take over and hear the melodies flow from my fingers. It's a beautiful sense of accomplishment.
6. Potty training JC. Oh man.... nothing like LB. LB was content to sit in his own pee and poop. JC freaks out when he pees his pants. I guess that's kind of a good thing, but it seems like he screamed all day about wet pants. Well, I guess he'll learn much sooner than LB, at least.
7. Another fucking UTI. I'm so sick of this crap- I have a new PCM, and once she starts her schedule at the clinic, I'm making an appointment. I've been scaring the crap outta myself on Google... apparently, it could be totally benign, or it could be bladder cancer or chronic kidney disease. I need to get off this computer...
8. Something in particular has made me feel great and changed my life. I don't yet feel comfortable talking about it, but I do want to share that I am in a much better place than I was just a few months ago. It's amazing what simply speaking up for yourself can do, and I feel like a better wife, mom, and person.
When I realized that it had been weeks since I last posted, I thought, "Well, what's my problem? Not much has been going on!" But after making this list, there are certainly some big things that have been going on!
8/10/12
Boys vs Girls
I spent yesterday afternoon with my friend's two little girls. They are the same age as LB & JC, but that's just about where the similarities stop. And maybe I'm just comparing my boys to someone else's girls (let's face it- kids are always worse around their parents), but I definitely noticed some big differences.
1. The Noise Factor. Little boys make a lot of noise. All. Day. Long. Little girls make noise, but it's gentler, less harsh. There's more quiet sulking than angry screaming. There's quiet tea time & jewelry time & dress up time. There are no trucks smashing into each other, superheroes defeating every single imaginary bad guy, and no wrestling to the point of either of them crying. And most of all, girls typically don't make sound effects for everything.
2. Their Interests. Little girls (and I'm speaking in very broad, general terms here) love dolls and dressing up and princesses. Little boys (also, very general) love trucks and robots and action figures. I can do the little boy stuff, but it was nice to have some time to wear plastic necklaces and twirl in a tulle skirt, too.
3. Their General Energy Level. I know some girls are bouncing off the walls, but my boys run all day long, circling the kitchen, around and around and around... when they're not running, they are hitting something. When they are not running or hitting, they are jumping. And when they are not running or hitting or jumping, they are pretending to punch and kick. They MOVE, all day.
Then, there are personal differences. The older girl had way better communication skills than LB, naturally. It really gave me a feel for what neurotypical kids his age are like. I remember teaching kids this age, but being able to remind myself of a 4 year old's typical progress gives me an idea of where LB stands and what he needs to work on.
Overall, the afternoon was easy-peasy. Of course, I'm sure the girls give their parents hell! Don't all kids? But it was a nice change from my very loud, very boyish household. And I'm sure when the kids are teenagers, the tables will have turned, ha!
1. The Noise Factor. Little boys make a lot of noise. All. Day. Long. Little girls make noise, but it's gentler, less harsh. There's more quiet sulking than angry screaming. There's quiet tea time & jewelry time & dress up time. There are no trucks smashing into each other, superheroes defeating every single imaginary bad guy, and no wrestling to the point of either of them crying. And most of all, girls typically don't make sound effects for everything.
2. Their Interests. Little girls (and I'm speaking in very broad, general terms here) love dolls and dressing up and princesses. Little boys (also, very general) love trucks and robots and action figures. I can do the little boy stuff, but it was nice to have some time to wear plastic necklaces and twirl in a tulle skirt, too.
3. Their General Energy Level. I know some girls are bouncing off the walls, but my boys run all day long, circling the kitchen, around and around and around... when they're not running, they are hitting something. When they are not running or hitting, they are jumping. And when they are not running or hitting or jumping, they are pretending to punch and kick. They MOVE, all day.
Then, there are personal differences. The older girl had way better communication skills than LB, naturally. It really gave me a feel for what neurotypical kids his age are like. I remember teaching kids this age, but being able to remind myself of a 4 year old's typical progress gives me an idea of where LB stands and what he needs to work on.
Overall, the afternoon was easy-peasy. Of course, I'm sure the girls give their parents hell! Don't all kids? But it was a nice change from my very loud, very boyish household. And I'm sure when the kids are teenagers, the tables will have turned, ha!
8/2/12
Another Navy doc failure
Well, Hubby has a herniated disc. And it's not bulging posterior or anterior, but off to the right. Odd.
What kills me is that he was sent to sea like this!! The doc he was seeing had three months to determine what was wrong and never ordered an MRI. Instead, Hubby was told that it would heal on its own and just needed time. Then, he was told he was fit for sea duty and sent on deployment.
Wow.
Very disappointed. But at least we're working with some docs who have their heads on straight.
In the mean time, Hubby is getting seriously anxious about not being able to work out. And we'll be selling the golf clubs, dirtbike, kayak, and anything else he won't be able to do again.
Ugh. I'm just glad we finally know what's going on!
What kills me is that he was sent to sea like this!! The doc he was seeing had three months to determine what was wrong and never ordered an MRI. Instead, Hubby was told that it would heal on its own and just needed time. Then, he was told he was fit for sea duty and sent on deployment.
Wow.
Very disappointed. But at least we're working with some docs who have their heads on straight.
In the mean time, Hubby is getting seriously anxious about not being able to work out. And we'll be selling the golf clubs, dirtbike, kayak, and anything else he won't be able to do again.
Ugh. I'm just glad we finally know what's going on!
7/26/12
My new role as Florence Nightingale
Yesterday morning, Hubby took his motorcycle to the gym to get an early, light work out. As he stood up from a crouched position, his back seized up. He hobbled to medical, where they shot him with morphine and gave him some pain pills. When I came to pick him up from medical, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I've never seen him in that much pain... I've never seen anyone in that much pain. He managed to walk, hunched over, to the truck, and I brought him home. He promptly laid on the floor and stayed there all day.
Around dinner, he decided the pain pills he was prescribed were not strong enough because he could no longer move anything. He tried rolling over on his side, and even just moving his legs, and couldn't. We decided that the only way he was moving was on a stretcher, which meant he needed to go to the ER. It was a spectacle when an ambulance and fire truck showed up! Fortunately, our boys were already asleep, but the neighborhood kids were all about it. They loaded him into the ambulance and took him to the naval hospital.
He came home very late that night and has been in bed since. He can barely make it to the bathroom. I've been giving him food, water, and his pills, but there's nothing else I can do for him. Our future in subs is a big question mark. His MRI is scheduled for several weeks from now, but what is he supposed to do in the meantime? It's been five months now that he has had back pain, with each visit to the ER being worse and worse.
Anyway, so that's what's up with us. He's in bed 24/7 and I'm his candy striper.
Around dinner, he decided the pain pills he was prescribed were not strong enough because he could no longer move anything. He tried rolling over on his side, and even just moving his legs, and couldn't. We decided that the only way he was moving was on a stretcher, which meant he needed to go to the ER. It was a spectacle when an ambulance and fire truck showed up! Fortunately, our boys were already asleep, but the neighborhood kids were all about it. They loaded him into the ambulance and took him to the naval hospital.
He came home very late that night and has been in bed since. He can barely make it to the bathroom. I've been giving him food, water, and his pills, but there's nothing else I can do for him. Our future in subs is a big question mark. His MRI is scheduled for several weeks from now, but what is he supposed to do in the meantime? It's been five months now that he has had back pain, with each visit to the ER being worse and worse.
Anyway, so that's what's up with us. He's in bed 24/7 and I'm his candy striper.
7/24/12
PIWTPITT
THIS lady.
Apparently, she bought into some gimmicky diet pill that Kirstie Alley was hawking, then sued her because she claims the pills didn't work, and that Kirstie Alley actually lost those 100 lbs by diet and exercise.
Um....
So, let me get this straight... this lady buys the diet pills, knowing that no other diet pill ever has lived up to its claim to lose weight without proper diet and exercise. She also was gullible enough to believe the advertisement that these pills, and these pills alone, would help her lose weight, when (if you look at the Organic Liaison website) the company's program also includes 1 hour of exercise per day. I understand that there was some false advertising- I'm sure the commercials left out that "1 hour of exercise per day" thing. But can you blame a company for trying their best to make money? Aren't all companies hiding something to make sure they turn the most profit possible?
Instead of researching what is in these pills (which are mostly vitamins, minerals, and fiber), she blindly took the advice of a paid celebrity, who is also just trying to make money, and she's now blaming Kirstie Alley because she couldn't do a little research and make an informed decision about a product she is putting into her body??
Wow...
And, um, no offense to Ms. Alley, but is she really the best person to take diet advice from? Really???
Apparently, she bought into some gimmicky diet pill that Kirstie Alley was hawking, then sued her because she claims the pills didn't work, and that Kirstie Alley actually lost those 100 lbs by diet and exercise.
Um....
So, let me get this straight... this lady buys the diet pills, knowing that no other diet pill ever has lived up to its claim to lose weight without proper diet and exercise. She also was gullible enough to believe the advertisement that these pills, and these pills alone, would help her lose weight, when (if you look at the Organic Liaison website) the company's program also includes 1 hour of exercise per day. I understand that there was some false advertising- I'm sure the commercials left out that "1 hour of exercise per day" thing. But can you blame a company for trying their best to make money? Aren't all companies hiding something to make sure they turn the most profit possible?
Instead of researching what is in these pills (which are mostly vitamins, minerals, and fiber), she blindly took the advice of a paid celebrity, who is also just trying to make money, and she's now blaming Kirstie Alley because she couldn't do a little research and make an informed decision about a product she is putting into her body??
Wow...
And, um, no offense to Ms. Alley, but is she really the best person to take diet advice from? Really???
7/21/12
7/18/12
Yes? No? Maybe?
The local symphony is holding auditions for flutists. I've been toying with the idea of going... after all, the worst they can do is kick me out and tell me I suck (which I seriously doubt any respectful person would do). But it's been a long time since I really played. Most of my practicing goes like this:
*Toot toot toot*...
"LB, stop putting your fingers in the printer."
*Toot toot toot toot*...
"JC, really, stop screaming, for the love of God, stop screaming."
*Tooooooot tooooooot toooot*....
"Boys, get out of here and let me PRACTICE!!!"
So the serious playing hasn't happened. I'm rusty on my scales. I'm downright abysmal on my arpeggios. And the level that I attained for my senior recital in college seems completely out of reach. Bach sonatas are riddled with cuss words and self-deprecating words ("Hey stupid, it says F sharp!"). Berbiguier is punctuated with squeaks and wrong octaves.
But at the same time, it's just an audition. If anything, it'll be nice to go in there, by myself (aka, NO KIDS) and see where I'm at. And maybe there will be other auditions, if I suck at this one.
I want to do it. I really do. I just don't know if I can be ready in a month.
*Toot toot toot*...
"LB, stop putting your fingers in the printer."
*Toot toot toot toot*...
"JC, really, stop screaming, for the love of God, stop screaming."
*Tooooooot tooooooot toooot*....
"Boys, get out of here and let me PRACTICE!!!"
So the serious playing hasn't happened. I'm rusty on my scales. I'm downright abysmal on my arpeggios. And the level that I attained for my senior recital in college seems completely out of reach. Bach sonatas are riddled with cuss words and self-deprecating words ("Hey stupid, it says F sharp!"). Berbiguier is punctuated with squeaks and wrong octaves.
But at the same time, it's just an audition. If anything, it'll be nice to go in there, by myself (aka, NO KIDS) and see where I'm at. And maybe there will be other auditions, if I suck at this one.
I want to do it. I really do. I just don't know if I can be ready in a month.
7/15/12
Ten things I betcha didn't know about me...
1. I have a freakish talent for reading captcha phrases really fast.
2. I can roll my tongue.
3. I used to be able to put my legs behind my head when I was in high school... and no, that did not earn me any dates!
4. I bitch about my hair, but secretly love that it hasn't gone gray yet. And yes, those highlights are natural.
5. I bought my first ipod today. It's an 8GB Nano and it's pink. I figure that way no one in my house will borrow it, haha.
6. I'm in Mensa.
7. I majored in music education. Okay, maybe you did know that about me, but I was also accepted to Northeastern University for math.
8. I am disgusted by belly buttons.
9. I'm from an italian family and lived in New Jersey for 12 years. Yes, I've been to the Jersey Shore, though not in the same way that other famous italians have.
10. I was once accidentally kicked in the head by a then-boyfriend and knocked temporarily unconscious. We were lip syncing the Spice Girls "Wannabe" with my bestie. It's all on film and one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
2. I can roll my tongue.
3. I used to be able to put my legs behind my head when I was in high school... and no, that did not earn me any dates!
4. I bitch about my hair, but secretly love that it hasn't gone gray yet. And yes, those highlights are natural.
5. I bought my first ipod today. It's an 8GB Nano and it's pink. I figure that way no one in my house will borrow it, haha.
6. I'm in Mensa.
7. I majored in music education. Okay, maybe you did know that about me, but I was also accepted to Northeastern University for math.
8. I am disgusted by belly buttons.
9. I'm from an italian family and lived in New Jersey for 12 years. Yes, I've been to the Jersey Shore, though not in the same way that other famous italians have.
10. I was once accidentally kicked in the head by a then-boyfriend and knocked temporarily unconscious. We were lip syncing the Spice Girls "Wannabe" with my bestie. It's all on film and one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
7/12/12
Another reason why my dad is one of my heros
Good men are hard to find. Great men are even harder. Maybe I'm biased, but my dad is one of those great men for many reasons, but I'll share just one for now.
For the second year, he donated his time on his boat to help with the Squam Lake Adaptive Program. It's a weekly program of waterskiing geared toward people with all types of disabilities. My dad has terrible knees & a terrible back, plus he can't swim at all, yet he puts all that aside to help other people experience what he has been lucky enough to. I hope he doesn't mind, but here's his two cents...
For the second year, he donated his time on his boat to help with the Squam Lake Adaptive Program. It's a weekly program of waterskiing geared toward people with all types of disabilities. My dad has terrible knees & a terrible back, plus he can't swim at all, yet he puts all that aside to help other people experience what he has been lucky enough to. I hope he doesn't mind, but here's his two cents...
"Last year and yesterday, I’ve seen many challenged individuals have smiles, including
wounded warriors, those missing legs or arms, deformations, paraplegics, blind, mentally retarded,
etc., when pushing their limits, experiencing what life has to offer others."
And just to show you what I'm talking about, here's a video about the program...
My dad is just an amazing person, and I'm so lucky to be his daughter.
No more guilt
With Hubby gone, I feel like I need to fill up our days with lots of cool, interesting things for my boys to do. The zoo, the beach, McD's, playdates, soccer, gymnastics, etc. Every day that passed without something outrageously special felt like a failure.
But I asked myself this morning, why do I feel that way? My boys are perfectly happy watching Mickey Mouse. And even though they love Happy Meals a little too much, they're perfectly happy with a homemade PB&J or grilled cheese sandwich. I've been putting so much pressure on myself to make sure the kids are happy that I didn't realize that they already are.
So today, at 11:30am, we are all still in pjs. I paid the bills, cleaned the kitchen, and did some laundry- boring, mundane, totally-not-special things. And we are surviving. In fact, it's relieving to not be rushing out the door for once. Besides soccer tonight, I think the name of the game today is going to be "The Hell With It, Nothing Can Be Fun, Too!"
But I asked myself this morning, why do I feel that way? My boys are perfectly happy watching Mickey Mouse. And even though they love Happy Meals a little too much, they're perfectly happy with a homemade PB&J or grilled cheese sandwich. I've been putting so much pressure on myself to make sure the kids are happy that I didn't realize that they already are.
So today, at 11:30am, we are all still in pjs. I paid the bills, cleaned the kitchen, and did some laundry- boring, mundane, totally-not-special things. And we are surviving. In fact, it's relieving to not be rushing out the door for once. Besides soccer tonight, I think the name of the game today is going to be "The Hell With It, Nothing Can Be Fun, Too!"
7/11/12
Summer Swap!
Flip Flops & Combat Boots held a summer swap this year! She paired me up with Marine Wife, Mommy & Life. Check her out- she's really cool! She even has a classic car that she's restoring (seriously, if we didn't live so far apart, I'd be over there in a heartbeat to help... restoring a classic car? Badass).
The pic above is what she sent to me- LOVE it! I wear earrings all the time, and the music coin purse is too cute. I can't believe I'd gone so long without pink flip flops! They are so adorable! I can't wait to paint my toes with my pink nail polish and wear my flip flops... can you say "summer"? :)
Thank you, FF&CB for hosting this awesome swap and pairing me with an even-more-awesome lady! Now go check out MW, M&L's blog... she spent the 4th in DC with her fam and posted pics (her baby is adorable)!
7/8/12
Weekend observations
1. The Destruction Derby is the place to go to see a bunch of white people with really bad hair.
2. The Destruction Derby is also the place to take two little boys who love cars.
3. Little boys also love cupcakes.
4. And little boys love the beach.
5. A personal lesson I've learned... sunscreens have expiration dates for a reason. I'm now sporting wicked awesome, splotchy sunburned arms and legs. The splotchiness makes me look like I have sunburn camo. So lame. And yes, I used the same stuff on the boys, but they fared much better, only pink arms. Thank goodness for rashguard shirts and bucket hats!
2. The Destruction Derby is also the place to take two little boys who love cars.
3. Little boys also love cupcakes.
4. And little boys love the beach.
5. A personal lesson I've learned... sunscreens have expiration dates for a reason. I'm now sporting wicked awesome, splotchy sunburned arms and legs. The splotchiness makes me look like I have sunburn camo. So lame. And yes, I used the same stuff on the boys, but they fared much better, only pink arms. Thank goodness for rashguard shirts and bucket hats!
7/6/12
Milspouse Friday Fill-in #73
1. What's one thing in the past month you would have changed?
My attendance at the gym. I've put on a few pounds, ugh. I just feel like a bloated, floppy blob!
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in June?
Accomplishing some of my deployment goals. Based on this post, I've done four of my seven goals. One of them is ongoing (weeding the backyard), so I didn't count that. Looking back at my list, though, I notice that only the ones solely about me (working out more, talking with a plastic surgeon) have been put on the backburner. Hm. I guess I'm not doing too good with the whole care-more-about-myself thing.
3. What did you do to celebrate Independence Day?
Nada. The boys were passed out by 8pm, so no fireworks for us. And if we're not going to go downtown for fireworks, I didn't see the point in dragging them down there by myself. My boys are super sweet, but sometimes very tough to handle alone.
4. When you PCS, what items do you take with you and not let the movers pack (and if you do a DITY, what do you take with you and not box up)?
We learned the hard way to always, always, ALWAYS take bed screws with you. Know why? Because if you are living in a house for less than a year, and plan on keeping some things boxed up, the movers will definitely have put those screws in the precise boxes you hadn't planned on unpacking, therefore making you unpack everything you will not need at 10pm at night just to put your kids' beds together so your three and not-quite-two year olds can get the hell to bed already! ... Seriously, take the bed screws with you.
5. What are you looking forward to in July?
Warmer weather! Sunny days! Finally packing away my spring clothes and busting out the summer stuff!
My attendance at the gym. I've put on a few pounds, ugh. I just feel like a bloated, floppy blob!
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in June?
Accomplishing some of my deployment goals. Based on this post, I've done four of my seven goals. One of them is ongoing (weeding the backyard), so I didn't count that. Looking back at my list, though, I notice that only the ones solely about me (working out more, talking with a plastic surgeon) have been put on the backburner. Hm. I guess I'm not doing too good with the whole care-more-about-myself thing.
3. What did you do to celebrate Independence Day?
Nada. The boys were passed out by 8pm, so no fireworks for us. And if we're not going to go downtown for fireworks, I didn't see the point in dragging them down there by myself. My boys are super sweet, but sometimes very tough to handle alone.
4. When you PCS, what items do you take with you and not let the movers pack (and if you do a DITY, what do you take with you and not box up)?
We learned the hard way to always, always, ALWAYS take bed screws with you. Know why? Because if you are living in a house for less than a year, and plan on keeping some things boxed up, the movers will definitely have put those screws in the precise boxes you hadn't planned on unpacking, therefore making you unpack everything you will not need at 10pm at night just to put your kids' beds together so your three and not-quite-two year olds can get the hell to bed already! ... Seriously, take the bed screws with you.
5. What are you looking forward to in July?
Warmer weather! Sunny days! Finally packing away my spring clothes and busting out the summer stuff!
7/5/12
It takes a village to raise a husband
Have I ever mentioned my neighbors here? They are amazing people. The husband is a chiropractor, who did some miracle to Hubby's back before he deployed. His wife is this friendly, sweet person who frequently offers to watch the kiddos if I ever need a break. They have kids to play with the boys and teenagers to babysit them.
They are awesome.
And they have been so great helping us with Hubby's back issue. I've been hearing horrible, horrible things from Hubby about how much pain he is in, so we decided to be proactive about the situation and ask our neighbor, the chiropractor, for help. He is more than willing to help us out when Hubby gets home, and even made a call to get us a lowered price for the MRI (we will have to pay out of pocket... bummer, but way necessary).
As a practice, they are amazing because they listen to their patients and take the steps necessary to find the root of the problem. But as people, they are beyond amazing by helping us find a good deal on the MRI and taking time out of their afternoon off to talk with me (I was headed to their office, but ran into the wife outside our house and she said they were closed for the afternoon).
I just want my husband fixed. And if he can't be fixed, I want to know why. I feel like Navy medical is putting a band-aid on the issue and only treating the symptoms, not the reason... It's like taking your car to the mechanic and having him (or her... gotta be PC and all, right?) replace the light bulbs, the radio, and the starter before doing a simple multimeter test to determine the battery's dead. The Navy's course of action for Hubby is physical therapy, stretching exercises, and pain management.... I can't, for the life of me, figure out why MRI is not an option when he is clearly in a ridiculous amount of pain. As a doctor, wouldn't you want to find the root of the problem?? I mean, if you don't know exactly what's wrong, how do you know what treatment is best?
And that's why I love my neighbors. They are taking a sensible, obvious approach by finding out why Hubby's laid up when he's not on watch. I can't wait for him to get home so we can finally get to the bottom of this. And I'm so, so, so grateful for our neighbors.
They are awesome.
And they have been so great helping us with Hubby's back issue. I've been hearing horrible, horrible things from Hubby about how much pain he is in, so we decided to be proactive about the situation and ask our neighbor, the chiropractor, for help. He is more than willing to help us out when Hubby gets home, and even made a call to get us a lowered price for the MRI (we will have to pay out of pocket... bummer, but way necessary).
As a practice, they are amazing because they listen to their patients and take the steps necessary to find the root of the problem. But as people, they are beyond amazing by helping us find a good deal on the MRI and taking time out of their afternoon off to talk with me (I was headed to their office, but ran into the wife outside our house and she said they were closed for the afternoon).
I just want my husband fixed. And if he can't be fixed, I want to know why. I feel like Navy medical is putting a band-aid on the issue and only treating the symptoms, not the reason... It's like taking your car to the mechanic and having him (or her... gotta be PC and all, right?) replace the light bulbs, the radio, and the starter before doing a simple multimeter test to determine the battery's dead. The Navy's course of action for Hubby is physical therapy, stretching exercises, and pain management.... I can't, for the life of me, figure out why MRI is not an option when he is clearly in a ridiculous amount of pain. As a doctor, wouldn't you want to find the root of the problem?? I mean, if you don't know exactly what's wrong, how do you know what treatment is best?
And that's why I love my neighbors. They are taking a sensible, obvious approach by finding out why Hubby's laid up when he's not on watch. I can't wait for him to get home so we can finally get to the bottom of this. And I'm so, so, so grateful for our neighbors.
7/2/12
Happy Monday!
And what a happy Monday it is. Not because of the dreary weather we're having, but because the boys and I have had a good day.
Gymnastics this morning went really well. JC walked the balance beam a bunch of times and swung like a monkey from the bars. But LB did a basic mount on the bars (with my help), holding himself up (without my help), and also did a few arabesques and toe dips on the beam (with me spotting). He even crouched down on the beam then stood back up. Of course, he had no idea what he was doing... he just dipped his toes in imaginary ice cream, then picked up an imaginary ice cream ball from the beam to throw, then dipped his toes in the imaginary ice cream mountain behind him. Whatever floats his boat- as long as he tries those skills, I don't care what kinds of stories I have to create!
After we came home, the boys played Lego Indiana Jones on the Xbox, then had some lunch. They were off-the-charts crazy after eating, though, so I sent them both to their beds to lie down. As I type this, they are both napping.... I honestly never thought they'd nap at the same time ever again, but I guess with their early rising and all the cool stuff they did in class, they must have been pooped.
Crossing my fingers that this awesomeness continues! At least, for us. Hubby told me that his back is getting worse, and it looks like his career may be uncertain. That sucks, after doing 16 years, and not knowing what's going to happen because of a stupid back injury (that stupid Navy medical did NOTHING about besides prescribe painkillers.... wait, this was a happy post! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts!).
Anyway, just thought I'd let you all know how proud I am of my little guys! :)
Gymnastics this morning went really well. JC walked the balance beam a bunch of times and swung like a monkey from the bars. But LB did a basic mount on the bars (with my help), holding himself up (without my help), and also did a few arabesques and toe dips on the beam (with me spotting). He even crouched down on the beam then stood back up. Of course, he had no idea what he was doing... he just dipped his toes in imaginary ice cream, then picked up an imaginary ice cream ball from the beam to throw, then dipped his toes in the imaginary ice cream mountain behind him. Whatever floats his boat- as long as he tries those skills, I don't care what kinds of stories I have to create!
After we came home, the boys played Lego Indiana Jones on the Xbox, then had some lunch. They were off-the-charts crazy after eating, though, so I sent them both to their beds to lie down. As I type this, they are both napping.... I honestly never thought they'd nap at the same time ever again, but I guess with their early rising and all the cool stuff they did in class, they must have been pooped.
Crossing my fingers that this awesomeness continues! At least, for us. Hubby told me that his back is getting worse, and it looks like his career may be uncertain. That sucks, after doing 16 years, and not knowing what's going to happen because of a stupid back injury (that stupid Navy medical did NOTHING about besides prescribe painkillers.... wait, this was a happy post! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts!).
Anyway, just thought I'd let you all know how proud I am of my little guys! :)
7/1/12
Sunday Funday
You know what I'm doing today? Nothing. The glorious, wonderful act of doing absolutely nothing. Well, except typing this.
I actually had plans to go to the rodeo with the kids, but it's drizzly, and I don't want to be outside, sitting on some metal bleachers, trying to entice my kids to have fun while they're wet and cold (yes, readers, the massive heat wave has NOT made its way to PNW).
But I think we're going to pass. The boys are probably going to watch entirely too much tv. BBQ chicken is in the slow cooker for dinner. And besides doing laundry, the chores will be ignored.
I think we all need this. The boys have been busy lately, and I just need to chill out. I did a stupid thing yesterday, which dragged me into a funk and ended up polishing off all the beer and wine in the house (seriously... although there were only 2 beers and half a bottle of wine, but still, it was enough). So I will be hanging out in my sweats, pulling out old love letters, and troll facebook all afternoon, haha.
Happy Sunday, everyone! I hope you are beating the heat (if you're in the midst of this national heatwave), and enjoy the day!
I actually had plans to go to the rodeo with the kids, but it's drizzly, and I don't want to be outside, sitting on some metal bleachers, trying to entice my kids to have fun while they're wet and cold (yes, readers, the massive heat wave has NOT made its way to PNW).
But I think we're going to pass. The boys are probably going to watch entirely too much tv. BBQ chicken is in the slow cooker for dinner. And besides doing laundry, the chores will be ignored.
I think we all need this. The boys have been busy lately, and I just need to chill out. I did a stupid thing yesterday, which dragged me into a funk and ended up polishing off all the beer and wine in the house (seriously... although there were only 2 beers and half a bottle of wine, but still, it was enough). So I will be hanging out in my sweats, pulling out old love letters, and troll facebook all afternoon, haha.
Happy Sunday, everyone! I hope you are beating the heat (if you're in the midst of this national heatwave), and enjoy the day!
6/27/12
Happy day
LB's OT appointment was outside in the beautiful sun. My swim workout went well, and both boys were happy coming out of the child watch. And my neighbor watched the boys while I hauled some stuff for her hubby with our truck. When I came back, the boys were bummed about leaving their house, but came home with balloons and cupcakes. And despite the sugar rush, they were really fun tonight.
Just a good day. I needed it!
Just a good day. I needed it!
6/25/12
Seriously, do people fall for this stuff any more?
I just had to share this email I received this afternoon. It made me laugh hysterically. I wish I could actually contact these people, just to make fun of them, but I don't need any crazy person knowing anything about me.
**********************************************************
**********************************************************
Dear Customer!
We have been waiting for you to contact us for your Confirmed Package that is registered with us for shipping to your residential location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to your package. However, we cannot quote its content to you via email for privacy reasons.Note that we were not instructed to email you, but due to the high priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived United Kingdom and he hasn't fixed his phone yet. We indeed personally sealed your Bank Draft and we found your email contact in the receiver's column as the recipient of the foremost package.
We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $2,100,000.00 USD, Ups do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but Bank Drafts are Shippable. The package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague, and your colleague explained that he is from the United States but he is here in United Kingdom for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a consultant firm in United Kingdom, europe, We are sending you this email because your package is been registered on a Special Order and COD MODE is not operational.
What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Department for Immediate dispatch of your package to your residential address; you will have to pay the sum of $210USD to the Ups Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the Ups Company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Note that as soon as our Delivery Team confirm your information, it will take only one working day (24 hours) for your package to arrive it's designated destination. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid for by your colleague before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates are to certify that the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF) neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism in your country. This will help you avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country. Kindly, note that your colleague did not leave us!
with any further information.
Kindly contact the delivery department (Ups Delivery Post) with the details given below:
Ups Online Delivery Post
Contact Person: PAtrick Moutin
Email:ups.contact@kimo.com
Tel: +447011148847
Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given above. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers.
FULL NAMES:
TELEPHONE:
MOBILE:
POSTAL ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager on: ups.contact@kimo.com
As soon as your details are received, our delivery team will give you the necessary payment procedure so that you can effect the payment for the Security Keeping Fee. As soon as they confirm your payment receipt of $210USD, they will not hesitate to dispatch your package as well as the attached letter to your residence. It usually takes 24 hours being an overnight delivery service.
Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a successful reconfirmation.
Do not reply this email because this email account is not monitored. Send your details to ups.contact@kimo.com
Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Joanne Kennedy.
Ups Team Management.
Office Add:234 Forest Road Fertyam Middlesex TW13 7DY United Kingdom
All rights reserved. © 1995-2012
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This E-mail is only for the above addresses. It may contain confidential or privileged information. If you are not an addressee you must not copy, distribute, disclose or use
any of the information in it or any attachments.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ups INTL>>> LICENSE OF UNITED PARCEL SERVICE CORPORATION
We have been waiting for you to contact us for your Confirmed Package that is registered with us for shipping to your residential location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to your package. However, we cannot quote its content to you via email for privacy reasons.Note that we were not instructed to email you, but due to the high priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived United Kingdom and he hasn't fixed his phone yet. We indeed personally sealed your Bank Draft and we found your email contact in the receiver's column as the recipient of the foremost package.
We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $2,100,000.00 USD, Ups do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but Bank Drafts are Shippable. The package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague, and your colleague explained that he is from the United States but he is here in United Kingdom for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a consultant firm in United Kingdom, europe, We are sending you this email because your package is been registered on a Special Order and COD MODE is not operational.
What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Department for Immediate dispatch of your package to your residential address; you will have to pay the sum of $210USD to the Ups Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the Ups Company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Note that as soon as our Delivery Team confirm your information, it will take only one working day (24 hours) for your package to arrive it's designated destination. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid for by your colleague before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates are to certify that the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF) neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism in your country. This will help you avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country. Kindly, note that your colleague did not leave us!
with any further information.
Kindly contact the delivery department (Ups Delivery Post) with the details given below:
Ups Online Delivery Post
Contact Person: PAtrick Moutin
Email:ups.contact@kimo.com
Tel: +447011148847
Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given above. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers.
FULL NAMES:
TELEPHONE:
MOBILE:
POSTAL ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager on: ups.contact@kimo.com
As soon as your details are received, our delivery team will give you the necessary payment procedure so that you can effect the payment for the Security Keeping Fee. As soon as they confirm your payment receipt of $210USD, they will not hesitate to dispatch your package as well as the attached letter to your residence. It usually takes 24 hours being an overnight delivery service.
Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a successful reconfirmation.
Do not reply this email because this email account is not monitored. Send your details to ups.contact@kimo.com
Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Joanne Kennedy.
Ups Team Management.
Office Add:234 Forest Road Fertyam Middlesex TW13 7DY United Kingdom
All rights reserved. © 1995-2012
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This E-mail is only for the above addresses. It may contain confidential or privileged information. If you are not an addressee you must not copy, distribute, disclose or use
any of the information in it or any attachments.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ups INTL>>> LICENSE OF UNITED PARCEL SERVICE CORPORATION
6/23/12
Brash
So, that last post was unfair. Of course I deserved a speeding ticket (though the details I firmly believe were not correct). I guess I was upset because I'm starting to think, if it doesn't matter about the good things you do, then why do them? That post wasn't really about the police... more about my frustration with the world.
I do good things for two reasons- my moral compass and (perceived) recognition. As a kid and a teenager, if you did something good, you were rewarded. Studied hard? You got an A. Practiced your flute like mad? You got into All-State. Worked overtime to ensure that your section of the marching band knew their charts perfectly? You were in the paper (seriously, that happened... apparently, my former district really valued music and a hard work ethic). But you know what I'm learning about the real world (which is a hard lesson, considering I spent the first 18 years of my life in that reward system bubble): nobody cares.
Nobody cares what you do. Hold the door for someone? You probably won't get thanked. Be 100% honest on your resume? You will probably lose the job to someone who fibbed on theirs. Trust your local politicians to accurately represent you? Only if you hold similar beliefs.
My moral compass hasn't swayed, but I'm feeling bitter about it. If nobody cares whether you follow the rules or not, then why do it? Some people would argue that it makes you feel good to do good. True, though temporary. And some would argue that doing the right thing does get noticed. Of course, we all know about the bus monitor who did the right thing in her situation, and now is going to receive something like $500K because of generous people recognizing her actions. But honestly, how often does that happen? If you pick up litter off the street and throw it in a trashcan, there is no personal cheering squad screaming, "Go you! Woo hoo!" There are no ribbons, awards, and trophies in life.
Then, of course, there's the thought of setting a good example. That's part of my moral compass, trying to live by the Golden Rule, showing my kids how to be good people. I guess that should be good reason enough, but as all parents know, kids don't always pick up on the examples set for them.
Am I really going through a mid-life crisis? Geez, when did this blog become so dark? I'm going to need to post something light-hearted next time! But, thanks for putting up with me (if you've read this far).
(Feel free to tell me I'm right, wrong, crazy, need a psychotherapist, etc. I'm hardly offended by much!)
I do good things for two reasons- my moral compass and (perceived) recognition. As a kid and a teenager, if you did something good, you were rewarded. Studied hard? You got an A. Practiced your flute like mad? You got into All-State. Worked overtime to ensure that your section of the marching band knew their charts perfectly? You were in the paper (seriously, that happened... apparently, my former district really valued music and a hard work ethic). But you know what I'm learning about the real world (which is a hard lesson, considering I spent the first 18 years of my life in that reward system bubble): nobody cares.
Nobody cares what you do. Hold the door for someone? You probably won't get thanked. Be 100% honest on your resume? You will probably lose the job to someone who fibbed on theirs. Trust your local politicians to accurately represent you? Only if you hold similar beliefs.
My moral compass hasn't swayed, but I'm feeling bitter about it. If nobody cares whether you follow the rules or not, then why do it? Some people would argue that it makes you feel good to do good. True, though temporary. And some would argue that doing the right thing does get noticed. Of course, we all know about the bus monitor who did the right thing in her situation, and now is going to receive something like $500K because of generous people recognizing her actions. But honestly, how often does that happen? If you pick up litter off the street and throw it in a trashcan, there is no personal cheering squad screaming, "Go you! Woo hoo!" There are no ribbons, awards, and trophies in life.
Then, of course, there's the thought of setting a good example. That's part of my moral compass, trying to live by the Golden Rule, showing my kids how to be good people. I guess that should be good reason enough, but as all parents know, kids don't always pick up on the examples set for them.
Am I really going through a mid-life crisis? Geez, when did this blog become so dark? I'm going to need to post something light-hearted next time! But, thanks for putting up with me (if you've read this far).
(Feel free to tell me I'm right, wrong, crazy, need a psychotherapist, etc. I'm hardly offended by much!)
6/21/12
Singled out
And not in a good way.
Today, I took the boys to the zoo. It was fun- LB rode a camel, and JC fed the goats. They loved the sharks and tiger and penguins and elephants. I was a little frustrating, as is expected when you take two preschoolers to a zoo. But overall, it was fun.
The ride home was not so fun.
Things were moving along well at 70 mph. I was behind a white Jeep Laredo for awhile. I couldn't have been going any faster than the person in front of me because there were enough people on the road to prevent passing. So, I was shocked when I got pulled over for speeding, and was cited for doing 75 in a 60! Granted, I knew I was going over the speed limit- we all were. I was just pissed that I was singled out. And is it just me, or are cops supposed to ask for your registration and proof of insurance? He just asked me what year my car was.
I was too stunned to question the cop, especially when he said he clocked me at 75. So I just took the ticket, crumpled it up, and drove off. But after thinking about it tonight, I'm angry.
I'm a law-abiding citizen. I don't jay-walk. I don't do drugs. I don't sell myself on the street corner. I've never even smoked pot. I try like hell to do the right thing all the time and be an honest person, and now this will be on my record. And, truthfully, I think the cop fibbed my speed- I mean, how convenient that I was "clocked" at exactly 15 over?
But what pissed me off the most is that on the back of the ticket, it says "You will lose your drivers license / privilege". I haven't been pulled over in a decade, never been in an accident, and on my first speeding ticket, I'm going to lose my license? With a deployed husband? And a son that has weekly OT? Not happening. First thing tomorrow, I'm headed to base to consult Navy Legal. I don't know what the state of Washington thinks they're doing, but it's definitely not taking away my license. Okay, so after making a few calls and crying hysterically, someone finally explained that I would lose my license if I don't pay. Whew. Apparently, it's written at the top of the ticket in light gray lettering (couldn't make that out, since I had creased the paper in that spot, oops). Of course, I'm gonna pay, but holy crap was that one scary thought.
PS- Has anyone ever noticed that we only reward criminals for good behavior?? What about the rest of us? Do we have to be arrested and in prison to be recognized for our good deeds?
Today, I took the boys to the zoo. It was fun- LB rode a camel, and JC fed the goats. They loved the sharks and tiger and penguins and elephants. I was a little frustrating, as is expected when you take two preschoolers to a zoo. But overall, it was fun.
The ride home was not so fun.
Things were moving along well at 70 mph. I was behind a white Jeep Laredo for awhile. I couldn't have been going any faster than the person in front of me because there were enough people on the road to prevent passing. So, I was shocked when I got pulled over for speeding, and was cited for doing 75 in a 60! Granted, I knew I was going over the speed limit- we all were. I was just pissed that I was singled out. And is it just me, or are cops supposed to ask for your registration and proof of insurance? He just asked me what year my car was.
I was too stunned to question the cop, especially when he said he clocked me at 75. So I just took the ticket, crumpled it up, and drove off. But after thinking about it tonight, I'm angry.
I'm a law-abiding citizen. I don't jay-walk. I don't do drugs. I don't sell myself on the street corner. I've never even smoked pot. I try like hell to do the right thing all the time and be an honest person, and now this will be on my record. And, truthfully, I think the cop fibbed my speed- I mean, how convenient that I was "clocked" at exactly 15 over?
6/20/12
A lot of little things on my mind
1. My mom's in the hospital. Nothing serious (I hope)- a very bad case of vertigo. So far, the MRI hasn't shown anything, so that's great news... it just sucks that they still don't know why she's feeling this way.
2. I had the best massage today at the Y. This guy must have been very studious in anatomy class, because he knew every little muscle, ligament, whatnot in the body, and how they interact, and why I've been in pain. I barely had to say anything, and he'd press on a spot in my hip and nearly knock my socks off. I feel friggin amazing- no hip popping and cracking, no pain, just a feeling of... normalcy. Feeling like I'm back to me. Definitely going to go back!
3. Poor LB... he has such a hard time with transitions. I had to literally drag him out of the Y childcare on Monday, kicking and screaming and throwing a huge tantrum. It took awhile for him to calm down, since he had started hyperventilating. So today, I talked with him before we went in about what was going to happen, how long he'd be there, and what he was supposed to do when I came to pick him up.... then I crossed my fingers. *Big sigh of relief* It worked. No tears, no screaming, no kicking, no flailing, no head-banging (yeah, I thought we were past this, but we're not). Just a very calm little boy who walked up to me on his own. So today was a winner in that respect.
4. I mowed and trimmed the lawn... and ended up with an itchy, sore throat, itchy & red eyes, a sneezing fit, and a red, itchy rash on my arms. Okay, I give up. Apparently, I'm allergic to anything that is green and grows outside. That sucks. I think it is time to call a lawn maintenance company to take care of the yard work. Does anyone else get this done? It just feels so ..... pretentious.
5. Eh, can't say it.
6. First day of summer, yay! So why is it going to be in the 50s and rainy this weekend?? Anyone care to tell me when summer starts around here? I understand it's the PNW and all, but it's June 20th.
I hope you all are having a wonderful first day of summer!
2. I had the best massage today at the Y. This guy must have been very studious in anatomy class, because he knew every little muscle, ligament, whatnot in the body, and how they interact, and why I've been in pain. I barely had to say anything, and he'd press on a spot in my hip and nearly knock my socks off. I feel friggin amazing- no hip popping and cracking, no pain, just a feeling of... normalcy. Feeling like I'm back to me. Definitely going to go back!
3. Poor LB... he has such a hard time with transitions. I had to literally drag him out of the Y childcare on Monday, kicking and screaming and throwing a huge tantrum. It took awhile for him to calm down, since he had started hyperventilating. So today, I talked with him before we went in about what was going to happen, how long he'd be there, and what he was supposed to do when I came to pick him up.... then I crossed my fingers. *Big sigh of relief* It worked. No tears, no screaming, no kicking, no flailing, no head-banging (yeah, I thought we were past this, but we're not). Just a very calm little boy who walked up to me on his own. So today was a winner in that respect.
4. I mowed and trimmed the lawn... and ended up with an itchy, sore throat, itchy & red eyes, a sneezing fit, and a red, itchy rash on my arms. Okay, I give up. Apparently, I'm allergic to anything that is green and grows outside. That sucks. I think it is time to call a lawn maintenance company to take care of the yard work. Does anyone else get this done? It just feels so ..... pretentious.
5. Eh, can't say it.
6. First day of summer, yay! So why is it going to be in the 50s and rainy this weekend?? Anyone care to tell me when summer starts around here? I understand it's the PNW and all, but it's June 20th.
I hope you all are having a wonderful first day of summer!
6/16/12
Am I supposed to be floundering?
It seems like people ask me all the time, "How are you doing with the deployment? Do you need anything? Is everything going okay? Are you doing okay?" I feel like they're waiting for me to break down in tears, complaining about how I don't know what I'm doing and that I need so much help and how much I miss my husband.
I do miss my husband. But I know what I'm doing, and I really don't need help. Okay, that's a teensy lie. It would be super nice if someone could take care of the yardwork, because I really hate doing it. But it's not like I don't know how to operate the weed whacker. And it's not like I can't take care of the vehicles or the children or the house. In fact, things seem to have gotten a tiny bit easier. There's no grown-man mouth to feed. The laundry situation is way more under control. And it's really nice knowing that someone isn't going to spend $400 at West Marine every few days. I just want to say to those people, "Honestly, I got this."
Is this how people see military wives?? I hear from lots of people, "Oh, you military wives are so strong, I couldn't last two weeks without my husband", then the next minute, they're asking me if anything is wrong. It seems like they don't really believe that we can handle it- it's just something PC for them to say. I think they honestly believe that military wives are lost without their husbands.
What's your take? If you're a milspouse, do you feel freaked out at the prospect of doing it alone? Or do you feel like it's an opportunity to assert your independence? And if you're a civilian, how do you honestly view military wives- strong, independent women who can hold down the fort, or emotional wrecks that rely on everyone but themselves to function?
I do miss my husband. But I know what I'm doing, and I really don't need help. Okay, that's a teensy lie. It would be super nice if someone could take care of the yardwork, because I really hate doing it. But it's not like I don't know how to operate the weed whacker. And it's not like I can't take care of the vehicles or the children or the house. In fact, things seem to have gotten a tiny bit easier. There's no grown-man mouth to feed. The laundry situation is way more under control. And it's really nice knowing that someone isn't going to spend $400 at West Marine every few days. I just want to say to those people, "Honestly, I got this."
Is this how people see military wives?? I hear from lots of people, "Oh, you military wives are so strong, I couldn't last two weeks without my husband", then the next minute, they're asking me if anything is wrong. It seems like they don't really believe that we can handle it- it's just something PC for them to say. I think they honestly believe that military wives are lost without their husbands.
What's your take? If you're a milspouse, do you feel freaked out at the prospect of doing it alone? Or do you feel like it's an opportunity to assert your independence? And if you're a civilian, how do you honestly view military wives- strong, independent women who can hold down the fort, or emotional wrecks that rely on everyone but themselves to function?
6/9/12
ON it!
Hubby deployed today. For some reason, there's something motivating about that. I've been making a ton of lists and charts to help me accomplish some of my deployment goals (it will be a short one, which is why I think I feel the need to get crackin')...
1. Work on my fitness. Duh. A constant goal.
2. Plan & book a hot springs get-away for after he gets back. Yes, he knows about it, but I'd like for him to come home and have everything planned and paid for and ready to go.
3. Clean up our backyard. Weed effing central. It needs a lot of TLC, and I'd like to make it all romantic by stringing some outdoor lights under the canopy.
4. Put plates and base stickers on all his vehicles & toys.
5. Sign the kids up for parks and rec stuff to keep them busy. For LB, there's a weekly soccer class, which I think he'd love. The kid has a knack for the sport. Poor JC- there's not much offered for his age group, but we have the Y.
6. Send a care package through AnySailor. You subby wives know that the wife can't do much for the husband when he's deployed. This makes me feel like I can help in some way. Besides, my cousin's husband is soon headed to Afghanistan, so I'll be sending lots of care packages!
7. Get the ball rolling on a plastic surgeon to fix the diastasis recti and get a tummy tuck.
I made a three month calendar for the boys. LB said he wanted to put heart stickers on the days that Daddy is gone. I also covered my calendar in things to do that Hubby spelled out for me (run the truck every two weeks-ish, check on the boat, where to find the weedwhacker stuff, etc). The house is a mess, there's crap everywhere, but I feel better with a plan. I might have overdone it with the lists (weekly cleaning check list, the never-ending Things To Do list, weight chart, kid chore chart...), but I feel in control. It's nice. :)
Here's to a quick and productive deployment!
1. Work on my fitness. Duh. A constant goal.
2. Plan & book a hot springs get-away for after he gets back. Yes, he knows about it, but I'd like for him to come home and have everything planned and paid for and ready to go.
3. Clean up our backyard. Weed effing central. It needs a lot of TLC, and I'd like to make it all romantic by stringing some outdoor lights under the canopy.
4. Put plates and base stickers on all his vehicles & toys.
5. Sign the kids up for parks and rec stuff to keep them busy. For LB, there's a weekly soccer class, which I think he'd love. The kid has a knack for the sport. Poor JC- there's not much offered for his age group, but we have the Y.
6. Send a care package through AnySailor. You subby wives know that the wife can't do much for the husband when he's deployed. This makes me feel like I can help in some way. Besides, my cousin's husband is soon headed to Afghanistan, so I'll be sending lots of care packages!
7. Get the ball rolling on a plastic surgeon to fix the diastasis recti and get a tummy tuck.
I made a three month calendar for the boys. LB said he wanted to put heart stickers on the days that Daddy is gone. I also covered my calendar in things to do that Hubby spelled out for me (run the truck every two weeks-ish, check on the boat, where to find the weedwhacker stuff, etc). The house is a mess, there's crap everywhere, but I feel better with a plan. I might have overdone it with the lists (weekly cleaning check list, the never-ending Things To Do list, weight chart, kid chore chart...), but I feel in control. It's nice. :)
Here's to a quick and productive deployment!
6/7/12
Better
Yesterday, I cried in front of the husband. Couldn't help it. LB has been telling me over and over that he's running away and wishes I would disappear and never come back. After we got back from Pizza Hut, I went into the office with my laptop and googled "my son hates me". Turns out, it's very common with autistic kids, since they have trouble seeing positive tokens, but focus on negative tokens. Doesn't make it any better. I hid in the office and ignored Hubby until it was time for us to go to bed. Just me, alone. Oh, and I also plucked my eyebrows, since (again) I can't remember the last time I did that.
Today, I made pancakes for the boys and they gobbled them up. I've tried to talk as less as possible, just letting them have their day and me have mine. They were even in pajamas until noon. It's been rainy and cold here, so who cares anyway. I was able to enjoy not one, but two cups of coffee in peace. Oh, and I've stopped making compromises on my coffee. Folgers is okay, but Gevalia is divine and I deserve it. By the way, their house blend is excellent, but I also received a big discount through their website, so I ordered five different flavors to try. Yum! I'm looking forward to them already! (I was not paid to say nice things about Gevalia... I don't use the blog to make money, just to vent and save my sanity, so whatever nice things I say are genuine and not bought)
I stood in front of my sheet music last night and stared at it. There was a time where I would look at those pages every day, reading the music and making notes on how to play it better. Not a day went by without studying pages of music. Now, it seems like a completely different life. It was too late to start practicing last night, but I will pull out those sheets again.
I'm gradually doing better at focusing on what makes me happy. Starting small- time alone, personal hygiene, and a hot cup of coffee. Now, maybe a little practice session is in order. The boys are playing video games (permissible on cold, rainy June days)- hopefully it keeps their attention so I can play in peace!
Today, I made pancakes for the boys and they gobbled them up. I've tried to talk as less as possible, just letting them have their day and me have mine. They were even in pajamas until noon. It's been rainy and cold here, so who cares anyway. I was able to enjoy not one, but two cups of coffee in peace. Oh, and I've stopped making compromises on my coffee. Folgers is okay, but Gevalia is divine and I deserve it. By the way, their house blend is excellent, but I also received a big discount through their website, so I ordered five different flavors to try. Yum! I'm looking forward to them already! (I was not paid to say nice things about Gevalia... I don't use the blog to make money, just to vent and save my sanity, so whatever nice things I say are genuine and not bought)
I stood in front of my sheet music last night and stared at it. There was a time where I would look at those pages every day, reading the music and making notes on how to play it better. Not a day went by without studying pages of music. Now, it seems like a completely different life. It was too late to start practicing last night, but I will pull out those sheets again.
I'm gradually doing better at focusing on what makes me happy. Starting small- time alone, personal hygiene, and a hot cup of coffee. Now, maybe a little practice session is in order. The boys are playing video games (permissible on cold, rainy June days)- hopefully it keeps their attention so I can play in peace!
6/5/12
If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
I've been in a funk. Feeling uninspired... stuck... feeling like the days are so long, but I don't have any time to do what I want. And the impending lifestyle change, aka deployment, will not help at all.
I read an article about personal needs vs personal values. And based on the questions (Do you wake up thinking, do I have to do this again today? Do you feeling like something is missing? Do you feel unappreciated? Are you saying you want to lose weight, but you are eating chocolate candy every day and not sure why you can't stop?... um, yes to all), my personal needs and personal values are out of whack.
Taking a look at just personal needs, it's very obvious why I'm in a funk. I think most mothers of little ones agree that personal needs often take a backseat, and more effort needs to be put in to see them met. For example, after my shower yesterday, which was the first in three days, I noticed I hadn't cut my toenails in forever. I could remember the last time I cut the boys', but not my own. Yikes. And gross.
The article suggested determining the needs that are driving you. I think my most important need is to be recognized as me, a human being, not some Mom-bot. For most of my day, I'm viewed by my children as "Mommy, the provider". I'm a person who sees that their needs are met, and because they are preschoolers, they are not in a position to reciprocate and see that my needs are met. I understand that, though it's immensely frustrating. I rely on Hubby for that kind of recognition, but between getting ready for deployment, on top of a time-consuming job in port, there's little time for him to fulfill any personal needs I ask of him. (That's not a get-out-of-jail-free card. As a husband, he has some responsibility to fulfill some of my personal needs, like I have a responsibility to fulfill some of his. My point is that by the time we have time alone, we're both too exhausted to do anything but veg on the couch)
Another personal need that I have to recognize is needing more time alone. I've always enjoyed being by myself, whether it's going out and wandering downtown or reading or painting my nails. None of that can be done alone as a SAHM to little boys, and Hubby's usually home late enough for me to feel guilty bailing on him. I should stop feeling guilty... though it's hard when I have a limited number of days with him. One of my solutions to this is finding a reliable babysitter. That has its own challenges, as sitters aren't typically experienced in Aspergers and autism, which makes me feel uncomfortable about leaving the boys with them, and also makes many of them not willing to babysit for us again.
That last personal need bleeds into personal values, things I have always liked to do as a child, teenager, or adult. Music has taken a backseat, bigtime. The boys cannot be trusted around my instruments, even when I'm playing them (sticking their little fingers in the hole at the end of my flute may be cute, but it messes up my embouchure and breaks my concentration, making me pissy). It's also insanely frustrating to stop every minute or two to break up a fight or put someone in time-out. Continuity of concentration is key for me... some people feel okay parenting and practicing at the same time, but it just makes me feel more agitated and angry. I like to take my music seriously, and that can't be done with all the kid commotion that comes with two little boys.
I used to read all the time as a kid. I can't remember the last book I read for pleasure. Sad. That personal value might actually improve with deployment, as I can sit down a read a good book without feeling guilty about ignoring Hubby.
The Y is a wonderful outlet for my personal value of getting into shape, and fulfills my personal need of time alone.
And even though I enjoy and value my alone time, I also value friendships and having personal connections with people. It's easier to bond with other women with kids, but I enjoy those friendships without the kids, too. Having a standing girls' night might help... though finding a reliable sitter is key to that, too.
I have a lot of reflecting and work to do to get myself out of this rut, especially without Hubby's help. It's going to take a lot of planning, but it's essential to getting "me" back. Being "LB & JC's Mom" is okay, but I can't only be that.
I read an article about personal needs vs personal values. And based on the questions (Do you wake up thinking, do I have to do this again today? Do you feeling like something is missing? Do you feel unappreciated? Are you saying you want to lose weight, but you are eating chocolate candy every day and not sure why you can't stop?... um, yes to all), my personal needs and personal values are out of whack.
Taking a look at just personal needs, it's very obvious why I'm in a funk. I think most mothers of little ones agree that personal needs often take a backseat, and more effort needs to be put in to see them met. For example, after my shower yesterday, which was the first in three days, I noticed I hadn't cut my toenails in forever. I could remember the last time I cut the boys', but not my own. Yikes. And gross.
The article suggested determining the needs that are driving you. I think my most important need is to be recognized as me, a human being, not some Mom-bot. For most of my day, I'm viewed by my children as "Mommy, the provider". I'm a person who sees that their needs are met, and because they are preschoolers, they are not in a position to reciprocate and see that my needs are met. I understand that, though it's immensely frustrating. I rely on Hubby for that kind of recognition, but between getting ready for deployment, on top of a time-consuming job in port, there's little time for him to fulfill any personal needs I ask of him. (That's not a get-out-of-jail-free card. As a husband, he has some responsibility to fulfill some of my personal needs, like I have a responsibility to fulfill some of his. My point is that by the time we have time alone, we're both too exhausted to do anything but veg on the couch)
Another personal need that I have to recognize is needing more time alone. I've always enjoyed being by myself, whether it's going out and wandering downtown or reading or painting my nails. None of that can be done alone as a SAHM to little boys, and Hubby's usually home late enough for me to feel guilty bailing on him. I should stop feeling guilty... though it's hard when I have a limited number of days with him. One of my solutions to this is finding a reliable babysitter. That has its own challenges, as sitters aren't typically experienced in Aspergers and autism, which makes me feel uncomfortable about leaving the boys with them, and also makes many of them not willing to babysit for us again.
That last personal need bleeds into personal values, things I have always liked to do as a child, teenager, or adult. Music has taken a backseat, bigtime. The boys cannot be trusted around my instruments, even when I'm playing them (sticking their little fingers in the hole at the end of my flute may be cute, but it messes up my embouchure and breaks my concentration, making me pissy). It's also insanely frustrating to stop every minute or two to break up a fight or put someone in time-out. Continuity of concentration is key for me... some people feel okay parenting and practicing at the same time, but it just makes me feel more agitated and angry. I like to take my music seriously, and that can't be done with all the kid commotion that comes with two little boys.
I used to read all the time as a kid. I can't remember the last book I read for pleasure. Sad. That personal value might actually improve with deployment, as I can sit down a read a good book without feeling guilty about ignoring Hubby.
The Y is a wonderful outlet for my personal value of getting into shape, and fulfills my personal need of time alone.
And even though I enjoy and value my alone time, I also value friendships and having personal connections with people. It's easier to bond with other women with kids, but I enjoy those friendships without the kids, too. Having a standing girls' night might help... though finding a reliable sitter is key to that, too.
I have a lot of reflecting and work to do to get myself out of this rut, especially without Hubby's help. It's going to take a lot of planning, but it's essential to getting "me" back. Being "LB & JC's Mom" is okay, but I can't only be that.
6/2/12
Ohmmmmm...
I vacuumed, cleaned, did laundry, etc... but nothing was giving me a sense of accomplishment. Then, I discovered the reason why- the toy room.
You see, the kids have a downstairs room all to themselves to house their immense collection of toys (which, admittedly, sits unused a lot of the time, making it all that much more painful to see). It's nice because it's not on the main floor of the house, so the mess can be contained. Oh, but what a mess... And, it's the first thing you see when you come into the house from the garage. "Oh, welcome home! You had a horrible DMV experience with two insane children?? Let me remind you of even more shit awaiting for you!"
So today, I banished the boys from the toy room (because they weren't helping so much as playing with everything I had just put away) and went to town, armed with two bags intended for Goodwill & the trash. Things are now put away, and all the little pieces that were strewn across the floor now have a home. And, the best part, there's a pile of stuff I'm about to put in the back of my car and donate.
Don't think that I'm a horrible person, throwing the kids' toys away. They have PLENTY. Really. This stuff that I'm donating are things that they never use any more, or are broken (one bag to donate, one bag to throw out). And, I feel so. much. better. And I'm sure they do too, now that they can find the toys they want.
What sort of cleaning do you do that gives you the biggest sense of accomplishment??
You see, the kids have a downstairs room all to themselves to house their immense collection of toys (which, admittedly, sits unused a lot of the time, making it all that much more painful to see). It's nice because it's not on the main floor of the house, so the mess can be contained. Oh, but what a mess... And, it's the first thing you see when you come into the house from the garage. "Oh, welcome home! You had a horrible DMV experience with two insane children?? Let me remind you of even more shit awaiting for you!"
So today, I banished the boys from the toy room (because they weren't helping so much as playing with everything I had just put away) and went to town, armed with two bags intended for Goodwill & the trash. Things are now put away, and all the little pieces that were strewn across the floor now have a home. And, the best part, there's a pile of stuff I'm about to put in the back of my car and donate.
Don't think that I'm a horrible person, throwing the kids' toys away. They have PLENTY. Really. This stuff that I'm donating are things that they never use any more, or are broken (one bag to donate, one bag to throw out). And, I feel so. much. better. And I'm sure they do too, now that they can find the toys they want.
What sort of cleaning do you do that gives you the biggest sense of accomplishment??
6/1/12
June Milspouse Friday Fill-in
1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?
LB's diagnosis of ASD.
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in May?
LB's diagnosis of ASD. It's a double-edged sword... it sucks that he will have to deal with Aspergers for his entire life, but it allows us to get the help he needs, which means he'll be able to deal with it quicker and better.
3. June includes the first day of summer… what are your plans for the summer?
My plans? I don't have many. I will be dealing with a deployment most of the summer... and fall... and part of the winter. The rest of this year will be very light on husband interaction. :( But we're taking advantage of our remaining free time! This weekend, we will be journeying out to Forks for some cheesy Twilight tourism. I'm pretty sure you can buy a Werewolf Burger or a Cullen Clam Chowder, followed up by a Bella Banana Split.
4. Do you use the services on base (gym, financial planning, family services, daycare)? And if so, what’s your favorite one? (thanks to Shanon at Modern Meets Traditional for this question!)
I would like to! Really, I would. But the drop-in child care is almost always full, even when I call several weeks in advance. Which means, I don't use the gym (we have a Y membership, anyway, that we love). I barely even shop at the commissary or exchange any more, since discovering extreme couponing. I mostly go on base for the SOSA meetings.
5. What are you looking forward to in June?
Warmer weather and deployment... deployment only because we're at the point where waiting for it is so much worse than actually saying goodbye.
LB's diagnosis of ASD.
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in May?
LB's diagnosis of ASD. It's a double-edged sword... it sucks that he will have to deal with Aspergers for his entire life, but it allows us to get the help he needs, which means he'll be able to deal with it quicker and better.
3. June includes the first day of summer… what are your plans for the summer?
My plans? I don't have many. I will be dealing with a deployment most of the summer... and fall... and part of the winter. The rest of this year will be very light on husband interaction. :( But we're taking advantage of our remaining free time! This weekend, we will be journeying out to Forks for some cheesy Twilight tourism. I'm pretty sure you can buy a Werewolf Burger or a Cullen Clam Chowder, followed up by a Bella Banana Split.
4. Do you use the services on base (gym, financial planning, family services, daycare)? And if so, what’s your favorite one? (thanks to Shanon at Modern Meets Traditional for this question!)
I would like to! Really, I would. But the drop-in child care is almost always full, even when I call several weeks in advance. Which means, I don't use the gym (we have a Y membership, anyway, that we love). I barely even shop at the commissary or exchange any more, since discovering extreme couponing. I mostly go on base for the SOSA meetings.
5. What are you looking forward to in June?
Warmer weather and deployment... deployment only because we're at the point where waiting for it is so much worse than actually saying goodbye.
5/29/12
Memorial Day weekend
How was your past weekend? I've really enjoyed seeing what people have done to remember those who have served... everything from parades to BBQs to drive-in movies. We camped.
Hubby planned the whole thing. He booked a campsite at Skokomish Park near Lake Cushman. We drove up there and putted around the lake in the boat...
...where I pronounced myself queen of the lake....
...then set up camp.
(PS, LLBean makes the best tents in the friggin' world)
After a day of boating and a night of sleeping in the tent, we did some off-roading...
...some hiking, where the boys spotted every single waterfall...
....threw some rocks...
...and found some big trees.
We spent one more night at the campsite, then packed up the next morning. Despite the rainy forecast, we only had a few sprinkles the second night. The boys were confused about what we were doing, but quickly found excitement in the novelty of the tent and sleeping outside. They also really loved exploring and going on adventures, though JC wasn't too keen on walking around a lot, especially up hill.
It was a really fun weekend, despite some tears and some arguments. Time spent away from television and electronics really made for some great memories.
Hubby planned the whole thing. He booked a campsite at Skokomish Park near Lake Cushman. We drove up there and putted around the lake in the boat...
...where I pronounced myself queen of the lake....
...then set up camp.
After a day of boating and a night of sleeping in the tent, we did some off-roading...
It was a really fun weekend, despite some tears and some arguments. Time spent away from television and electronics really made for some great memories.
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