*WARNING: This post contains swear words, so don't read it if you don't like them.
I'm irritable this morning. It doesn't seem like I can do anything right, which is a feeling I truly hate. Potty training is a huge part of it. LB's being so fucking stubborn, I'm going crazy. All these people that say "You can potty train in three days" need to go fucking put a bullet in their head.
It's day 3, and we are actually doing worse than day 1. He won't pee on the potty, even though he says he likes it and likes sitting on it. As soon as he stands up, he goes into the living room and leaves a huge puddle on the floor. I'm getting really sick of cleaning up shit and getting it all over me.
Speaking of that, I'm insanely irritable because I haven't showered since Monday morning. I don't have time during the day because LB will pee while I'm out of sight, and when Hubby comes home, I feel guilty taking time away from him. Stupid, right?
Speaking of that, I'm getting super fucking irritated with his food thing. He'll buy food that I don't like, then tell me that I have to eat it before it goes bad. He gets pissed when I give his orange juice to the kids (what are we, in college, sharing a fucking fridge??) and tells me that I need to figure out how to grill the mushrooms, even though he's offered to make dinner.
I guess it's not really the stupid mushrooms that's getting me pissed. I'm bitterly resentful. I want to get away and get out of the house, even if it's to write an ass-long thesis. At least he's doing it in quiet, without anyone else's bodily fluids all over him, and actually using his fucking brain. He can drive in silence to work every day, have conversations with people over the age of three that don't involve peeing and pooping and Elmo, and he can actually put food in his mouth uninterrupted.
I didn't eat yesterday between when he left at 7am and when he made dinner at 6pm. Between a needy, clingy 16 month old and a stubborn 3 year old learning to pee on the potty, I literally didn't have a second to myself.
LB peed the bed this morning. I have an extra set of sheets and a mattress pad, but we have no dryer. I need to wash them and hang them to dry, then fucking pray to the gods that they are dry by tomorrow. I'd take them to the laundromat, but I can't leave the house since LB doesn't get the concept of not shitting his pants, and frankly doesn't care if he does.
I just feel like I'm being shit on, literally and figuratively, and I fucking hate it. I'm constantly taking care of someone else and hardly ever have any time for myself. And that was before potty training. Now, I'm lucky if I brush my teeth once a day. I don't like giving and giving myself to get nothing but shit in return.
No wonder I'm bitter and pouty and a bitch.
But what to do? Someone has to work, which obviously isn't me. So I guess that automatically leaves me in the traditional stay-at-home mommy role, but once the boys are in bed, that leaves me time to do the things I couldn't get to during the day. But what will that do to our marriage? Hubby's away from me all day, then when he gets home, I don't spend time with him?
If you are going or went through this, what did you do? How did you manage to balance everything without feeling like a used doormat? I'm just trying to do it all without losing myself in the process, but I don't see a way.
*Fucking holy shit, did my washer seriously just have to break down today?????
5 comments:
I've never been a mom, so I have no real advice other than BREATHE. And don't feel guilty about not spending time with your husband when he comes home. Go take your shower and leave your hubs to clean up the puddles for a bit. He may whine, but whatever.
And if you have some funds, or at least some good friends who owe you a favor, schedule a date night SOON. No kids. I think it's what you need.
But again, this advice may all be rubbish. I'm not a mom yet, so what do I know?
1. you have to talk to your Hubby. even if comes out as screaming and cursing at him and then eventually crying and apologizing and working it out (that's how i do it, not the most streamlined, but at least i get it off my chest)
2. you MUST have some me time. during the rant at the hubby, let him know this. he MUST help you even if you are the SAHM...seriously.
3. What right do i have to say any of this? none. I am neither SAHM or mom, but I am a woman who tries to take care of everyone but herself and eventually it wears me the fuck out. (refer back to #1)
Good luck!!!!!
Oh man, you sound just like I did about 2 years ago... have no fear, I swear this too shall pass...yes, really. I thought to god my kid was going to go to college wearing diapers! It was insane... good news is she got it and thank god for that because I was at the brink of insanity too. I feel for ya, I really do... I think potty training is one of the hardest things we have to do as a parent. Dont let those assholes in the book fool you either... potty training in 3 days my ass! LOL
And everyone deserves a break, you need to make time for yourself... the shit (literally) can wait. You might not feel like your working but your in fact working OVER time... and now its time for payday! Even if you just take a half hour and go to the store by yourself or drive around in the car, that's what I used to do... and sometimes treat myself to starbucks. It will make all the difference. As for the hubby, I would suggest talking, he might not realize all that is going on under the surface... I had to do that too. Mine had no clue how it was taking a tole on me. After we talked it helped alot. Best of luck and hang in there. I do hope it gets alot better soon. :)
Hopefully this will make you laugh and not make you feel worse:
As I've mentioned before, we're potty-training my two-year-old nephew, Boog. The other day he wouldn't go #2 in the potty, and he had been holding it for 3 days, so my sister had to give him a laxative and put a diaper on him. Well...he's gotten to where he takes his diaper off when he pees in it. After about 30 minutes, my Hubby went to check on him and he had sure enough "pooped it". My Hubs told my sister and she and her husband didn't immediately go and change him, Big mistake! My Hubs went to check on him again, and Boog had taken his diaper off, gotten poo all over his bed, the wall, the sheets, the blankets, his clothes, all down the back of his leg, on his hand and smeared all over his foot. It was so horrifyingly disgusting. I took the little stinker and literally sprayed him off in the tub. Worst experience I've ever had as his aunt.
Hopefully, you haven't experienced anything this bad yet. I'm praying for you and LB!
Ugh that sucks...you're going to go mental if you don't get some help around the house...and on that note...get OUT of the house by yourself. Say it loud Lady! Your an Aries - push or be pushed! PUSH!!! :)
As for potty training - boys are slower than girls and he JUST turned 3...it'll happen...it's frustrating as all I'm sure but it'll happen. And if he doesn't, you're near wine country, get a cork and plug it up :)
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