Wanna play?

I'm playing this little game that I found out about from Jess.  I'm actually not that great with posts that I have to do every day, and I'm sure I'll combine days (especially towards the end), but it's something that's not related to poop (literal and figurative), so I thought it would be a good way to give you something pleasant to read for a change, ha.  Here are the Qs:

Day 1. What are some of your Christmas traditions?


Day 2. Shopping: Your best bargains, favorite stores, game plans and shopping team members.

Day 3. Gifts: What you're giving:

Day 4. Write a Letter to Santa.

Day 5. What is your favorite Christmas Movie?

Day 6. Show us your Christmas Cards (Sent/Received):

Day 7. What is your favorite thing about Christmas?

Day 8. What is your least favorite thing about Christmas?

Day 9. Christmas party; are you having one or attending one?

Day 10. What is your favorite Christmas Recipe?

Day 11. Show your Christmas Decorations (indoor/outdoor):

Day 12. What is your favorite Christmas Song/Carol?

Day 13. What is your favorite Christmas Cookie/Sweet Treat Recipe?

Day 14. Show us your tree:

Day 15. Christmas/Holiday Crafts:

Day 16. What is your favorite outdoor Christmas activity?

Day 17. Show us your Christmas/Holiday Decor:

Day 18.What is your favorite family Christmas recipe?

Day 19.What was your favorite Christmas vacation?

Day 20. Show us your favorite ornament:

Day 21. If you could play Santa this year and could give coal to anyone, who would it be and why?

Day 22. Show us your stockings:

Day 23. What is your most memorable Christmas or thing about the Holidays?

Day 24. Christmas Eve: What are you doing?

Day 25. Christmas Day: What are you doing?

Happy Drunksgiving

You know what I'm thankful for??  Vodka.  Know why?

*It really helps take the edge off when LB headbutts me in the temple and breaks my Burberry glasses (my first pair of non-BC glasses... you milspousers know what that means).
*It really helps take the edge off thinking about how pissed I am that anything nice I own is destroyed by the three amigos living here, thus causing me to exist in a state of cheap trash until the boys outgrow destruction (which I don't think will ever happen).
*It helps me smile when Hubby passes out on the couch from 2pm to 5pm, leaving me to clean up after the turkey festivities and take care of two little boys who are on a sugar high after eating only potato chips and chocolate truffles all day.
*It makes me not care so much when the boys smash my antique sleigh bells on the ground, break my glass ornaments off the tree (even after I gated the loving crap outta it), and when Hubby pokes fun of my tradition of watching the Macy's parade.
*It helps me relax when I've stayed up all night for Black Friday shopping that Hubby did, while I sat in the cold-ass car with two screaming, overtired toddlers.
*It also helps me relax as everyone takes turns napping for several hours except me.
*Vodka also helps me be happy with the fact that I made an enormous turkey dinner for us but the boys only ate rolls.  (To his credit, JC also polished off his stuffing, but a carb's a carb)

So thank you, Absolut, for a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I just have one last request- take of this headache, will ya??

Not my finest

This morning, I've been a bitch troll from hell.  I know it.  It all started at the gym, when some a-hole made a comment about how we don't need the military and we should stop spending money on them and how we shouldn't be butting into the North Korea vs South Korea thing.  That got my blood boiling, so I took it out on myself at Body Pump and actually had a good workout.  But then I came home and the morning from hell has commenced.

I wanted to make the pumpkin and chocolate cream pies today, so I'd have less to do tomorrow.  When I came home, the kitchen was an absolute mess.  The dishwasher hadn't been started, the sink was full of more dirty dishes, and the stove top was covered in dirty pans from last night's dinner (and I barely even cooked anything, wtf?).  I figured I'd take advantage of the fact that the boys were semi-behaving, but just when I had to "constantly stir" the pudding, they just turned into complete brats.

LB kept hitting JC and yelling at him.  JC kept crying over everything.  He wanted me to pick him up, then put him down, then pick him up (I'm keeping one hand over a hot pot, mind you, trying not to burn the chocolate cream pie, which btw is my cooking bane).  LB slammed a drawer on JC's fingers.  They took all my cooking utensils, including a very sharp vegetable peeler and pizza cutter, and dumped them on the floor (yay, more stuff to clean) (and don't suggest we child-lock them, because I'm not drilling that stuff into a rental kitchen).  They hit me, pulled my pants down, and yelled at me.  Just as I was closing the dishwasher, JC stuck his head in and I smacked him (by accident) with the door.  Then, something in me snapped and I screamed at them.

It was a horrible, screeching scream, and I said a very, very bad thing.  I said, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"  Yeaaaaaaah, not my best moment in mommyhood, but they (for once) got very silent and backed away from me.

I feel a little guilty about it, but not really guilty.  My personal space is very important to me, and for the past three years, it's been puked on, pulled on, pooped on, and completely invaded 24 hours a day.  The level of yelling and noise with these boys is enough to torture someone, I swear.  LB whines with this "Eh! Eh! Eh!" sound, which he got from Hubby (thanks a lot, dear), and it drives me up a fucking wall.  They're not content if they aren't making the loudest possible noise with their cars on the hardwood floor.  And they also aren't content to just leave each other the fuck alone.  I've tried separating them, but it's like they like to annoy each other.  What they don't know is that not only are they pushing each other's buttons, but they're pushing mine, and there are a few days when I just completely snap.

The pies are almost done, and I need to make the cranberry sauce and pre-make the rolls.  I have a god-awful headache right now and I just desperately want to hit something.  I don't want to plop them in front of the TV and rot their brain, but I might- I really need a few moments to myself right now.  Actually, what I want is a sitter so I can just leave.  No agenda, just get out of the house for a few hours and do nothing.  Ahhhh, that would be nice.

Shoulda seen this coming...

Well, I've had my first public moment of utter embarassment, thanks to LB.  Sure, he's screeched and thrown fits and all, but that stuff I can handle.  Sorta.  This one, though, threw me for a loop, and I still have no idea if my reaction was appropriate, or what I should have done, or if I can ever show my face in the commissary again.

I took the boys grocery shopping with me.  I was only on the second aisle, going through my very lengthy list, when LB saw two girls in a cart next to him.  He said hi and started to say something rather unintelligible.  Pretty much the norm.  However, as I passed them, LB looked straight at one of the girls and asked "Are you a spider?"

I couldn't figure out why in the world he would ask someone if they were a spider.  I mean, it's not like she was dressed up or anything.  Then, omg, it hit me.  The little girl had her black hair up in tiny dreads, and he thought they looked like spider legs.  Oh dear god, someone please hit me with a bus....

"Are you a spider??" he asked again, much louder.  I tried to hurry along, but the swarm of old people crowd was moving oh-so-slowly.  He shouted, "Are you a spider????" LB, shut up, shut up, shut up!

Oh god, what do I do??  I didn't want to get beat down for something completely offensive my kid said.  So, I played dumb, sort of, and said, "What are you talking about?  I think you're the spider, Spiderman."  That totally switched his attention from the little girl to pretending to be Spiderman.

Whew.

But seriously, how am I supposed to explain race to a two year old?  How is he going to understand that there are many different people out there, and it's not polite to comment on their appearance like that?  I didn't think he would, which is why I went the distraction route.  But I sure as hell wanted to just stick my head up a turkey's ass.  I'm sure it would have been more pleasant.

Who are you?

Ugh, there are some things I'd love to blog about right now.  The trouble is, it's a public blog and I don't know if certain people would be reading this, and since I want to keep the peace (at least, superficially) during the holiday season, I can't unload it all here.

Boooo.

Maybe I should.  It would certainly be a relief to get it all out there and to tell certain people off.  I know I'd feel a lot better.  But would it actually be better?  Don't know.  Sometimes I think I'm better off just keeping it to myself that I think some people are controlling, selfish, back-stabby, etc.

Besides, how do you tell people really what you think of them?  There's no good way to do it without hurting someone.  And I guess if they're pissing me off that badly, I shouldn't care if I hurt them, but it's not really in my nature to be hateful so I do care. 

Yes, maybe I should start a private blog (perhaps I already have, wink wink!).  I guess I need more than one, considering I have more than one circle of friends reading this.  Hm.  Stuff to think about.

What about you?  Do you tell it like it is, regardless of who's reading, or not?  What kind of topics are off limits on your blog?

MilSpouse Friday Fill-in #22

1.If you had to be shipwrecked on a deserted island, but all your human needs – such as food and water – were taken care of, what two items would you want to have with you?
Well, I'm assuming my hubby and kids are there with me, since they have become part of my needs, soooo.... my laptop and a solar charger, so I can still do Milspouse Friday Fill-ins.  :)


2.If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you have?
Hm, my dressing would be italian, because that's what I am.  Boring, si, but I don't have any other bright ideas.

3.If you had to live on a ranch, what kind of animals would you raise/own?
Cows.  You can milk them, and then when they get too old, have a big steak dinner.  Plus, no crowing at dawn.  My college had a cow farm right next to my apartment building.  It was a little stinky, but the most pleasant farm animals to live next to.

4.If your life was was portrayed as a movie, who would you choose to play you and your significant other?
Based on looks, people always tell me that I look like a young SJP or Debra Messing.  People say Hubby looks like Henry Rollins, so maybe them?  I don't know who I'd pick if the decision was left solely up to me- possibly Anne Hathaway?...  Probably myself as me and Daniel Craig Jason Statham (how could I leave him off the list????) or Brad Pitt as my hubby, so I can smooch one of them.  :)

5.What was the last thing you put a stamp on (envelope, duh, but what was in the envelope)?
Our Christmas cards.  I know it's early, but next month is going to be ridiculous, so I feel much better getting them done now.
Stop by Wife of a Sailor to have some fun with this week's questions!

Dear dentist, thanks for the exorcism

So, I've figured out how to get the crazy toddler temper tantrums to stop: take the kids to the dentist.

I had an appointment today for a cleaning, which I totally forgot about.  I didn't feel like calling a sitter at the last minute, so I pack up a humongous diaper bag, plopped the kids in the car, and drove to the dentist, praying and pleading for the best.

LB was pissed because I took off his football pajamas, then wouldn't let him wear his robot pajamas.  He wanted fishies, then juice, then an apple, then a book, then a flashlight, etc.  JC was pleasant, but the poor kid is a sniffling mess right now.  Both of them let me know exactly how unhappy they were.

I showed up and apologized for the company.  I said we can reschedule, but I was told that it was actually good to bring the kids, so they get to experience the dentist a little.  We waited.  LB touched everything in the waiting room about a million times.  The boys both then demanded apples, which I thankfully had.  LB asked a bunch of questions and pestered had conversations with the girls at the desk, while JC flirted with just about every person in the waiting room.  But once we got into the exam room, magical things started happening.

Silence overcame both boys.

I think there was a lot to look at, and it really helped that they had a little flat screen TV tuned to the Disney Channel.  The boys sat there (almost) the whole time, watching Special Agent Oso, and just took it all in.  It was the most quiet part to my day, including nap time.  I can't believe I actually enjoyed going to the dentist.

PS- No cavities and everything is just dandy.  Woo hoo!

Anyway, the boys both got new toothbrushes and LB was given a little hand-held game, which is currently in his death grip- it's his new favorite toy.  He even got a "ride" in the exam chair, which he thought was really cool.  They were both fantastically well-behaved, although a lot of my thanks goes to the staff, who kept peeking in and oohing and aahing over them and playing little games with them.

I'm seriously looking forward to my cleaning in May.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Holy crap, the entire morning has been spent dealing with DMVs that aren't even in my time zone.  I received a lovely bill from the state of VA, saying that I haven't been paying them taxes on my car since 2007 and that I owe them $1200... that's because I moved in 2007.  I notified the DMV, sent my forwarding address, and registered the car in HI, but that didn't help because apparently they still think we live there.  I called to fix this and they said I needed proof from HI that I registered the car... um, I don't even own the car any more.  Luckily, I still had the VIN.  The HI DMV told me to request in writing, which is going to take a metric butt-ton of time...  at least I didn't run into "hawaiians not helping people".

Yeah, "hawaiians not helping people" was a phrase that caught on while we were stationed there.  Some of our good friends and we noticed that natives were not exactly up-to-par on the customer service end, hence the phrase.  We would say it whenever we experienced some kind of horrific service on the island, like how the Wendy's on Pualoa never got our order right.

Oh, but I ran into "hawaiians not helping people" here in CA!  The drugstore where I refill my meds has an older asian lady working there, who looks and sounds a lot like most of the people in HI.  She told me that I had to go to a different pharmacy because that's where the Rx was filled last.  A nicer woman stepped in and said, "just call them and have it transferred over the phone".  The first woman did not look thrilled at having to put in the extra effort, but I can't expect much from "hawaiians not helping people". 

Gahd, I'm in such a bitchy mood right now.  Sorry, ladies and gentlemen.  :)

My Christmas cards are addressed, stamped, and ready to be tossed in the mail.  Go me.

My entire body is telling me to go to McDonald's and get a cheeseburger happy meal, then pick up some chocolate on the way home.  My brain is telling it that I just worked out this morning and to STFU.  Hm, who do I listen to??

When my kids get sick, they don't really get sick.  They're a little miserable and have stuffy, runny noses, but thankfully it's not the sick-in-bed, dragon-breath kind of sick.  They're such troopers.

Prince William is engaged.  Dammit.  I guess my teenage plan to marry him and become a princess has failed.

Our basil plant is slowly coming back to life after Hubby nearly fertilized it to death.  Methinks a big batch of pesto is coming up.

This DMV thing is really bothering me.  Why can't the military get, like, a national license and registration so we don't have to go through all this shit every time we move?  They could make it only valid with a military ID card, just like our health care cards.  It's just annoying to have a NH license, CA plates, and deal with a VA and HI DMV.  *sigh*

I kinda hope that jawbone in Aruba is Natalee Holloway's.  That poor family has to go through so much with all those unanswered questions about her whereabouts.  At least it will bring some kind of closure.  And wtf is up with that Joran asshole??  How is it possible that he can confess, then say "oops, I take it back"?  How is he still alive?  Damn, I don't think I could stop myself from hunting him down if he did that to my kids.

On a lighter note, I think I'm going to bake cookies.

Head on over to The Unmom to link up.

Uh oh...

MUST.  RESIST.  PEPPERMINT.  BARK.

My weekend to-do list

Things To Do:

Clean and mop stairwell, living room

Take out trash and recycling

Clean microwave

Run oven self-clean

Address Christmas cards

Change boys' bed sheets

Things That I Need to Redo Today:

Clean and mop stairwell, living room, and kitchen

Take out trash and recycling

Clean microwave after baked bean explosion

Clean oven after last night's messy dinner

Change boys' bed sheets again after forgetting to change them into overnight diapers last night

Things To Do In Addition to the Weekend Chores:

Wash kitchen linens

Drop off packages at UPS

Buy stamps and mail car payment

Stamp Christmas cards to be sent

Do more laundry

Buy milk, bread, and other items we ran out of

Drag a very cranky LB and sick JC with me all over to get it all done

*SIGH* A mother's work is never done, I guess...........

MilSpouse Friday Fill-in #21

1.Were you named after anyone?
My middle name is after my Grandma.

2.What color, if any, are your toenails usually painted?
Strawberry Margarita in the summer, I'm Not Really A Waitress in the winter.

3.How do you flush a public toilet? Hands? Feet? Something else?
I kick the lever with my shoe.  Probably not the best way to go about it, but I don't want to put my hands on something so grimy.

4.When you were a little kid, which TV character did you have a crush on?
I didn't watch a lot of TV, but I guess I liked Zach on Saved By The Bell (didn't everyone?).

5.Let’s say you had to lose one of your five senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell). Which one would you choose? Why?
I made my decision by the process of elimination.  I rely way too much on sight and hearing (which ironically are my most abused senses), so I would keep those.  I also really love tasting good foods.  I think life would be awkward without the sense of touch, so smell it is.  After all, I could go the rest of my life without smelling dumpsites and farts.  :) 
I would really miss the baby smell of the boys, but I'd rather be able to see them, hear their voices, and feel their hugs.  And I wouldn't mind missing the smell of their poopy diapers.

Go check out Wife of a Sailor to link up!

Pedia-Not-So-Sure

I forgot why I stopped giving LB Pediasure.  He seemed to like it and it was touted as being nutritious.  Then I took a look at their nutrition label and remembered.

Eighteen grams of sugar in one bottle!!

Holy crap, that seemed like an awful lot.  So I Googled candy bars and this is what I found out:

There is just as much sugar in one Pediasure as 1 package of M&Ms Almonds or 1 Take 5 bar.

There is more sugar in one Pediasure than 1 roll of Smarties, 5 pouches of SweetTarts, 1 packet of Fun Dip, 12 Runts, 9 Gobstoppers, 10 Bottlecaps, 1 tbsp of Nerds, or 7 straws of Pixie Stix.

Yes, 7 straws of Pixie Stix.  Straight-up sugar.

Ugh, I urge anyone with kids that is using or thinking of using Pediasure to stop.  All that sugar has no place in the daily kid's diet!

Debbie Downer has left the building

Sorry for the heavy post this morning- I'm feeling a tiny bit better about the day and I think I should give you all something positive to read, for a change.  :)

My girl Jess gave me an award, yay!  Jess, you rock!  And it's super-cute in black and silver, love it.  Here's the deal: I say seven facts about myself then award it to 15 people (which we all know I can't do, ha). 

1. I have year-round allergies (stole your topic, Jess).  I don't know what I'm allergic to, but I'm constantly stuffy... although, a heavy snow fall in NH makes them better.

2. My shoe size is a 10.  It was a 9 pre-kids.  I always thought shoes were great because your feet wouldn't grow.  I was wrong.  Now, I love wallets & purses- pretty sure my shoulders won't grow!

3. The Hubby is working late tonight, which means I get a full dose of E! News.  Wahoo!

4. On a related note, I don't get some things about pop culture... heels with spikes, Katy Perry's Fireworks song, the fascination with Teen Mom...  The things I do get: Anne Hathaway and tall boots.  Both are gorgeous and timeless.

5. I've fallen off the weight-loss wagon lately and have gone up to 155 lbs.  It's tough when the boys are driving me nuts and the only pleasing thing in the house is a big brownie.  But as the holiday season sneaks up on me, I'm not beating myself up about it.  After all, I'm not going to skip that pumpkin pie!

6. I can do my own car maintenance.  Hubby usually does it because he loves doing that stuff, but when he's gone, I can totally hold my own.

7. Hm, one more thing about myself?  I still mix up my right and left.  It drives Hubby absolutely nuts.

A strange day for me

Today would have been our first baby's 4th birthday. 

I can't really comprehend it.  It seems so long ago.  It's still hard for me to talk about it.

Hubby and I weren't planning on having kids at that point.  But one day I realized that I was a few weeks late.  I was so caught up in my teaching job that I wasn't paying attention to myself.  And sure enough, I found out that we were pregnant.

I cried.  I didn't think Hubby would be excited, since we hadn't planned on this and things were stressful enough with his dad going through chemo.  But he gave me a huge hug and said he was thrilled.

Everything was fine until the 12th week.  I figured that I was nearly out of the first trimester, so I began telling my students.  Literally two days later, I began to see that something wasn't quite right.  I called the doc and he brushed me off.  I waited.  A few days after that, things took a turn for the worse, in a very scary way.  I called the doc again, and he said it was normal and that I was overreacting.  I went to school, but ended up in the vice principal's office during lunch, sobbing.  She told me to go home, which I did.  When Hubby arrived home, I told him to take me to the local ER.  We spent the night there and they ran a lot of tests.  I knew something was wrong because they wouldn't talk to me about it.  Finally, at 4am on April 27, 2006, they said the words I had been dreading.

There's no heartbeat.  I'm sorry.

I don't remember much after that.  I was admitted to the naval hospital where they did a D&C.  They gave me a lot of vicodin.  Then I went back to work and had to tell my students.  That was just as hard as hearing that the baby had died.  They were middle schoolers and didn't understand why it had happened.  I had no answers because I myself didn't know why. 

There were lots of things wrong with this pregnancy.  I drank for the first six weeks because I didn't know I was preggers.  I was on 800 mg of ibuprophen three times a day, which is dangerous for babies.  I was on the pill.  A week before the loss, the school tore down my classroom and I had to move two pianos by myself.  I had an undiagnosed thyroid problem, which causes neurological problems in babies.  And most of all, I didn't have a doctor that took me seriously.  I think that bothered me the most.

The naval hospital is now defunct, in case you were wondering.  And personally, I learned from this experience to speak up when I don't think something is being done right.  Maybe it made me more of a bitch, but at least I didn't have to go through this again.

I always think of that baby on November 10th.  I put the blame partly on myself for being so out-of-touch with my body, but I also put a lot of blame on the fact that the naval hospital completely failed me & the baby.  Yeah, I'm bitter.  I guess people are supposed to get over that as part of the greiving process, but I don't think I ever will.

Happy Almost Birthday, little baby.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Is it just me, or does the shop vac in Handy Manny sound very gay... especially when it suggests "Maybe I can suck it out?".......

I can't stand how cute our boys are when they throw their arms up in the air and yell "touchdown!".

WTH?  I have a pimple the size of Mexico.  Attractive.

If you are doing 35 mph (sometimes 30) in a 55 zone, then you will have a line of seven cars behind you.  Don't get pissed at me because I'm the one directly behind you.  Oh, and I think sticking out my tongue is a much better option than flipping the bird.  It definitely riled up Mr. Slowpoke and made me feel better.  :)

Butternut squash soup with dinner tonight, yummmm.

I'm sick of LB not listening to me- I've become that broken record that I used to hate as a child, but I don't know what else to do.  Oh and JC's screeching for the hell of it is getting on my nerves, too.

Speaking of that, some a-hole said that the perfect job for JC would be opera singing because he's loud.  I take offense to that because 1) almost every baby does that, but it doesn't mean they'll all be singers; 2) there is much more to opera singing than simply being loud; and 3) STFU and mind your own beeswax.

And speaking of stupid people, for the third time this month, someone asked if the boys were twins.... Let me say this loud and clear: They are 20 months apart.  One has blond hair and brown eyes, the other has light brown hair and blue eyes.  One is running, the other isn't even walking.  One can have a conversation with you, the other can say "daddy".  And one is nearly three, while the other is 14 months.  Get a clue.

I ordered Christmas cards.  They're the photo kind where I don't have to write anything if I don't want to (hooray!).  And they look so stinkin' adorable... mostly because the boys are totally decked out in Ralph Lauren.  (What?  We went to the outlets.  And I simply could not pass up those clothes because the boys look like friggin models in them)

It's getting cold here lately.  My snowflake symbol came on with a little *bing* while driving to the gym this morning.  And in related news, our energy bill has almost tripled.

Alrighty, I should wrap this up- I'm definitely Ms. CrankyPants today and it shows.  I have butternut squash soup going and need to work on the turkey before Hubby gets home.  Go to The Unmom to link up and have fun.

Lacking motivation

I don't know what is up with today, but I'm just feeling lazy today.  No reason, just because.  It doesn't help that I also ate a brownie (which had 285 calories and 13 grams of fat, holy sh!t) and have been letting the boys do whatever they want.  I didn't teach them anything today or do anything enriching. 

I did a few productive things, all of which occurred while sitting on my ass.  I talked to my mom for an hour, then removed some programs from my computer and defragged the hard drive (um, was that supposed to take over two hours??).  But other than that, I didn't even get to the laundry. 

Blech.  My mood is also compounded by the Mexico-sized pimple on my cheek.  WTF?

Also, I was reading a book about toddler development, and Hubby and I found that LB is a "high-intensity" toddler.  We figured, but to hear it put in words is something else.  I have more of an understanding of why he does what he does, which also gives me just a little bit more patience.  Not a lot, but a little is more than nothing.  :)

Sometimes when I have days like this, I fight it.  I try and try to make it a good, productive day, but today I'm just surrendering to the laziness.  I think it's beneficial.  What do you think?

Omg, this looks so friggin delish, I can't stand it.

My dinner tonight (please disregard how empty the wine bottle is, heehee):

Coupled with brie & crackers, holy crap... and yes, it's as delicious as it looks.

MilSpouse Friday Fill-in #20

1.A different twist on last week’s question. This week, the first question is: what’s the nicest thing a MILSPOUSE has ever done for you? (brought to you from navy_smurfette)
Wow, that's a tough one... a friend of mine would bring me Oreo milkshakes from Jack In The Box while our hubbies were deployed and I was preggers.  She also helped clean my house after the pigeon incident.  It's too bad we're not friends any more...

2.How often do you drive faster than the speed limit?
All the time.  Speed limits should be renamed speed suggestions, especially in the northeast.  At least around here, you can do 55 mph on a main road.  The same road in NH would be 35.... and I'd still do 55.  Of course, "speeding" with the kids in the car is just a few over, but by myself, I'm usually up to 10 over.

3.Did you have a nickname in school? If so, what was it?
In middle and high school, I had the nickname Larry.  It came about from a bowling game when the computer couldn't fit my entire name.  By college, it was shortened to just L.  I think for one summer, it was L7.

4.If your life was a book, what would the title be and how would it end?
It would probably be the same title as my blog, and I have no idea how it would end, because my life hasn't ended yet.  Although, I have been thinking about writing a book about Millie.  ;)

5.Look back (in your planner if you have one) to September 14th… what did you do that day?
No need to look back- that's my baby's first birthday!!

Go link up at Wife of a Sailor and check out other milspouse's blogs.  :)

What I am doing with my life

I recently friended two people on facebook- one was a student with me in college, the other was a professor.  The student is now an opera singer in Boston and the professor still teaches at my college.  It was pretty cool to see what they've been up to for the past few years, but then I started wondering if they looked at my profile.

Both of these people only knew me in college when I was studying music and we weren't close enough for them to know that I was dating my long-distance bf (now hubby), who I definitely saw a future with.  On the surface, it seems like I was just a music student, preparing to enter the world in the teaching profession.

There was more to that.  I knew that I'd end up marrying Hubby and that our lives together would mean giving up my career temporarily.  I knew that we'd have kids and I'd be a SAHM.  I knew that whatever person I appeared to be in college would not be the same person I am now (thankfully, I was right!).

I don't do anything with my degree.  I haven't taught music since 2006.  I haven't held a job since 2007.  My heart is still in music, and I performed with the Honolulu Concert Band until 2009, but on paper, it looks like I'm not the same person I was back then.  I am the same person, just with different priorities.  In college, I should have realized that my major wouldn't work for me in this lifestyle and I should have studied something else, but I had invested a lot of time and money into music and didn't want to give up on that so easily.  I'm glad I stuck with it- now I know for sure that it's not exactly the right fit for me and our life.

I'm also much different in other ways, too.  College was when my thyroid really started to get me down.  Literally.  Some days I barely had the energy to crawl out of bed, but didn't know what was wrong with me.  My eyebrows were falling out, I was wearing sweaters in the summer, and my whole digestive tract just stopped working (gastroparesis, I believe it was called).  It was depressing- I thought that maybe I was just being a lazy piece of shit and that brought my self-esteem down.  I was falling asleep in my classes and my memory was completely shot (not good when you're trying to memorize composers and dates and time periods).  The whole college experience has ended up to be a blurry, hazy time to me, and I'm afraid I was perceived the same way:  blurry, hazy, out-of-it.

I'm definitely more myself now.  I feel like I've really become the person I knew I was deep down and barely recognize my college self (although, Mother Nature, if you could please give me my early-twenties body back, kthxbai).  So, in case you're wondering, this is what my life is:

I'm a SAHM for now.  I plan on going back to school for a degree in accounting, and possibly studying music instrument repair.  Once the boys are in school full-time, I'll be going back to work, so my accounting degree will happen within the next few years.  I have no idea where we'll be living.  Hubby and I will both work, which hopefully will help with college tuition costs with the boys when they are 18 and will set us up for retirement.  I plan on staying involved in music, either fixing instruments or performing in a local band, but I don't see myself returning to the teaching profession, at least not in a public school setting.  Major details of my life are still to be decided, but my direction is set and I know what I want, and more importantly, I have the conviction to go out and get it.

So there you have it, my college acquaintences.  I'm not the head-in-the-clouds mediocre person I once was.  Sorry if you have to get to know me all over again.  :)