Not my finest

This morning, I've been a bitch troll from hell.  I know it.  It all started at the gym, when some a-hole made a comment about how we don't need the military and we should stop spending money on them and how we shouldn't be butting into the North Korea vs South Korea thing.  That got my blood boiling, so I took it out on myself at Body Pump and actually had a good workout.  But then I came home and the morning from hell has commenced.

I wanted to make the pumpkin and chocolate cream pies today, so I'd have less to do tomorrow.  When I came home, the kitchen was an absolute mess.  The dishwasher hadn't been started, the sink was full of more dirty dishes, and the stove top was covered in dirty pans from last night's dinner (and I barely even cooked anything, wtf?).  I figured I'd take advantage of the fact that the boys were semi-behaving, but just when I had to "constantly stir" the pudding, they just turned into complete brats.

LB kept hitting JC and yelling at him.  JC kept crying over everything.  He wanted me to pick him up, then put him down, then pick him up (I'm keeping one hand over a hot pot, mind you, trying not to burn the chocolate cream pie, which btw is my cooking bane).  LB slammed a drawer on JC's fingers.  They took all my cooking utensils, including a very sharp vegetable peeler and pizza cutter, and dumped them on the floor (yay, more stuff to clean) (and don't suggest we child-lock them, because I'm not drilling that stuff into a rental kitchen).  They hit me, pulled my pants down, and yelled at me.  Just as I was closing the dishwasher, JC stuck his head in and I smacked him (by accident) with the door.  Then, something in me snapped and I screamed at them.

It was a horrible, screeching scream, and I said a very, very bad thing.  I said, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"  Yeaaaaaaah, not my best moment in mommyhood, but they (for once) got very silent and backed away from me.

I feel a little guilty about it, but not really guilty.  My personal space is very important to me, and for the past three years, it's been puked on, pulled on, pooped on, and completely invaded 24 hours a day.  The level of yelling and noise with these boys is enough to torture someone, I swear.  LB whines with this "Eh! Eh! Eh!" sound, which he got from Hubby (thanks a lot, dear), and it drives me up a fucking wall.  They're not content if they aren't making the loudest possible noise with their cars on the hardwood floor.  And they also aren't content to just leave each other the fuck alone.  I've tried separating them, but it's like they like to annoy each other.  What they don't know is that not only are they pushing each other's buttons, but they're pushing mine, and there are a few days when I just completely snap.

The pies are almost done, and I need to make the cranberry sauce and pre-make the rolls.  I have a god-awful headache right now and I just desperately want to hit something.  I don't want to plop them in front of the TV and rot their brain, but I might- I really need a few moments to myself right now.  Actually, what I want is a sitter so I can just leave.  No agenda, just get out of the house for a few hours and do nothing.  Ahhhh, that would be nice.