A semi-honest update

Well, it's been awhile since I've been on here.  There have been a lot of things going on, but nothing I wasn't mum about.  However, I'm running out of stupid things to say to fill the space of what I don't say, so here goes.

First, I'd like to come clean about my mental health.  I'm battling depression.  I've been up and down on the depression roller coaster, and lately it's been down.  So much so that I am currently on Zoloft.  No, I'm not suicidal.  In fact, that's the main reason I put off seeking treatment for so long.  I just assumed I was a mega-irritable bitch.  But, it turns out that depression can be displayed as anger, and you know what?  I feel a million times better on Zoloft.  It makes me think that I probably should have been on it for the past two decades!  I've been going to weekly therapy sessions, and in those sessions, I've come to my next semi-honest confession.

Things are not great here in mi casa.  There are some issues with the husband that I am trying to deal with, but getting a lot of push-back as to whether anything is actually wrong.  I'm coming to terms with the fact that he is controlling and narcissistic, and thinking about whether I want to ride on the highs and lows of his ego cycle for the rest of my life.  It's been tough trying to express my feelings when they are invalidated.  And it's tough trying to work on a problem that I perceive when he doesn't.

Things with the kids are okay.  JC is now three and acting completely irrational.  LB has been making strides in OT and at school, though there are still some problematic behaviors.  I've put potty training on the waaaaay back burner- seriously, there's enough to worry about than to throw in forcing the toilet on a kid who's perfectly content to pee and poop in his pants.

Next semi-honest confession, this stupid truck is breaking our bank.  Really.  Just paying the bills, and after putting aside money for diesel and groceries, it leaves not a lot at all.  The $1K truck payment is just too much, but I'm the only one that thinks so.

Another confession, I'm starting to hate the gym.  I don't feel good finishing up a workout- I feel resentful.  After a particularly nasty argument, the husband imposed a three month plan on me, which involves five days a week of working out (and he means working out HARD), two hours a day of alone time, and limiting the internet to 1 hour a day.  I laughed about the alone time (with kids? Psh!) and the limitations on internet usage, but the gym thing bothered me.  He feels he can "cure" my depression with the gym, and my body in general has been a hot button issue for us.  Twenty pounds ago, just after we were married, he said that he wasn't attracted to my any more because I had gained five pounds.  Now, he keeps pushing the gym more and more, and the more he pushes, the more I hate it and don't want to go.

So there you have it, and now you know why I've been quiet for the past few months!