Well, it's been awhile since I've been on here. There have been a lot of things going on, but nothing I wasn't mum about. However, I'm running out of stupid things to say to fill the space of what I don't say, so here goes.
First, I'd like to come clean about my mental health. I'm battling depression. I've been up and down on the depression roller coaster, and lately it's been down. So much so that I am currently on Zoloft. No, I'm not suicidal. In fact, that's the main reason I put off seeking treatment for so long. I just assumed I was a mega-irritable bitch. But, it turns out that depression can be displayed as anger, and you know what? I feel a million times better on Zoloft. It makes me think that I probably should have been on it for the past two decades! I've been going to weekly therapy sessions, and in those sessions, I've come to my next semi-honest confession.
Things are not great here in mi casa. There are some issues with the husband that I am trying to deal with, but getting a lot of push-back as to whether anything is actually wrong. I'm coming to terms with the fact that he is controlling and narcissistic, and thinking about whether I want to ride on the highs and lows of his ego cycle for the rest of my life. It's been tough trying to express my feelings when they are invalidated. And it's tough trying to work on a problem that I perceive when he doesn't.
Things with the kids are okay. JC is now three and acting completely irrational. LB has been making strides in OT and at school, though there are still some problematic behaviors. I've put potty training on the waaaaay back burner- seriously, there's enough to worry about than to throw in forcing the toilet on a kid who's perfectly content to pee and poop in his pants.
Next semi-honest confession, this stupid truck is breaking our bank. Really. Just paying the bills, and after putting aside money for diesel and groceries, it leaves not a lot at all. The $1K truck payment is just too much, but I'm the only one that thinks so.
Another confession, I'm starting to hate the gym. I don't feel good finishing up a workout- I feel resentful. After a particularly nasty argument, the husband imposed a three month plan on me, which involves five days a week of working out (and he means working out HARD), two hours a day of alone time, and limiting the internet to 1 hour a day. I laughed about the alone time (with kids? Psh!) and the limitations on internet usage, but the gym thing bothered me. He feels he can "cure" my depression with the gym, and my body in general has been a hot button issue for us. Twenty pounds ago, just after we were married, he said that he wasn't attracted to my any more because I had gained five pounds. Now, he keeps pushing the gym more and more, and the more he pushes, the more I hate it and don't want to go.
So there you have it, and now you know why I've been quiet for the past few months!
10/17/12
10/16/12
Real stupid stuff
Have you ever done something pretty dumb? Like, really, really stupid? Like the time I swiped Cascade off the kitchen counter thinking I had dripped blue cookie icing? I have another....
My Clinique make up remover cream is in a small, light green bottle. My Fekkai hair glossing cream is also in a small, light green bottle. They are both even the same shape. And, since I am glasses-free when taking off my eye make up, guess what I did. Really, guess. I'll give you some time....
Did you guess that I'd rub hair glossing cream all over my eyes? Yes? Then you'd be absolutely right. Oh, and btw, rubbing hair stuff purposefully into your eyes really effing stings.
My Clinique make up remover cream is in a small, light green bottle. My Fekkai hair glossing cream is also in a small, light green bottle. They are both even the same shape. And, since I am glasses-free when taking off my eye make up, guess what I did. Really, guess. I'll give you some time....
Did you guess that I'd rub hair glossing cream all over my eyes? Yes? Then you'd be absolutely right. Oh, and btw, rubbing hair stuff purposefully into your eyes really effing stings.
10/15/12
I am all shades of awesome
I designed the pattern and hand stitched this in two days for LB's Halloween costume. Didn't think it would look anything like an eagle, but I surprised myself!
9/20/12
Hi
I've been a bad blogger. Bad, bad, bad. But I've been busy.
Things are going. Hubby is getting better, LB is doing okay in school (NOT great, but okay), and JC is giving me crap about potty training. It's the same old, same old. So instead of rehashing my life, I'd like to talk about other things I'm looking forward to.
1. Oktoberfest! SOSA is putting on an Oktoberfest soon, and I can't wait! I'm involved with setting up and take down, plus baked beans and pouring beer. I'm so excited. :)
2. My cousin's wedding! I can't wait to see my fam again, and I'm so happy that my cousin is finally happy.
3. The return of Mad Men. When is that? Whenever it is, I will be glued to my tv screen. And, while we're talking about tv, the return of Saturday Night Live.
4. Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Sorry Dunks, I need my autumnal coffee fix, and since there are no Dunks here, I have gone over to the dark side and become a Starbucks frequenter.
5. Leaf peeping. I love autumn. LOVE it!
What are you psyched about??
Things are going. Hubby is getting better, LB is doing okay in school (NOT great, but okay), and JC is giving me crap about potty training. It's the same old, same old. So instead of rehashing my life, I'd like to talk about other things I'm looking forward to.
1. Oktoberfest! SOSA is putting on an Oktoberfest soon, and I can't wait! I'm involved with setting up and take down, plus baked beans and pouring beer. I'm so excited. :)
2. My cousin's wedding! I can't wait to see my fam again, and I'm so happy that my cousin is finally happy.
3. The return of Mad Men. When is that? Whenever it is, I will be glued to my tv screen. And, while we're talking about tv, the return of Saturday Night Live.
4. Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Sorry Dunks, I need my autumnal coffee fix, and since there are no Dunks here, I have gone over to the dark side and become a Starbucks frequenter.
5. Leaf peeping. I love autumn. LOVE it!
What are you psyched about??
9/12/12
Today's the day
Hubby had his microdiscectomy today. Wahoo!
He's staying over at the hospital, so I have a rare night alone (without a deployment) in the house. I just may shower. And paint my nails. Anyway, tomorrow he'll be home and he can rest up, then start thinking about recovery.
I'm just super glad this is almost over with. At least, the progress that we had no control over. Finally, someone is giving him the tools to move forward in recovery... it sucks that those "tools" were back surgery, but at least he can stop thinking about what he can't do on a daily basis and think more about what he can do.
The kiddos were great. Really. For a four year old and almost-three year old, they were angels. I was super thankful, so I got them Happy Meals for dinner, and they're staying up an extra half hour to watch Pocoyo. That show.... they just love it. It makes them roll with laughter. So cute.
Anyway, so that's what's up! And I apologize if I'm just lurking for a few days...er, probably weeks. It's just going to be really busy for me around here!
He's staying over at the hospital, so I have a rare night alone (without a deployment) in the house. I just may shower. And paint my nails. Anyway, tomorrow he'll be home and he can rest up, then start thinking about recovery.
I'm just super glad this is almost over with. At least, the progress that we had no control over. Finally, someone is giving him the tools to move forward in recovery... it sucks that those "tools" were back surgery, but at least he can stop thinking about what he can't do on a daily basis and think more about what he can do.
The kiddos were great. Really. For a four year old and almost-three year old, they were angels. I was super thankful, so I got them Happy Meals for dinner, and they're staying up an extra half hour to watch Pocoyo. That show.... they just love it. It makes them roll with laughter. So cute.
Anyway, so that's what's up! And I apologize if I'm just lurking for a few days...er, probably weeks. It's just going to be really busy for me around here!
9/7/12
Milspouse Friday Fill-In #74
1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?Nothing. August was pretty good... even the bad stuff was good.
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in August? Discovering our favorite lake here in the PNW. There's nothing like swimming in a clean, crystal-clear lake.
3. What did you do to celebrate Labor Day?Absolutely nothing, not even grilling!
4. What do you HAVE to have handy by your bedside?
My glasses. Even when it's dark and I can't really see anything, I need to wear them. I know, it's weird. But putting them on is the very first thing I do in the morning.
5. What are you looking forward to in September?
More moments like this...
Head on over to Wife of a Sailor to link up! And happy Friday, everyone!
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in August? Discovering our favorite lake here in the PNW. There's nothing like swimming in a clean, crystal-clear lake.
3. What did you do to celebrate Labor Day?Absolutely nothing, not even grilling!
4. What do you HAVE to have handy by your bedside?
My glasses. Even when it's dark and I can't really see anything, I need to wear them. I know, it's weird. But putting them on is the very first thing I do in the morning.
5. What are you looking forward to in September?
More moments like this...
9/3/12
Happy September!
Today felt like fall. It was just a little chilly in the shade, and some leaves are already turning and falling. I love this time of year. Love, love, love. I also have a bunch of things to look forward to, like...
1. JC's third birthday! Wow, three already...
2. Hubby's back surgery. He was cleared to get a microdiscectomy, then 6 months of limited duty, so that will be good for him.
3. Fall yummies, in no particular order: Shipyard Pumpkinhead, apple crisp, butternut squash, cinnamon or pumpkin coffee, slow cooker dinners, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving gluttony, etc.
4. Apple picking, hay rides, pumpkin carving, scary stories....
5. The clothes. How excited am I that cobalt is in fashion again?? Can't wait to get some trendy blue stuff! And I just simply love sweaters and boots and hats.
6. Back to school! LB goes back to preschool next week. He'll be attending four afternoons a week. He's really excited and I'm psyched for him!
7. FOOTBALL.
1. JC's third birthday! Wow, three already...
2. Hubby's back surgery. He was cleared to get a microdiscectomy, then 6 months of limited duty, so that will be good for him.
3. Fall yummies, in no particular order: Shipyard Pumpkinhead, apple crisp, butternut squash, cinnamon or pumpkin coffee, slow cooker dinners, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving gluttony, etc.
4. Apple picking, hay rides, pumpkin carving, scary stories....
5. The clothes. How excited am I that cobalt is in fashion again?? Can't wait to get some trendy blue stuff! And I just simply love sweaters and boots and hats.
6. Back to school! LB goes back to preschool next week. He'll be attending four afternoons a week. He's really excited and I'm psyched for him!
7. FOOTBALL.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
