1. No unsolicited advice, please. Do I even need to say that? It's rude- don't do it.
2. Don't assume I'm a complete f-ing moron. Or I'll kick your a$$.
3. Is it wrong of me to think that it's rude to throw a kid's birthday party a month early, because the family is moving away? It seems like an attempt to get as many presents as possible before moving to a place where they don't know anyone. If you really want to get everyone together one last time, just throw a friggin farewell party. Don't try to trick us and disguise it as your kid's birthday party, because I can see through that. You don't really care about seeing people again- you just want free stuff for your kid.
4. If my car gets another ding or dent or chip in the paint at the commissary parking lot, I will scream at the top of my lungs. Seriously, how does this happen when I park as far away from the entrance as possible???
5. Can someone please invent the Toddler Roomba?? I would love to have one just follow LB around, sucking up all the destruction the kid leaves behind.
6. Since North Korea has the maturity of a tween and has been making increasing threats against the US, I wish OPSEC was followed a little more closely. It's not just about one family, it's about all of them. If you're a sub wife, read Blind Man's Bluff... then imagine our enemies doing the same thing... then try telling me that disclosing the boat's schedule on Facebook is a good idea. Go ahead, try. I will probably punch you in the face.
7. There seems to be a lot more death this year than any other year, with people I know and celebrities. It's getting depressing to hear about how many people are passing away. I hope this streak ends soon.
8. Dinner tonight will be a brownie sundae. Screw nutrition.
9. Just one day and my house is a disater.
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