This morning, I cried for about a half hour straight. JC had gotten up for millionth time- I changed his diaper, tried to feed him, tried to give him a pacifier, tried to burp him. Nothing worked. So from 6am to 6:30, I just laid in bed sobbing.
All day yesterday, I had to yell at LB. He would scream back, he was such a grouch. He kept hitting the dog, hitting me, trying to leave the house, slamming cabinet doors, screaming for no reason. It was wearing on my nerves. I thought at least I could get some sleep, but I only slept from 12:30am to 2am, then 2:30am to 4am. JC wouldn't stop fussing after that. With LB, I would just turn the monitor off and let him whine, but since LB is a cranky toddler, I didn't want to interrupt his sleep, so I got up again and again and again to calm JC down. Besides, JC's cries are way more ear-piercing. I couldn't sleep through them if I tried.
It's really taking too much out of me. I am doing this 24/7 now and my only kid-free break is the little time at night I spend sleeping. The boys don't nap together, and with LB being an obnoxious toddler and JC being a needy infant, even if one is sleeping I don't get a moment to myself.
So it all kind of broke me this morning. I laid in my bed with JC next to me, putting the pacifier in his mouth until he spit it out again, just crying. It seems like I have to satisfy everyone else's needs, but there isn't always someone to satisfy mine. It's hard to give and give all the time.
I need to have a talk with Hubby about this. When he's home, I'm going to need to lean on him more. It's just too much to ask me to do everything when he's gone (which is most of the time), and almost everything when he's here.
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3 comments:
Laris... I wish there was something I could do for you. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. It's so hard to be a "single" parent. You really need to have that talk and knock some fing sense into HIM. It's TIME. That's what a partnership is all about - having one another to lean on. If there's anything I can do, let me know..... i love you!!!!
did you end up talking to him last night? hope everything went well. if you need anything or a soundboard i'm here. big hugs.
xoxo
me
I'm just catching up on your blog and just wanted to say...I FEEL YOU. About everything. Social retardation, missing the pre-baby life, frusteration with the hubs, kids who won't nap at the same time, no time for yourself...all. of. it.
You can drop me an email and vent anytime, hope you know that!
I do know a few moms that have it together. They are heavily medicated and probably pissed off on the inside. :-)
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