Yesterday, I got a package from my dear friend GA. She sent some Vermont maple syrup and maple candies (btw, GA, the boys are all over those!). Because when a good friend is in VT and knows that you are missing New England like crazy, that's what she'll do.
And it got me thinking about another friend who I thought was that kind of friend. At one point this past year, after leaving her voicemails and emails and such, I said to myself, "The ball's in her court now. I'm going to stop contacting her and see what happens." And guess what happened?
Nothing.
I've forgotten how long ago I made that promise to myself. That's how long it's been. It's too exhausting to be on the giving end of a one-way friendship, so I think I need to "break up" with this friend for good.
I read some articles on toxic friends and how to spot them. I admit, I have a hard time with that. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt repeatedly. Sometimes, I end up with friends that are not good for me- either they are too needy, make me feel bad, or are not trustworthy. And since I move so much, it makes it all that much harder to maintain the good friendships.
I don't know why it's so hard for me to break up with this particular person. Maybe it's because I want her to be the friend I thought she was.... perhaps I just need to smack myself upside the head and realize that she isn't a good friend at all (not for me, at least... maybe someone else would appreciate flying 6,000 miles and spending two months back "home" without any effort from her to get together.... oooh, I'm getting bitchy, I'll stop).
Unfortunately, she's been involved in significant events in my life, which is also why it's hard to just say buh-bye. But when is enough enough? When will I stop making excuses for her? When will I stop giving her the benefit of the doubt? When will I stop complaining about her?
I told her once, while we were in college, that I felt like we were always following her agenda. She never came to my concerts or attended any recitals with me, but she expected me to go to her psych lectures. Our weekend plans were whatever she wanted to do. After I said that, she cried and asked how I could say something like that. I'm ashamed to say that I felt very guilty about it and apologized. Apologized. For my own feelings. Horrible, I know- I wish I could roundhouse kick my 22 year old self...
See? That happened years ago, and I'm still friends with her?
It's time to get over the fact that she let me down and just throw in the towel. Oh well. I guess I just have to keep my eyes open more.
3 comments:
So glad you (I mean, boys) liked them! And I felt terrible because that was supposed to be when you were in your "fall" mode! (whoops!) When you're back home I'll treat you to some winter merriment New England style :) Can't wait to see you!!!!
Ugh! Toxic friends are no good, but VT maple syrup is! I can't believe how much they charge for it in TX! A small container for $16! I just can't bring myself to pay that much, so I requested it as a Christmas gift from my parents!
I had a friend like that. We had known each other since 4th grade and developed a friendship in HS.. she was the badass and I was the good girl. She was always full of drama and everything was about her. Nothing good ever came out of that relationship except that I learned how to spot a toxic friend. Needless to say, we arent friends anymore and while I wonder how she is from time to time, I have to remind myself that trying to find out how she is, isnt worth the drama that would come from getting back in touch with her.
Not sure if that helps but sometimes, you just have to let go. :)
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