A somewhat depressing post

Lately, I've been feeling too much like a nomad and wondering where my place is. My sense of community is pretty much nil, and this is the first time that I'm truly experiencing that.

Since leaving NH in 2003 (sidenote: God, has it been seven years??), we've moved all over the country, but everywhere we've been, I've found my thing, my group, my community. In OH, it was my job and Hubby's college circle. In SC, it was again my job and Hubby's circle of friends. In NH, when Hubby was in CT for three months, I already had my community- my family and friends. In VA, it was again my job and a tight wardroom on Hubby's boat. And in HI, even though I was unemployed, I had the band I performed in and the tight wardroom. It's almost like the subby wives were an instant circle of friends.

But since moving here, it's been isolating and frustrating. I joined the local gym and realized that after several months, I haven't met many people there. I started thinking about why, and came to the conclusion that I don't WANT to. I mean, I do like meeting new people, but I'm in this mentality of "what's the point"? If I'm just going to leave in a year, then why start any kind of friendship? Military wives get it. They know what it's like to "lose" your friends, and they are the ones that I have kept most in touch with. Because they understand when you suddenly call after 6 months of being MIA. Civilians... not so much. It takes a special person (for example, Grace Adler) to maintain that kind of relationship, to accept that fact that I will be around one minute and gone the next, and I can't really tell when I'll be back. It's exhausting to live like that, but it's my reality... God bless Grace Adler (I know you're reading this!). :)

Unfortunately, there isn't a tight circle of military wives here. They come from all branches of the service, which are NOT the same. Even the sections of the Navy are completely different from each other. So the dynamic is different. It's not the same "instant circle of friends" like you get on sea duty on subs.

And the community thing is totally a wash. There are local elections going on here, and I know nothing about the candidates. But really, do I NEED to? I'll be leaving and won't come back (probably), so what's the point in voting in an election that won't affect me?

Having our families so far away just tops it all off. Lots of families rely on aunts and uncles and grandparents (whoever) to keep their sanity, so they can have date nights and on-call sitters. Whenever Hubby and I want to do something, we need to think about how long it will take, how much the sitter fee will be, and if what we are doing is worth it. Lately, we've resorted to taking turns. Each of us gets to go out and experience stuff (like the PB Pro-Am), but unfortunately, not together unless we can bring the babies. Having the families around would be so helpful... why isn't there a program for military families like that? Like, Rent-A-Grandma?

Anyway, most people stay either in the same town/city/district their whole lives. Some people venture across the state. And some move very far from home. But those people STAY where they go. They make a big move maybe once or twice, and that's it. Then they become involved in that community and establish themselves wherever they are.

I can't really do that. I KNOW I'll be leaving. I know that I haven't stayed in one spot for more than two years (once, we lived in 4 states within a year). I know in a few years, no one here will even remember that I lived here in CA. So where do I stand? What's my community? Right now, I guess it's a community of four: me, LB, JC, and Hubby. And considering two of the four are under the age of three, that makes for a very, very simple community.

A little depressing, on a day-to-day basis. Of course, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Someday, we will settle down in one place and live there for a very long time. The boys will end up in the same school system until they graduate high school. And Hubby and I will actually be able to get involved and participate in a community. But for now, I feel like I'm just waiting it out...