It seems like people ask me all the time, "How are you doing with the deployment? Do you need anything? Is everything going okay? Are you doing okay?" I feel like they're waiting for me to break down in tears, complaining about how I don't know what I'm doing and that I need so much help and how much I miss my husband.
I do miss my husband. But I know what I'm doing, and I really don't need help. Okay, that's a teensy lie. It would be super nice if someone could take care of the yardwork, because I really hate doing it. But it's not like I don't know how to operate the weed whacker. And it's not like I can't take care of the vehicles or the children or the house. In fact, things seem to have gotten a tiny bit easier. There's no grown-man mouth to feed. The laundry situation is way more under control. And it's really nice knowing that someone isn't going to spend $400 at West Marine every few days. I just want to say to those people, "Honestly, I got this."
Is this how people see military wives?? I hear from lots of people, "Oh, you military wives are so strong, I couldn't last two weeks without my husband", then the next minute, they're asking me if anything is wrong. It seems like they don't really believe that we can handle it- it's just something PC for them to say. I think they honestly believe that military wives are lost without their husbands.
What's your take? If you're a milspouse, do you feel freaked out at the prospect of doing it alone? Or do you feel like it's an opportunity to assert your independence? And if you're a civilian, how do you honestly view military wives- strong, independent women who can hold down the fort, or emotional wrecks that rely on everyone but themselves to function?
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6 comments:
Yes! I lived by myself for several years before I got married, so being on my own isn't new to me. It sucks, sure, but I don't fall apart when he's gone.Sometimes I felt like people were almost judging me for NOT needing their help or falling apart emotionally.
I do hate yardwork though - I happily let guys from Chris's shop do it when they call to ask if I need anything ;)
Considering nearly our entire relationship has been long distance, I think I handle it pretty well!
I actually don't mind when people ask how I'm doing or how I'm holding up. I just figure it's their way to try and show they care, but without really knowing how to broach the subject. It has to be awkward for people who haven't been through it.
I probably sound about the same to friends who have dealt with losing a loved one. Any relative I had that passed did so when I was too young to understand or remember. So when a friend loses something I'm always at a loss for what to say.
That's a horrible comparison, isn't it? Ouch.
Anyway, I just mean that the people that say that are probably just trying to voice their care and support but don't know how to do so because they haven't been through it themselves.
Much like me and funerals.
Annnd... I'm going to stop writing now.
NMC... you're so right. Why didn't I think of that before?? I'm sure some people just don't know what to say, but feel they must say something. Duh. You're smart. :)
My husband's deployed, and I wish I had more of those "How are you doing?" people in my life! Part of the issue might be that I'm in the middle of an extended visit to my hometown and not on a military base. I'm encountering a lot of folks who are trying to minimize my situation, or even telling me to do a better job of sucking it up when I'm having the occasional bad day! Kind of hard to take from people whose spouses have only been gone for a few weeks at a time before, at most.
That said, I'm not floundering or falling apart . This sucks and of course I'd rather have my husband home...but you do what you have to do.
I have only experienced my hubby being gone for a few days at a time. At times I enjoy it, after the kids are in bed- I'm on my own like a single lady- just watching The Real Housewives. But mor ing comes and the kids are crazy and THEN I miss my man! ;) of course I have three and my youngest is one, so I suppose I'm in the thick of it. I know I could do it if I had to.
I've only known 1 mil-spouse personally, and she handled it amazingly well. She was on top of everything! :)
I think it depends on the individual - some women rock the solo gig, and some really need extra support.
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