Nearly 36 weeks and counting

**Long one, sorry.**

Where have I been the past two weeks, you ask? Well, first and foremost, I've been spending some QT with my cutie (haha, that was stupid but I couldn't resist). It's been really nice having Hubby home, although sometimes I forget he's been detached from reality for six months (What do you mean, Farrah Fawcett is dead?). We've been chilling out, catching up with friends, and just having a good time.

But for the past two weeks, I've been having that good time in a recliner. Completely immobile sometimes. Holy cow, this pregnancy is pretty much killing me. Poor Hubby has to do everything around the house and change more diapers than he'd like. He's been the cook and the cleaner and the disciplinarian. Sure, I did it for six months, but I see it as a partnership, and I'd like to pitch in, too.

But I can't!! I physically can't do it! I've been in so much more pain with JC than I ever was with LB. LB's ninth month was mostly just a few annoying twinges and some indigestion. I didn't realize that as miserable as I felt, it could get worse, but apparently it can. With JC, there are days I can barely walk. I can't lift my legs to put on clothes or shave. Sometimes when I walk, I can feel my bones crack with every step. And the pain.... oh, the pain. Just yesterday, strangers were asking me if I was okay or if they needed to call someone, because they thought I was in labor. And honestly, I was pretty surprised myself that my water didn't break or anything.

I know I have four weeks left. And Mother Nature uses those four weeks for something (lung development, weight gain, brain growth, etc), but I'd be totally happy having this baby early. I'm so ready for it to be done, and it's been incredibly frustrating to be on the couch almost all day and unable to pick up LB without nearly dropping him from searing, shooting pain. At least he listens when I tell him to go to his room to change his diaper. (true story, it's so cute)

I've been reading up on c-sections and how to best prepare for them. All the authors suggest dealing with any fears before the actual day, which makes sense. I've talked to Hubby about them, but maybe by writing, it'll help me get over them.

1. My biggest fear is going through another painful recovery again. Sure, no one actually looks forward to getting sliced and diced, so I guess my apprehension is warranted, but in a way, knowing what to expect is making it worse. I know I'll need major drugs and won't be allowed to lift LB for six weeks (HA, how is that going to happen??). But I'm trying to see the bright side. At least I won't be going through the pain of labor as well!

2. My next fear is having to start all over again. It's not actually a fear than a dread. Looking at six months of sleepless nights and midnight feedings is daunting. Formula and bottles and millions of diapers, *sigh*. It's going to be frustrating to be in that position again, and this time with a toddler who probably won't really understand why JC is getting so much attention. But again, trying to look on the bright side- once we're done with bottles, we're done! And once we're done with potty-training, no more diapers! And once JC is sleeping through the night, we can all get a full night's rest!

3. My last fear is bringing JC home to LB. LB's in a hitting phase. Not to be mean or malicious, but I think just more out of curiousity, to see what happens. I have these nightmares of LB picking JC up by the leg, or trying to stuff him in the dishwasher, or dropping him on his head. Realistically, we are going to have two boys, so they will beat on each other. I just hope LB waits until JC can at least walk!

So that's what has been going on with me the past two weeks.